Post # 1
This is my first post..sorry if there are other posts about it that I have not read yet..
here is my potential problem. my bf and i have been dating for 3 years. we have had many ups and downs that my girl friends know about. we took “time away” from each other for about a month but we got back together and have decided to get engaged. this descision was not made lightly and i know that its what we both want. i picked out the ring, he has purchased it and now i am waiting for the customs to get finished on it and for him to propose. not only am i bursting on the inside because i have not told ANYONE about me getting engaged soon but…i also feel like i cant tell my friends because of their judgement.
all of these girls are my potential bridesmaids..one girl, is counting on my single life so that she is not alone…the other two girls make statements to me like, “oh well even if he proposed you wouldnt say yes would you?”. i know deep down that my happiness is important to them, and i am happy but i am just afraid to tell any of them. during this time when i would be secretly telling them that my bf took me to buy a ring instead, i’m keeping it to myself and feeling like once he does offically ask me, i will want to burst at the seems to tell them but what if they give me their typical “talk” and burst my bubble?
i love my friends..but they are more like the “misery-loves-company” type…how do i enjoy this time with their attitudes?
OH AND…my ring is not going to be finished for about a month…it has only been a week since we purchased it…i cant stop thinking about it and its really hard to hold it in and not tell anyone…..I FEEL LIKE IAM GOING TO BUST! lol
Thanks lovely bee’s!
Post # 3
@MissEMich: You might be getting these comments because of the time you spent apart from your bf. When people break up, much time is spent bashing the ex during girl time. This might be fresh in their minds if you had such a chat, and your girls might be confused that you’ve done a “180” as far as they are concerned. Sure you got back with him, but what about the reason why you broke up?
My advice to you is to shock the system, and tell them stories of all the things he’s been doing RIGHT lately, (and overall) and tell them how you’re reminded of the awesome guy he is. When you talk about him, make sure the good outweighs the bad at all times, so this information is fresh in their minds. Don’t hint that he’s going to propose. You want this information to be absorbed first so that they can reevaluate him in a more positive way.
In the end, when it does happen, and you’ve been priming them with all the good that he does and how great of a match he is, I’m sure they will take the high road and congratulate you. And let me be the first to welcome you to the bee and say congratulations.
Post # 4
I agree with the previous poster. Tell them you are together again and how happy you are.Personally,I keep information on my relationship private.Family and friends hold grudges and although you may kiss and make up,all that they remember is the bad stuff that person said or did to you.
Post # 5
I agree with the two previous posters as well. I hate my Maid/Matron of Honor and one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man husbands because of stuff they did. I never encourage them to get a divorce but I wished that they would’ve at the time. They decided to stay in the marriage so I respect their decisions and I am cordial to their husbands.
Just let your friends know that you are happy and the stuff in the past is just that “Stuff in the Past” They should respect your decision.
Post # 6
it’s definitely hard to put aside the negative things a friend says about her bf/fi/husband, especially in a situation like yours, where the negative things were enough to justify a break. previous posters are right that your guy probably needs a serious PR campaign to be reformed in the eyes of your friends.
it sounds like you are happy and sure about your guy, so yay for you!! getting engaged was one of the most amazing moments of my life 🙂
in interest of playing devil’s advocate though, i will toss this out there: i know you say you dont want them to be judgmental, but if you know that all the women closest to you would be so troubled by this impending engagement that you’re afraid to tell them anything, it might be worth really thinking about why. you should be able to tell your friends things they don’t agree with and still get support… it’s been my experience that the things i hid from those closest to me were the things i knew i really shouldn’t be doing.
Post # 7
I kind of feel like if you spent your relationship airing your dirty laundry, arguing in front of your friends, and then having a public (and I’m assuming, messy) breakup, then you should expect a bit of this. You getting engaged is probably going to bring up some confusion and probably some judgement (could you blame them). Try your best to explain and move on.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone. Its not that I totally bashed him during our “split”…it was more or less just us trying to figure out if we truely were ready to take the next step and make that commitment to each other. I agree that those closest to you give advice that is the most important even if you dont want to hear it but the friends that I have, with the expception of one, are rude to me about many other things. They dont hurt me intentionally however when it comes to things such as my career, they even say things and I think to myself, “did you not think before you said that?”. Even when I have good news about my job/schooling, they even judge on that and their comments tend to make me feel like what I do doesnt matter. It’s a lot deeper rooted than just the 3 year relationship I have been in, I often feel like my friends dont respect my choices (career, relationships, etc)…(oh and I am a teacher, not a stripper or something else that you may think is judge-worthy) which is hard because I try to support them anyway I know how. I guess I just needed to vent…its not just about my bf that I feel my friends arnt supportive, its other things that matter to me as well and its just really frustrating. I dont want to not have them as my friends but its a fact, they are negative when it comes to a lot of things. I need to find happier friends I guess. lol
Post # 9
If these are the type of people who are ‘misery loves company’ sorts then you should avoid telling them negative things about your man all together, since you know they’re just going to blow it out of proportion. I hope they are supportive in other areas.
However, as a friend it IS hard to accept a man after he has hurt your friend, and watch your friend give him another chance. Talk to them about their hesitations and reassure them that you two are in it for the long haul.
You realize you can tell people you’re engaged without having the ring. Its totally fine if you don’t want to wait.
Post # 10