Post # 61
The other thing too…you made a comment that you work because “you want to have something of your own”…I suspect your coworkers know that is how you feel about your job too…not that you NEED the job…most of them probably DO need the job – so here you are, early 20s, with your 2 carat ring basically making it sound like you work because you want to and so you have something that is yours (I bet money you made a comment to that effect at some point at work)…THAT attitude is a HUGE turnoff to a lot of people and that probably teed up all these questions and comments …it is also probably the underlying reason why you “don’t fit in”
Post # 62
You don’t sound like a bad person, a tad smug perhaps, but mostly naive. It comes with the territory of being young and in having life be fairly kind to you. So you can say things like “Maybe if more people worked like him they would have just as much if not more” with a straight face, much in the same manner someone might say to a Stay-At-Home Mom of two-year-old triplets ‘oh gee you’re so lucky you don’t have to work all day!’ ….you just don’t get it because you haven’t been there & can’t empathize or really relate. I remember when I was quite young, I didn’t understand why anyone would be poor if they were able-bodied and could work, I just thought ‘well if you need money, just get a job’ …..well karma just laughed and laughed at this and decided it would be fun to make me working poor for awhile. When you’re university educated and all you have to show for it are student loans and you can’t find work in your field and jobs are scarce and seasonal and you’re working 6 days a week at minimum wage with no benefits and have to decide whether to pay your hydro bill or buy groceries and then your kid gets sick and you have to pay for prescriptions…..well then you learn the hard way not to say stupid insulting shit like If you’re poor just get a job or Maybe if more people worked like him they would have just as much if not more. So hopefully insight will come with age for you.
However, you’re not the only one to blame here. in your naivete you’re over-sharing and certain sour types at your office who seem to be asking you questions only to take issue with your answers. You enjoy your job, are an admitted people pleaser, and like to talk about your wedding and your fiance, but even if you try not to brag deliberately, you’re allowing them to pry too much and then use your answers against you. Don’t answer their questions, it’s rude of them to ask how much you’re spending on your wedding, not their business- and then they either make false assumptions (like you going into credit card debt) or act like you think you’re better than them if you give them answers like ‘we’re paying cash’ (even though they were the ones that asked).
I can actually empathize with this part, because I know someone like this- who wants to know everyone else’s business and then gets all butt hurt and resentful at the answers. She would ask seemingly innocent questions (like what your SO/FI/DH got you for Christmas), even though I’d avoided talking about it because her douchebaggy partner didn’t get her anything and I didn’t want to sound like I was bragging or rubbing salt in her wounds. She’d even keep on about it if I didn’t tell her- BUT if I did tell her, you could actually see the sour sneer or resentment, the must be nice attitude come out. Solution: Recognize the game. Refuse to play the game. Period. Just shut that shit down and don’t play along. Be nice, be friendly, but stick to name rank and serial number and what you watched on TV last night, don’t give out private information even when they ask.
Post # 63
Carolsays : Ha! You’re right, sometimes you do just need to be firm with people. The thing that’s weird to me though, is that OP is continually telling people so much! It wasn’t just one slip of the tongue, it’s like “oh they’re being judgey… I’ll tell them more”
Post # 64
Oh please let OP read and learn and inwardly digest this ….
ETA I just went though some of OP’s other posts.
OP, my dear child , you are obsessed with money and ring sizes and earning etc etc. Also evident is your amazingly good opinion of yourself. Outstanding was one of the words you used to describe some work performance plus quite a bit about how great a leader and management person you will be , and how you know this having been so in the past. Since it was 8 months ago when you wrote that ,you must have been , what, 20? And had already been a leader and management person . Maybe at school .
Other posts are pretty much all about how everyone is envious/jealous or mean to you, whilst you describe yourself as a people pleaser ….As you can see, your general air of well, sorry, conceit is not getting/keeping you many friends . Stop and have a think and maybe try to be a bit less self focussed at work and elsewhere. I think you will find you have less to complain about and feel happier. I hope so, I don’t wish you any ill- will at all and would not like to think of people finding you a bit of a joke, behind your back.
It’s great to see a young woman who has self confidence and foresightedness, its not so great to see it take the form of one who appears to be to be utterly full of herself and her own wonderfulness.
Here in Australia , we call it ‘having tickets on yourself’.
Post # 65
hairstylist101 : I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, I don’t think you are a terrible person for answering their questions! Just that you weren’t ready for the questions maybe. Weddings make people think they have license to ask extremely intrusive questions. I realized that as well.
My way to avoid answering any finances was to veer the topic off course. Like “hey Marbelles, how much is your wedding costing you guys?” My answer: “ugh, more than I would like to, the wedding industry is just terrible. They hear it’s a wedding and they take advantage”then I would change the subject. It worked EVERY TIME.
Post # 66
hairstylist101 : You can totally tell when a person is being overtly nasty because they’re insecure about their fianncial status so they are trying to be spiteful to you. People will always do this to the one who is luckier than them in terms of cash wise. Don’t let this gets to you. If you and him work so hard then why not splurge it on something you guys can afford. Let them judge all they want. It’s your money and your life with him not with them. I have people coming up to me and ask me if my parents will pay for the wedding and will I have more than 1,000 guests at the wedding and I often shoot them down and say no. We will be paying for the wedding ourselves and I will only have 200 guests that I adore at our wedding. I am rocking a 3.5 carat solitaire engagement ring and my wedding venue is very expensive. I drive a very top expensive car and I have all the expensive things in life. I take more than 5 times vacations to other countries and I occasionally give money away to dogs and orphanage shelters. I work very hard also and think my fiancé and me deserve the world because we both work our asses off and know our limit in term of spending and saving. 8; people think I’m spoiled, let them. I work 14 hours a day and my fiancé works 16 hours a day. So, why can’t we spend a little and get whatever we think are best for the both of us. We pay for everything ourselves and we don’t have credit card debts. People that says nasty thing about you, don’t deserve to be your friend. Just enjoy your beautiful engagement ring, plan on your wedding and live your life the happiest way you could possibly can. Life is too short to worry about other people thinking we’re spoiled brat. It it doesn’t increase your pay check or any value to your life just *ignore* them honey.
Post # 67
Stop talking to them about anything having to do with money. Period. And in general, don’t discuss finances in social situations or professional ones. Very risky and in poor taste.