(Closed) Journey of TTC after miscarriage part 6

posted 7 years ago in TTC
Post # 257
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1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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4littlekitties:  I will totally tell you its ok to quit your job! 🙂 If you and DH can afford it, and it was agreed upon that you would eventually be a Stay-At-Home Mom, I definitely advocate it. If you were spending your time doing meaningful volunteer work or persuing a different career path, it might be easier to get through all you’ve been through. After all, you’d be likely to have something else to be passionate about besides TTC and your DH. I think it could only be good for you. Especially with a history of depression… maybe you could work that into a conversation with your DH to remind him how important it is that you spend your time somewhere besides at a job that you clearly hate. I’ll be praying for you (assuming thats ok since you said you sing with the band at church).

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SaltedCaramel:  The genetic counselor went over our test results and family trees with us, and I came away from the visit much more confident than I was when I went in. She drew out different scenarios that could play out, being that DH and I are heterozygous carriers and not homozygous carriers of the MTHFR, and it’d be a far stretch for that to impact a pregnancy for me, based on the info she gave us. I think when OB’s see MTHFR they panic, because it can be very serious and lead to many complications, but the GC was confidant that that wasn’t what happened with me and that we were fine to proceed with TTC.  It definitely gave me piece of mind and I’m very grateful that my OB sent me. And my new OB has rave reviews, and doesn’t make me feel totally doomed, like my old doctor did. Such a relief!

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GonnaBeAFind:  I hope now that the holidays are over, you can find some peace and that things will be a little easier. I hope you have been able to take the time to grieve both losses. I’ve been thinking about you.

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MechEBee:  I’m so sorry that you had such a terrible start to the new year. I also had a MMC and  I remember that feeling of knowing I was carrying the baby around all that time thinking everything was ok. I also ended up in the ER. Take care of yourself and make sure you allow yourself to feel however you feel in the moment. I tried to bottle it up for a while because I didn’t want DH to worry but in the end, its so much better to let it out. I wish you a speedy recovery and that you can get back to TTC soon.

 

Post # 258
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1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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desertgirl:  I’m so sorry for the insensitivity of other people. I’ve dealt with that a lot as well. I hope 2015 is your year.

 

AFM, AF is late and I got a BFN yesterday and am afraid to test again. I have some symptoms but they could be AF, not sure. But this is the first time I’ve been late since my D&C. So, I was already anxious and a bit down in the dumps when I come home to find… an invitation in the mail to a baby shower, for the girl who is due the same week I would have been. I’ve definitely been feeling that my EDD is coming (March 19) and this just made it even worse. I immediately burst into tears like a 2 year old. Gotta say, I’m not really feeling 2015 so far. Guess I should give it more time, huh?

Post # 259
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1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Kay1126:  Thank you for the kind words. I’m doing ok. It kind of helps that they weren’t even able to find a fetal pole. Personally, I feel like there never really was a baby. Which helps me cope. My husband has been a god send and I’m feeling really positive about the future. I just hope that the misoprostol worked and I won’t need a D&C to finish the job. Still getting fairly bad cramps 3 days later and moderate bleeding. I read that is normal though. I have a follow up with the doctor a week from Friday so hopefully he gives us the green light for trying again.

Post # 260
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4673 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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MechEBee:  I’m sorry to hear about your loss.  

Post # 261
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4673 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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desertgirl:  It sucks that you had to deal with such anoying and insensitive people!  Sometimes I just wish people knew what we were going through, in hopes that they would be more sensitive, or just less anoying! 

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Kay1126:  That’s rough.  It’s still very early in the year, so don’t lose all hope just yet.  We will get pregnant again soon, with our keepers, because dammit, I said so! Or that’s what I keep on telling myself.  FX you get a late BFP, or that AF at least comes and you can start over.  

I’ve been feeling a lot better after the holidays were over, and my spotting stopped.  I still get a little emotional at random times, but mostly I feel so ready to move on.  Now if my brian could relay that message to my body, things would be great!  I started charting again today and my temp was super low, so I’m assuming I haven’t ovulated yet.  Although it’s nice to know that I can get pregnant, it is so annoying to be missing out on so much trying time.  Although I have no plans to join any of the monthly POAS boards again, it sucks watching the second month go by knowing that I wouldn’t be able to try, knowing that I’m sitting here in f***ing limbo.  

