Post # 1
So I work in a very professional atmosphere around many highly educated and successful women, which I think is great and I admire many of them. I am the youngest of all of them. None of them are married, some have had live-in boyfriends for many years.
ANYWAY, obviously the office knows I’m getting married. Fiance and I knew eachother for 5 months before we got engaged. He is in his 30s, I’m in my mid 20’s. Both financially sound, serious people. We have the same values and beliefs and want the same things. A friend of mine introduced us after I had given up on relationships and was focused on going to grad school and advancing in my career. But we fell in love and everything just felt natural and so right. We’ve been together now for over a year and can’t wait to finally get married!! I’m probably not going to go to grad school now, because I don’t want to wait too long to start a family and I want to be home with the kids when they come.
Fiance and I are the same ethnicity. I know many people within my culture that have met had whirl-wind engagements like us and are very happy and have been so for years. So for me, it’s pretty common. And you know what isn’t common in my culture? Divorce.
I know getting engaged after a few months isn’t typical in American culture.
Anyway, two women (one in her 30’s with a long-term bf and the other in her 60s and never married) stopped by my office for something work related and then once that was out of the way, one of them asked how wedding planning was going, etc, etc. Then the other asked how long Fiance and I have known each other. I’m not embarassed or ashamed so I answered 5 months. The one in her 30s started laughing and the one in her 50-60s said, I hope you know what you’re doing. I said I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. The one who laughed rolled her eyes. I replied that, “I always knew that when it would be right I would just know and I didn’t need years and years to know he’s the one for me and obviously, he didn’t need years to know I’m the one for him.” Who the hell are they to laugh at me and question what I’m doing?
I guess she took offense to this because she’s had a live-in for 10 years, which I honestly completely forgot about, because I really couldn’t care less. She stormed out of my office and now is being b*tchy towards me. I don’t care what anyone else does in their personal life or what decisions they make and I don’t share my opinion on them. I just know what’s right for me.
I heard one of them telling another woman in the group when she thought I was out of earshot “Did you know she was only with her fiance for 5 months before she got engaged??” Get a life!! You’re older than me and supposedly so much smarter but you have nothing better to do than talk about me?? I think I’m going to start the job hunt after the wedding and maybe go work in a more co-ed enviornment.
Post # 3
Yeah she has no right to get mad at what you said because she was rude and offensive first….if she can’t take it dont dish it out! *hugs* hang in there and don’t let the haters get you down :3 They are probably just jealous because they haven’t been proposed to!
Post # 4
Honestly, I don’t think it’s jealousy, they probably just think I’m young and dumb and silly, but either way, I just think they should keep thier mouths shut and go about their day.
Post # 5
What they did was mean, but I would take offense to what you said too (about your Fiance needing to wait a couple years). It just sounds equally judge-y in my book, but I understand what you meant. Personally, I would apologize. You’ve obviously offended her. Be the bigger person.
Post # 6
I’m glad that your situation has worked out in your culture, but in the US, statistically, those marriages fail. They could have been much more tactful about how they went about it, or not said anything, of course (both are preferable to what they said), but their stance on the matter has been proven by studies. And, just because divorce isn’t really an option doesn’t mean that everyone who stays together is happy.
My parents were engaged at 3 months, and had a 23 year long emotionally abusive marriage. It very common for short engagements to lead to situations like that (at least in our culture) because you simply don’t know the person that well – not like you do when you’ve been together for a few years or more. That’s not a guarantee, either – nothing is – so it’s important to follow your own instincts. Sounds like you are! There are many exceptions to every rule, so here’s hoping you are one of them!
Post # 7
They’re just jealous! It’s too bad that they have nothing better to do than talk about you, because you have a fiance and a wedding to plan. Don’t let them get you down!
My first day at my first “big girl/office” job, when I was 22 and had gotten engaged less than a month before to a man I’d been in a relationship with for 5 years, the mid-30’s, divorced woman who was training me said, “Oh, you’re engaged? Ugh, well, you never know if THAT’ll work out.” Well, guess what, 2 years later I’m incredibly happy and married to a wonderful man, and she’s still bitter and single.
Post # 10
I don’t think its jealousy – I agree with a PP’s who said they probably see you as young and dumb, as unfortunate as that sounds. My parents only knew each other for 3 months before getting engaged and they recently celebrated there 35 year anniversary so it does work for some people. I think people in America are just so used to divorce that they assume that’s what will happen for you. Still there is no reason they should have been rude.
Post # 11
Let them be, and don’t let it get to you.
I don’t think they’re jealous, but were just voicing an unwanted opinion of what they would’ve done given their circumstances/dating history. Doesn’t make them right or wrong about you getting engaged after 5 months.
The part where they were wrong was thinking that someone gives a rat’s ass what they think.
Post # 12
@crayfish: I understand that and am completely aware of that and this is where their attitude stems from, but living in the big world we live in and being older than me, they should also understand that the world and the NY metro area where we live is full of many cultures and not everyone leads their lives the same.
Both my parents and FI’s parents didn’t date very long before getting married and we both grew up with happy and in love parents that are still married today. Same goes for just about everyone in our families. So I don’t really see us as the exception but the rule.
Post # 13
And definitely not apologizing after 1) I heard her talking about me 2) she initially laughed at me and rolled her eyes. They put me in a position where I had to defend myself, “are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
I said what was true it wasn’t meant to be offensive and she probably doesn’t think what she did and said was offensive either. So I think me apologizing would look like I had no back bone. They are grown women. They should know that what they did and said was inappropriate for work. Small talk about the wedding, great. Judging me about my relationship? Overstepping. I’m not friends with them or family it’s none of their business.
Post # 14
I don’t think it is any of their business. Your response was a little mean. I’d call it a draw.
Post # 15
I think this is sadly pretty common. People tend to judge anyone / anything thats different from the situation they are in or be spiteful. And people project ALOT!! Don’t let it get to you, just enjoy your engagement and wondeful FI! Don’t give her the pleasure of letting these comments bring you down during this happy time for you.
Something similiar happened to me at an old job when I first started dating my bf. My boss was 15 yrs older and desperatly trying to marry her bf – like yelling & crying at him on the phone about it loud enough for the whole floor to hear for hours. Scary. When she found out my bf is a writer like her ex she rained on my parade for dating a “poor writer” who would supposedly ignore / dump me as soon as his next project started. Well, that never happened and we will be getting engaged this summer!! She’d also make the women with kids work extra late at the office and miss picking them up from daycare / school on purpose, then laugh about it behind their backs the next day!! It made me furios!! Most people would quit after 6 months and HR could never figure out why, LOL!
Post # 16
To echo what has already been stated: forget the b*tches! You’re happy, that’s all that matters. Unfortunately, the office can be a lot like high school. Gossip, cliques, drama, back stabbing, everything that doing a JOB and doing it WELL is NOT about. If they couldn’t handle a slightly snarky response to their abrasive attitudes and remarks regarding your relationship, then they shouldn’t have opened their mouths in the first place.
Happy wedding planning!! Let them be jaded and bitter. Not your problem! 😉