Post # 1
Hey everybody, you guys are always so helpful in giving me advice especially because sometimes I feel like I have nobody else to talk to about these things or I may be overly sensitive but I’m having a problem at work. I’m recently engaged and everybody at work knows that (the ring on my finger) something I’ve noticed that has been odd is that coworkers either assume my fiancé and I are going into debt or our families give us money. I work in an office making standard money. Pretty close to minimum wage actually, and the reason I got the job was because I truly want to have something of my own, I didn’t want to rely on my fiancé financially because I’m healthy and don’t have any kids yet and why not work. I want to feel a purpose in my life and I love office work and the people I work with I know don’t have bad intentions I just don’t know how to say certain things without seeming like I’m spoiled.
First things first my supervisor also got engaged around the same time as me. And there’s another girl who is not engaged but is planning her wedding bc her bf said he’s going to propose soon. My supervisor, She has a beautiful 1 ct ring. My fiancé got me a 2 carat ring, nothing wrong with that it’s what we could afford and we decided to splurge on the ring a little bit. when we all talk about weddings together she doesn’t seem to care who has what or how much (I love her for that) but other coworkers like the one who is about to get engaged has said off handed comments to me like “I’m glad that my fiancé wont go into debt buying me a ring” or another coworker asked me what my budget was for a wedding and I told her our Max is 30k which is a lot of money but for our area its average and its what we can afford. They will ask me questions like where we are having our wedding and at first I would give direct answers. And they always said something along the line of “that place is so expensive” and I said oh we got a really good deal. Then they go on about how they had to get eloped because they didn’t want to go into credit card debt for a wedding. So I always respond with yeah I completely understand we are paying everything ourselves and in cash to make sure we avoid anything we can’t afford and sometimes that will make them stop asking questions and completely end the conversation.
One coworker in particular always says how she can’t afford this or that and how she’s living paycheck to paycheck and she’s in her 50’s and how people who have money and spend over 15k for a wedding are so spoiled and are so lucky that they have parents who are willing to help them out. She wasn’t talking to me but I sit right next to her so she knew I was going to hear. And I could be getting overly sensitive but my fiancé works so hard for what he has I mean truly. He works 14-16 hours A DAY. Monday-Saturday because he has his own Bussiness and he deserves everything he gets and more. Then I overheard my coworkers talking and they said “if that ring was real she wouldn’t be working” I mean who says that? I don’t know if it was directed towards me bc I wasn’t in the conversation but I’m a pretty intuitive person as least I like to think so and so I stopped talking about everything wedding. There are people who are supportive of me at work and will ask questions and talk to me about it, but I can’t help but feel some people are annoyed. I don’t even bring it up. Actually I’ve never once brought up the wedding, so I can’t help but feel my coworkers think this job is a throw away to me when it’s not. Hell im broke its my fiancé who has money!
Then they will ask me questions about where we plan on living again I tell them the truth because I don’t want to lie and I tell them we hopefully want to buy a house and if not we will rent until we can buy. And they start lecturing me about the housing market and how I should work on my credit score and how I need at least 20,000 as a down payment which I already know what I would need since my credit score is over 780 and Im working with a realtor and mortgage loan personel to help with everything and I think that because of my age they judge me, I am the youngest worker in the office the second youngest is 28. I’m 21. I know I can’t change that but how do I deal with it? Also I hate being center of attention and I hate flaunting anything around. I’m actually a people pleaser which sucks and I’m working on it but I care too much about what they think 🙁 and comments like “must be nice to have…etc” are really getting to me. I work damn hard at my job too.
Post # 2
Stop discussing your finances with your co-workers!! They do not need to know all this information about your finances. It’s none of their business what your budget is for the wedding. Practice saying “Oh, we aren’t sure yet” or “we are taking a look at our budget”. That’s really all you need to say.
