- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
AFM, AF is late and I got a BFN yesterday and am afraid to test again. I have some symptoms but they could be AF, not sure. But this is the first time I’ve been late since my D&C. So, I was already anxious and a bit down in the dumps when I come home to find… an invitation in the mail to a baby shower, for the girl who is due the same week I would have been. I’ve definitely been feeling that my EDD is coming (March 19) and this just made it even worse. I immediately burst into tears like a 2 year old. Gotta say, I’m not really feeling 2015 so far. Guess I should give it more time, huh?
I’ve been feeling a lot better after the holidays were over, and my spotting stopped. I still get a little emotional at random times, but mostly I feel so ready to move on. Now if my brian could relay that message to my body, things would be great! I started charting again today and my temp was super low, so I’m assuming I haven’t ovulated yet. Although it’s nice to know that I can get pregnant, it is so annoying to be missing out on so much trying time. Although I have no plans to join any of the monthly POAS boards again, it sucks watching the second month go by knowing that I wouldn’t be able to try, knowing that I’m sitting here in f***ing limbo.
AFM, I saw the girl due a week before me tonight. My friend (who is close to both of us; I’m not close to the other PG girl) said that the other girl told her just before my DH and I told our close friends, and she’d been so excited for us that we were going to have babies due a week apart. It’s so crazy that this is how it turned out. I still can’t believe that we were the ones unlucky enough to have a m/c. Seeing the other girl was hard but not as bad as I thought it would be…. I am truly excited for her and her husband, even though I am so sad for DH and I. There also wasn’t a lot of time spent focusing on her pregnancy tonight, which helped.
Thank goodness for you ladies. My friends all mean well and are very caring, but I feel like they just don’t understand. Some of my best friends have been focused on when we get pregnant again… while I also want to focus on that sometimes, I am also still mourning our July baby. I guess it’s hard enough for me to keep up with my emotions, I can’t expect them to . But I appreciate beyond words having other ladies to talk to who have been through this. None of my close friends have had a m/c and they just don’t fully understand.
DH has been great, but he just doesn’t understand. He said “just don’t think about it too much.” Right… Luckily we hadn’t told many people. I wasn’t comfortable telling people untill after we’d had an ultrasound so we didn’t tell family at Christmas like he wanted to.
I hope things are getting better for you. If I recall, we were due around the same time. I remember you were on the July boards too.
AFM, I’m so happy to finally be close to ovulating it’s taken almost a full month, I’ve had some EWCM this last night and an almost positive OPK. This TWW will be very different from my last two since rather than symptom spotting I will be counting down the days until AF shows. I’ve meeting up with my BFFs for dinner on Saturday and even though I know they worry and wish me the best, neither one of them have had a MC so I feel like they don’t really understand. When I told my one friend we were on our rest cycle she was so surprised she didn’t understand why we wouldn’t just try again right away. She got pregnant her first month and they weren’t really TTC just NTNP.
I had my 2-week follow up today with the OB. She said that everything is fine medically and to let them know if I don’t get my period within a few weeks. No blood work or anything (which of course makes me nervous). But based on CM, I think I might be ovulating in the next few days, so that would be a great sign. We’ll see what my temps do.
We talked about more monitoring next time and she was kind of reluctant… she pointed out that it might just create more things to worry about, and that nothing is certain. Which is true, I mean, we saw the heartbeat at an early u/s and then the baby stopped growing shortly after that. But still. I told her that I am worried about not having anything done until the 12 week NT scan and then finding out that things are not okay. Obviously things can be okay one day and not the next, based on my own experience, but still. She said that if I really want to, they’ll do early HCG screens, but that she wants me to think about what I’ll do with that info and whether it will be helpful or just something else to worry about. She also said that at the 8 week appointment, they’ll try to find the heartbeat with a doppler and if they can’t, will do an u/s. I didn’t even have an exam at my 8 week appointment this time, so that would be reassuring.
The overall theme was that we don’t have much control in this, and anything we do won’t change the outcome (good or bad). I’m not very good at being comfortable with that concept, but I agree that it’s something that would be good to work on. She also said that they consider one miscarriage a fluke, but if someone has two in a row, they would do more testing/etc. The idea of two in a row is so terrifying, I don’t even have words.
She also talked about family/friends being well meaning and telling me that I’ll get pregnant again soon, etc, and how that can be not helpful at all– that’s totally how I feel. I believe that I’ll get pregnant again, but I’m still processing this loss. It was nice to hear that validated. Overall it was a good visit.
I never told many people. And I don’t regret it. I don’t plan to tell more now. I told 2 friends, one sister, one brother, and my mom. It is kind of nice being able to go to work where people don’t know and they don’t treat me like a chairity case. I know everyone means well, but right now, the only time I feel normal is around people who don’t know about it. I’m tired of the sad eyes.
I have similar concerns about monitoring early. I don’t think I’ll demand weekly monitoring or anything, but I’ll at least want something at my 8 weeks that confirms the baby is doing ok. Waiting till 12 weeks again would eat at me too much. I may even schedule my 8 week apointment closer to 9 weeks just to be safe. Since the doctor seems to think I lost the baby around 7 or 8 weeks this time.
I’m trying to stay positive. Miscarriages suck, but they are not uncommon. There is a 90% chance it was just a fluke and we will go on to have healthy babies. We were pregnant so we can get pregnant. I got my positive the second month TTC. Some women struggle to even get that far. Just hoping to get the all-clear from the doctor next week so DH and I can start trying again. 🙂
MechEBee: I’m so sorry to see you here. I also had a mmc found at 13 weeks but growth stopped at 9+ weeks. It’s not fair. Hopefully you can get a rainbow this yea
AFM, I am going to freak out. AF arrived 6 days early! For no reason. I’m on BC so it should be regular. It was regular last month, so I’m clueless as to why it’s so different this month.
Also, DH had a job review today. His boss asked him flat out if he is planning on leaving in May. He noticed DH was updating his LinkedIn and doing lots of different projects (so he gets different experience). He said that I was looking at other jobs in Omaha, so we may be moving for me. I’m fine with being the excuse here for him. Well then his boss told him he was going to give him a raise, as a sort of incentive for staying here. DH had told him he’d like to make towards 35-40k a year. Mind you this is a locally owned business in a rural town. It would be hard to do that. So his boss said he’d look into it his week and let him know what he could get a raise to. Now DH doesn’t know what to do. I am going to freak the f out. We had just decided on moving in May. We looked into a lot of fun things to do this summer in our new city. So I told him I would be happy either way, but if we are staying I want to start TTC soon. My BC pack ends this Sunday, which I told him. So I’m interested to see how this goes. My head is hurting from this!!
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