(Closed) Jump in? Or take your time?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@darlingbee:  Darling Husband has owned houses since he was in his early 20s, so already had one when we moved in together.  We took our time on marriage, though (6 1/2 years), and are really taking our time before we have a child.

Post # 4
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well as it panned out we are idea A. But knowing that I think we could easily adapt to idea B if something would have thrown our plans off. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Buying a home was for us strictly a number game – approach A. Either you can afford a house or you can’t. The rest, we jumped in with both feet and never looked back. 🙂

 

ETA. To answer your questions, I think if you’re already planning for the future together and you know you want to be together then plan B is just fine. If you really want it to work, you’ll make it work. Why wait?

Post # 6
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I think there’s a HUGE difference between being prudent and impulsive…the key is to find that happy medium, so you’re not trying to have it all nailed down, filed and handled all of the time, because that sounds really boring but you aren’t flying by the seat of your pants whilst broke and lost with no clean underwear….

Post # 7
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

I think what matters is that whichever “mode” you tend toward, you BOTH approach it the same way.  It can be really difficult if one of you is a planner and one of you is super impulsive.  DH and I luckily are similar, leaning more towards the “float along the current of life” kind of approach.  It would be stressful, for me anyway, if he was really into planning and that kind of thing. 

We got married young – both of us were 23 at the time.  Now we’re both 32, have owned a house for 3 years and are going to try for a baby in a couple months.  I would say, at the very least, if you have any inkling of wanting kids, make sure to get on that before you get worrisomely old…that’s the only thing I would make sure to “plan” out to some degree.  

“broke and lost with no clean underwear”   haha awesome.  🙂

Post # 8
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We are older and knew what we wanted. I own a condo (my girls will live there) and he owns a house that he will rent out because I want to live in a warm climate, So we have decided to look for a house and move by the end of the year. Our wedding will be sometime this year.

Post # 9
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Ahh

that’s funny, it can make things shake when one person is A and the other is B.

:S Wich is my case… I’m a B and my boyfriend is an A

Post # 10
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

We did Idea A, but for a different reason. We’re prepared for all the stuff that comes with B, but we wanted time to be together as husband and wife and travel and stuff. We’re having two years of fun, and then we’ll do everything else. The first year of fun was beyond fantastic!

Post # 11
Member
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@darlingbee:  I’d say A.  We were definitely planning all the stages.

 

I did the “let’s hope for the best” route with my first marriage while having gut feelings about it all – so this time I really wanted to use my head and logic for the second time!

Post # 12
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We’re plan A.

Our 12 year dating anniversary will be this July (high school sweethearts). We bought our first home last year. No kids yet, though. I much prefer this to the idea of a whirlwind relationship leading to a quick marriage, buying a home on an impulse, etc. Thats just me though. I know that works for some people, but in my experience with the people that I have known it hasn’t turned out too great…

Honestly I think the whole, “you’re never really ready” generalization thing is BS. There are plenty of people, myself included, that have been completely sure about marriage, children, or buying a home. I feel like people that use that as an excuse to move forward are still hindered by something and not fully committed to the idea yet. It just rationalizes it for themselves – “this is normal. everyone has doubts. no one is ever really ready”

Post # 13
Member
3063 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My husband and I really try to prepare for everything as much as possible. It took us seven years before we got married, we’re still planning our honeymoon even though we’ve been married for over four months already, it’ll probably take us another year to finally buy a house although we could now, and kids… jeesh who knows when/if that’ll happen.

Post # 14
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We are definitely A people..  Darling Husband had it all planned out in his head on how things were supposed to go.. 

First do the University thing and graduate.. Then get your career and have a good paying job..  Then buy a house and move out of parents.. Then get married..  Then have children.  

That’s why I had to wait 9 1/2 years of dating until we got engaged lol.  Tongue Out No rushing or changing his mind because he had a plan and stuck to it, he is a very logical person.

With us having children, we are still going for “A” and planning it.  But in some way we might go towards B since we haven’t decided exactly yet when, but know it is coming soon..  It sounds like we want to finish renovating the house first before.  Then see..

Post # 15
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

We’re definitely A people.  Honestly, I just find that to be smart.  It doesn’t make sense to jump into a house or to having kids or whatever unless you’ve thought it through, decided it was right for you, and know that you can afford it.

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