Post # 262
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108 posts
Blushing bee

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desertgirl:  people can be really insensitive! Ever since my first miscarriage, I cannot make myself ask anyone that question: when are you going to have a baby?

One question: how much Vit D are you taking daily? 

Post # 263
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1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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GrannyPantiesRock:  So crazy that you got a positive FRER when your hcg was 6!!  I guess they ARE super sensitive.

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GonnaBeAFind:  That makes sense.  FX that you get a negative very soon and feel like you can move on!!

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MechEBee:  Sending big hugs your way.  I hear you on the anxiety.  Part of me is dying to try again, and the other part is terrified that I will be too anxious to function.  Also, I COMPLETELY hear you on having things be harder because you thought for so long that things were okay.  I found out about my MMC at 10 weeks (baby stopped developing at 6w) and it was horrible to know that there was a month, pretty much the whole time I was sharing with close friends and family, that things were not okay after all and I just didn’t know.  I’m sure it would have been even worse had it gone on for 2 more weeks (spotting led to an u/s, if I haven’t posted that somewhere you’ve read it).  It’s so hard to even articulate to people who haven’t been there.  I am terrified of another MMC but feel like the earlier you know, the better.  Though everything was fine at the u/s I had at 5w6d, and we saw the heartbeat, so I guess you just never know.    Also hoping that it was just a bad sperm/egg combo and not indicative of something larger.

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4littlekitties:  Sorry I wasn’t explicit enough.  🙂  I second  a PP’s thought, that it seems like it would be good to have something to focus on besides TTC that is positive.  What do you think you’re going to do?

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PenelopeQ:  Frequent betas sound like a great idea.  I haven’t heard anything about u/s heating up the embryo and causing problems, though I am certainly not an expert.  I think if it will reassure you, you should go for it.

Post # 264
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1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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desertgirl:  Ugh, why do people say things like that?  Well, I guess because they haven’t experienced losses or fertility issues… but still, I’m sorry you have to go through that.

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Kay1126:  I had to google MTHFR.  Sounds scary!  But, sounds like the GC was very reassuring and realistic in their assessment, so that’s great.  And, UGH on the baby shower invite.  I posted this earlier, but a friend announced her pregnancy today (due a week before I would have been) and this was by far the hardest of the many items of baby news recently.  I am hoping that 2015 turns around but it’s certainly off to a rocky start.  fX you get a BFP soon… or barring that, AF and a quick ovulation soon!!

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auggiefrog:  Totally agree on missing cycles to try.  I feel like time is moving in slow motion these days.

 

AFM, I saw the girl due a week before me tonight.  My friend (who is close to both of us; I’m not close to the other PG girl) said that the other girl told her just before my DH and I told our close friends, and she’d been so excited for us that we were going to have babies due a week apart.  It’s so crazy that this is how it turned out.  I still can’t believe that we were the ones unlucky enough to have a m/c.  Seeing the other girl was hard but not as bad as I thought it would be…. I am truly excited for her and her husband, even though I am so sad for DH and I.  There also wasn’t a lot of time spent focusing on her pregnancy tonight, which helped.

Thank goodness for you ladies.  My friends all mean well and are very caring, but I feel like they just don’t understand.  Some of my best friends have been focused on when we get pregnant again… while I also want to focus on that sometimes, I am also still mourning our July baby.  I guess it’s hard enough for me to keep up with my emotions, I can’t expect them to .  But I appreciate beyond words having other ladies to talk to who have been through this.  None of my close friends have had a m/c and they just don’t fully understand.

Post # 265
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1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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PenelopeQ:  What is the Vit D for?

Post # 266
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1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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SaltedCaramel:  Thanks. You’re post cheered me up some. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Sounds like we’re in pretty similar places. I’m still waiting to stop bleeding. I’m not sure I’d go with the drug assisted labor again. It was pretty awful.

