(Closed) Journey of TTC after Miscarriage Part III

posted 8 years ago in TTC
Post # 62
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Hello everyone. As some have mentioned, this thread seems quiet, which I know is a good thing, but I’m joining and hoping to find and give some support from bees facing the same difficulties as me. I’m glad to see a lot of you ladies have moved on to the POAS/mommy threads and I am so happy for you. I recognize a lot of you as fellow posters from other TTC and pregnancy threads that I participated in. I’ve already told my story on some other posts, but I’ll rehash it here. After getting my BFP on our first cycle trying, I had a miscarriage on Christmas morning. We went for our first ultrasound 2 days earlier at nealy 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat. The baby only measured a few days behind, so the demise was recent. The memory of the ultrasound is itself traumatic. The tech seemed to be taking too long, and I was starting to worry. That feeling momentarily vanished as the baby came into view. I smiled and let out a sigh of relief. I clearly saw the head, nose, arms, legs, and the umbilical cord. Just as I was about to say something to my husband, the tech said she was sorry to break the news, but there was no heartbeat. She asked if I wanted the doctor to look (yes! duh) and left the wand in place while she went to find the OB. When they returned, they turned the scrren away and quickly confirmed that it was a miscarriage. We were then escourted to another room where we waited an hour before the doctor came in and presented our options. I was told I could wait up to 4 weeks or induce a miscarriage and “pass the pregnancy” by taking cytotec. Initially I didn’t know what to do. I went home and googled all of this stuff about misdiagnosed miscarriages and decided to call back after the holiday and request a repeat scan just to be sure. However, after going to work the following day, I felt like I just couldn’t stand carrying around a deceased baby, so I administered the pills and miscarried Christmas morning. I still don’t know if I made the right decision. I have a repeat ultrasound scheduled for Monday to make sure everything passed and to rule out the need for a D&C.

Other than my mother and a sibiling, no one knew about the pregnancy. The afternoon before the appoinment, we bought all of these baby gifts to make the announcement to DH’s family and my dad and grandparents. So we spent Christmas Eve returning those. We opted to skip the Christmas festivities anyway since I just couldn’t bear it. We told everyone I had a GI bug, and were promptly greeted with a call from my step-mother (who I hate) telling me that I should take a pregnancy test since that might be why I was feeling sick. UGH.

I think this has been one of the most sad and isolating experiences of my life. I guess that’s why I keep finding myself reaching out to internet strangers going through the same thing. Because in reality, only another woman with a similar experience can understand. I know DH is sad, but I feel like his sadness is more of a disappoinment. I don’t feel like it’s possible for a man to actually grieve for the little life that was lost because they don’t know it. At least not in the same way. He can’t understand the emptiness of not having that little person growing inside of you anymore.

So now I’m just waiting for the results of my next ultrasound and then for my next AF so we can begin again. I take some comfort knowing we conceived so fast, I cannot even imagine what this is like for people who take months or years to conceive and I hope that I don’t have to. I don’t want to suggest that I hope this thread becomes more active, because I don’t wish this to happen to anyone. But I hope that other ladies who find themselves in the middle of this awfulness will join so that we can get through this together.

Post # 63
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@GrannyPantiesRock:  I know I said it on the August mama’s thread but i am so so sorry for your loss <3  I’m really sad that I’ll be joining you here on this board.  It’s been so quiet but I think we need to resurrect it.  I agree that this experience is extremely isolating but it doesn’t have to be.  It’s so hard to discuss this with others who haven’t gone through it because often times they don’t know what to say or they didn’t even know you were pregnant to begin with so it’s not really news you can share in order to get the proper support you need to grieve the loss.  That’s what weddingbee is for!

I just found out yesterday that at 8w3d, I have three gestational sacs–all blighted.  This comes after a missed miscarriage at 11w with my first pregnancy in October.  I’m scheduled for my second D&C on Wednesday.  2 losses in 4 months…devastated is an understatement but I don’t want to give up.  Two doctors have given me the extremely disappointing answer that this is all just “bad luck” and they don’t really begin to worry until your THIRD miscarriage.  It blows my mind that i have to go through this one more time before someone takes me seriously.  Thankfully, they’ve agreed to test the “products of conception” (ugh. I hate that term) for genetic abnormalities so maybe I’ll get some answers this time. I think my plan is to try to conceieve again as soon as possible.  Worst case scenario, I have a third miscarriage and I can begin the road to finding out answers and getting some closure… best case scenario, I get my sticky baby. 

I’d love to resurrect this board so all the bees TTC after a loss can lean on each other for support.

How’s everyone doing? Maybe a roll call is in order?

Post # 64
Member
2652 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@GrannyPantiesRock:  The way you describe your experience is exactly like mine except I knew right away. DH didn’t have clue and didn’t know why I wahyperventilating. There was no hb. I asked the tech and she told me ‘Im coming to that’. I keep reliving that moment over and over. I just can’t get over that. And the worst part is, nobody gets it. It really is isolating. I’m so glad that I have everyone on here for support.

I have a couple of amazing friends but the only one who really gets it (had 3mcs) just had a new baby so has so much going on. 

Post # 65
Member
2652 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@mariwithani:  Oh my God, I’m sosorry. I can’t even imagine having to go through two. One was bloody tough enough! Especially two D&C’s. You poor thing. 

I think you’re right about ressurecting this board. I put a post up a few days ago and seems like there are a few in the same position but yet this board is quiet!!

Maybe a new board to create interest and a roll call- what do you think? I definitely could do with the support and I know there are others out there 🙂

The topic ‘Journey of TTC after Miscarriage Part III’ is closed to new replies.

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