Post # 1
Hi bees, I need some help here. (I’ll try to make a long story short)
My Future Mother-In-Law is organizing my bridal shower/batchlorette party with my sister (MOH).
One of my BM’s should technically be my JR-BM as she is 12. But she is also taller than my sis, so shes just a “normal” Bridesmaid or Best Man
My sis and Future Mother-In-Law have already been taking into account that the fact that the JR-BM is 12, and now (after already getting some confirmations of people being able to make it) my Future Mother-In-Law is hearing back from my aunt/uncle that they wont be back from their vacation by then.
Her options are to change the date to the weekend before the wedding (I’d rather do it earlier and have the weekends closer to be able to work on finishing up my DIY projects), or to say “gee that sucks” (but nicely) and not have my cousin there at all…
I’m personally a little annoyed at my aunt/uncle right now for a few other not-totally-related topics, so I’m looking for some un-biased advice.
They knew when then wedding was and I feel that its a bit silly/stupid/negligent to book a family vacation for a week/2-weeks before the wedding when their daughter is a flipping bridesmaid.
At the same time, I dont want to punish my cousin for her parents being idiots (yeah, a bit annoyed at them right now).
Do I tell my Future Mother-In-Law to re-schedule to accomodate her?
Post # 3
Keep your shower the same date. It is not a requirement that all in the bridal party be at these things. The only requirement is to show up for the wedding.
Post # 4
I don’t see the big deal in her missing the bridal shower. it’ll probably be boring for her anyways. Also I don’t see why your Aunt and Uncle are at fault. They probably figured it was an okay time to go since it was before your wedding.. and not on your wedding day.
Post # 5
@EmeraldTiger: eh, don’t change the date of your shower.
i have 6 BM’s. four are not making it to my shower, because one is on vacation, two are too far away and the fourth is going to her boyfriend’s uncle’s birthday something-or-another. i was kind of hurt by the last one, but it’s her loss. whatever.
but i digress. it’s not a huge deal, don’t change the date of your shower.
Post # 6
@Woodstock: +1. Stole the thoughts outta my head
Post # 7
Wow, seriously, what is the big deal? She is a “junior” bridesmaid, not your Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 8
@Woodstock: +1. i’ve never been to a shower where all the BMs were in attendance… also, a combo bridal shower/bachelorette?! should this 12 year old even be included in the bachelorette?!
Post # 9
I don’t see how this is even an issue? It really isn’t a big deal for her not to be there…
Post # 10
Actually, were this my thread, I’d be wondering “What is a nice way to ensure that my 12 year old cousin does NOT attend my bridal shower/bachelorette party?”
Post # 11
Why does she have to be there. The shower is for you, not for her. Keep your original date, and have a great time. Showers aren’t mandatory for bridal party members.
Post # 12
I’m confused — we’re supposed to designate “junior” vs “regular” bridesmaids based on height?
Keep the date of the shower. One of my bridesmaids didn’t go to either of mine (and she’s an adult, not 12).
Post # 13
@Overjoyed: as in you wouldnt want her there?
@kristen182: well… I’m not interested in any sort of crazy partying or anything… its a complicated family drama thing… my Future Mother-In-Law was originally talking to my dad’s girlfriend about the batchlorette/thingy, and then she ran off and talked to my aunt about it who instantly said that go-carting would be much better than what they were planning (pole dancing class)… so she managed to get herself involved, and my mother is also trying to get involved in planning and if it were up to her it would consist of painting each other’s nails at home and maybe a sleepover with a scary movie if we wanted to really kick it up a notch.
Post # 14
@EmeraldTiger: correct. I wouldn’t want a 12 year old hanging out with me and my girlfriends. I think its sweet that she’s in the wedding, but I see bridal showers and bachelorette parties as opportunities to talk loud, drink lots and let your hair down. I wouldn’t do any of that in front of little kids or old people.
Post # 15
It’s for the best that she’s not going to be able to make it, IMO. Enjoy your party and take her out to lunch before the wedding!
Post # 16
TBH she probably wouldn’t want to go anyway. I can’t imagine any 12 year old being overly thrilled going to any adult function. I wouldn’t worry about her not being there!!