DH has been great, but he just doesn’t understand. He said “just don’t think about it too much.” Right… Luckily we hadn’t told many people. I wasn’t comfortable telling people untill after we’d had an ultrasound so we didn’t tell family at Christmas like he wanted to.

I hope things are getting better for you. If I recall, we were due around the same time. I remember you were on the July boards too.

Post # 267
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492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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auggiefrog:  Totally understand how you feel.  I think I’m finally getting close to ovulating 24 days after taking misoprostol.  It’s so frustrating because I just want this cycle over with and completely feel like you do, stuck in limbo.  I’ve debated as well about joining the POAS boards, I was on the Sept and Oct one with my two BFP and it was hard seeing all of the other June and July Mama’s move on while I had to deal with the MCs.

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MechEBee:  I did the drug assisted labour for my MMC in December and it was by far the worst experience of my life.  The pain meds they gave me did nothing, I was in the worst pain I’ve ever experience for 6 hours straight.  They also forgot to mention that I would be vomiting uncontrolably.  When I went back for my follow up ultrasound I was so releaved to hear that I had passed all the tissue because I couldn’t imagine doing that again.

AFM, I’m so happy to finally be close to ovulating it’s taken almost a full month, I’ve had some EWCM this last night and an almost positive OPK.  This TWW will be very different from my last two since rather than symptom spotting I will be counting down the days until AF shows.  I’ve meeting up with my BFFs for dinner on Saturday and even though I know they worry and wish me the best, neither one of them have had a MC so I feel like they don’t really understand.  When I told my one friend we were on our rest cycle she was so surprised she didn’t understand why we wouldn’t just try again right away.  She got pregnant her first month and they weren’t really TTC just NTNP. 

Post # 268
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1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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MechEBee:  Glad it was helpful.  This is such a sucky situation, but it helps so much to be able to talk to ladies who are going through the same thing (or have gone through it).  Yes, I think we were due around the same time.  The medication route that you went sounds awful.  I actually wasn’t offered that– my choices were waiting to miscarry naturally, or having a D&E (dilation and evacuation).  I chose the D&E and it really wasn’t bad.  It was a minor outpatient procedure– I was there for about 2 hours, but the procedure itself was less than 10 minutes and not super painful.  I didn’t feel awesome for the rest of the day, but nothing like what you are describing.  Would you want to tell any of your family now so that they can support you?  We’d told a bunch of people already and I don’t regreg that decision– having their support has been nice, even if they don’t know what to say.

 

I had my 2-week follow up today with the OB.  She said that everything is fine medically and to let them know if I don’t get my period within a few weeks.  No blood work or anything (which of course makes me nervous).  But based on CM, I think I might be ovulating in the next few days, so that would be a great sign.  We’ll see what my temps do.

We talked about more monitoring next time and she was kind of reluctant… she pointed out that it might just create more things to worry about, and that nothing is certain.  Which is true, I mean, we saw the heartbeat at an early u/s and then the baby stopped growing shortly after that.  But still.  I told her that I am worried about not having anything done until the 12 week NT scan and then finding out that things are not okay.  Obviously things can be okay one day and not the next, based on my own experience, but still.  She said that if I really want to, they’ll do early HCG screens, but that she wants me to think about what I’ll do with that info and whether it will be helpful or just something else to worry about.  She also said that at the 8 week appointment, they’ll try to find the heartbeat with a doppler and if they can’t, will do an u/s.  I didn’t even have an exam at my 8 week appointment this time, so that would be reassuring.

The overall theme was that we don’t have much control in this, and anything we do won’t change the outcome (good or bad).  I’m not very good at being comfortable with that concept, but I agree that it’s something that would be good to work on.  She also said that they consider one miscarriage a fluke, but if someone has two in a row, they would do more testing/etc.  The idea of two in a row is so terrifying, I don’t even have words.

She also talked about family/friends being well meaning and telling me that I’ll get pregnant again soon, etc, and how that can be not helpful at all– that’s totally how I feel.  I believe that I’ll get pregnant again, but I’m still processing this loss.  It was nice to hear that validated.    Overall it was a good visit.