Post # 3
I didn’t read your whole post, but the more I read the more I just kept thinking “quit over sharing!!”. If you talk about money, you’re going to give people ammo to judge. I was raised in a household where it was considered extremely tacky to discuss money, so talking about budgets and giving people wedding and ring details is just opening the door for lots of judgement and inappropriate conversation that would die down if you kept a tighter lip.
Post # 4
Nobody needs to know your credit score. You are an oversharer. I can see why people would be annoyed.
Post # 5
Keep your financial information private and don’t let people lure you into discussions about money.
Post # 6
I think the best way to avoid this kind of awkwardness is to not discuss personal financial matters in the professional setting, which is a good general policy. You can be friendly and participate in conversation with your coworkers while also being politely vague about your own situation/choices. You don’t need to give details (especially about prices or how you’re paying for things!), and honestly it sounds like those conversations are becoming a distraction from your work.
You can get things back on track and put the focus back on your performance by knocking off the money talk.
Post # 7
Do you guys actually do any work? Or just discuss cash?
Post # 8
This could all be eliminated by not speaking of financial matters with co-workers, or frankly anyone who’s not paying your bills.
If you’re impressed with yourself and feel the need to brag because you have a 2 carat engagement ring, or because you’re paying 30k for your wedding, don’t be. In some areas that’s pretty standard.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
I think you share too much information about yourself and your circumstances. Keep yourself busy at work, that’ll help.
Post # 10
I get why you are confused.. you are open about your financial situation because you are young and it sounds like you never learnt to avoid talking about money.
well, now is a good time to learn: don’t talk about money. some people don’t care, sure, but many people get envious and will take out frustrations on you. others will try to use you.
previous posters have good suggestions. don’t go in to detail, just say “oh yeah, for sure” when someone gives you financial advice or warnings and smile and nod. stop correcting people.. it doesn’t matter what they think, so long as you do your job well and with a good attitude.
Post # 11
Innerdonught : lolololo!! Just discuss cash!!
Your very long post comes off humble braggish. “Oh my co-workers are bagging on me because my wedding and ring is more expensive.” Whoopedy doo. Let people wonder … the more nuggets you give them the more they can be thrown at you. Next time they ask, just change the subject or give a vague answer!
Post # 12
duchessfriedrich : It’s not even humblebragging–it’s just straight-up bragging.
Post # 13
They have ammo against you because you give it to them.
How much are you spending on your wedding? What is comfortable in our budget
How much was your ring? I don’t know, didn’t ask
It must be nice to have such a large ring. It is thank you, I was very surprised in the ring he chose
Post # 14
I work 40 hour weeks and see them all the time. When I was vague about my answers they seemed to get more distant it’s like you can’t win. I’m open with my finances bc I don’t care that people know I don’t have money and my fiancé does. Maybe if more people worked like him they would have just as much if not more. It’s just the fact that people will ask very specific questions and then expect u to say something and when u don’t they Comment . Hell yeah im proud of how hard my fiancé works. (I definetly am bragging about that) But honestly I don’t flaunt anything around. Hell it took me weeks to get used to my ring and most of these conversations are held during lunch. The girls want to be included. and I work for the state in a huge building with a parking lot that’s very inconvenient to leave just to avoid wedding questions. Also just as an edit: I didn’t tell them my credit score or any personal information other than we are paying for our wedding in cash and what the budget was and if they asked any personal questions. Never once mentioned my ring or credit score. Just our future plans if they specifically asked me. But when someone asks u cut and dry and are sharing how much they spent and did and they ask u. Wouldn’t it be rude to avoid the question after they’ve shared so much??
Post # 15
hairstylist101 : Make up stuff, then. They’ll get the message.
Q: “How much are you paying for your wedding?”
A: “One miiiiiiilion dollars!”
Q: “Who’s paying for your wedding?”
A: “Donald Trump and the Easter bunny!”
I often work more than 40 hours a week, in a small office with the same people, and yet I still don’t get questions from colleagues about my finances. Clearly I’m working in the wrong place!