Post # 269
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1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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SaltedCaramel:  I’m glad you got to talk to your doctor and get some of your concerns on the table. I have my 2 week follow up next Thursday. I’m not sure if they’ll do anything to see that my uterus is empty or not. I’ve heard of them doing an ultrasound if they believe everything wasn’t evacuated, but I don’t know what would drive it.

I never told many people. And I don’t regret it. I don’t plan to tell more now. I told 2 friends, one sister, one brother, and my mom. It is kind of nice being able to go to work where people don’t know and they don’t treat me like a chairity case. I know everyone means well, but right now, the only time I feel normal is around people who don’t know about it. I’m tired of the sad eyes.

I have similar concerns about monitoring early. I don’t think I’ll demand weekly monitoring or anything, but I’ll at least want something at my 8 weeks that confirms the baby is doing ok. Waiting till 12 weeks again would eat at me too much. I may even schedule my 8 week apointment closer to 9 weeks just to be safe. Since the doctor seems to think I lost the baby around 7 or 8 weeks this time.

I’m trying to stay positive. Miscarriages suck, but they are not uncommon. There is a 90% chance it was just a fluke and we will go on to have healthy babies. We were pregnant so we can get pregnant. I got my positive the second month TTC. Some women struggle to even get that far. Just hoping to get the all-clear from the doctor next week so DH and I can start trying again. 🙂

Post # 270
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959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

MechEBee:  I’m so sorry to see you here. I also had a mmc found at 13 weeks but growth stopped at 9+ weeks. It’s not fair. Hopefully you can get a rainbow this yea

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desertgirl:  It pisses me off when people ask when we are going to have a kid. Mind your own business people! If I want to tell you I will. No need to ask personal stuff, you know.

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Kay1126:  Any update on the BFP front?? I have my fingers crossed for you!

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auggiefrog:  The limbo I felt was honestly one of the worst parts. We couldn’t try again because AF wasn’t there and over yet and I was no longer pregnant. It was terrible. I am so sorry you are going through the limbo stage. I know how frustrating that can be.

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SaltedCaramel:  I’m glad your appointment went well! I often think about what can be reassuring during pregnancy and not. We had our ultrasound at 9 weeks and three days later is when the growth stopped. So while I will worry about my next pregnancy, I don’t know if there is a way to be satisfied until you reach the point in the pregnancy where you will feel better. However, I think you should go whatever route will make you feel best. I definitely think a dating ultrasound is helpful, because at least at 8 weeks you can find if growth stopped before that or if things are on track.

 

AFM, I am going to freak out. AF arrived 6 days early! For no reason. I’m on BC so it should be regular. It was regular last month, so I’m clueless as to why it’s so different this month.

Also, DH had a job review today. His boss asked him flat out if he is planning on leaving in May. He noticed DH was updating his LinkedIn and doing lots of different projects (so he gets different experience). He said that I was looking at other jobs in Omaha, so we may be moving for me. I’m fine with being the excuse here for him. Well then his boss told him he was going to give him a raise, as a sort of incentive for staying here. DH had told him he’d like to make towards 35-40k a year. Mind you this is a locally owned business in a rural town. It would be hard to do that. So his boss said he’d look into it his week and let him know what he could get a raise to. Now DH doesn’t know what to do. I am going to freak the f out. We had just decided on moving in May. We looked into a lot of fun things to do this summer in our new city. So I told him I would be happy either way, but if we are staying I want to start TTC soon. My BC pack ends this Sunday, which I told him. So I’m interested to see how this goes. My head is hurting from this!!

Post # 271
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1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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MechEBee:  I hope your followup goes well. I’m not sure if it’d be the same for you because I had a D&C, but I was told to wait one full cycle. FX you can get back to TTC soon.

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auggiefrog:  HAHA I love the dammit, because I said so! Optimisn goes a long way in the process. We will all have a happy 2015 because I’m saying so too!

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SaltedCaramel:  Baby announcements have defnitely been difficult. There had been a temporary shortage in babies in our group of friends- none in 2014… until I found out about my mmc. Then the announcements kept coming. Thanks for your well wishes and I’m glad your spotting has stopped. I hope you can get back to TTC soon.

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