Post # 1
My mother keeps hinting at wanting my little half-sister to be my flower girl. First of all, she’s 12 so too old to be a flower girl. Second she’s flighty and throws tantrums like she’s 4. I know there is this option of a Junior Bridemaid – although I would have zero expectations of her doing anything wedding related, I honestly have no desire to add her to the wedding party at all.
Is there any nice way of telling them both that I would rather her just sit quietly with the rest of the family? Or am I being selfish?
Post # 3
I’m always concerned about other peoples feeling’s, can’t think of a nice way to exclude her. Maybe she can help handing out programs or reading something. It’s your wedding do what makes you happy.
Post # 4
My situation is not quite the same, but I decided against a junior bridesmaid. I take care of 2 girls for a close family friend and absolutely adore the girls. I knew I wanted to have the youngest, 5, as my flower girl, but I wasn’t sure how to best include her older sister, 11. I spoke with their mother about it and we both agreed that the 11 y/o wouldn’t want to be a flower girl too. The 11 y/o had been complaigning that everyone was treating her like her younger sister and we knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to make them both flower girls. I personally wasn’t fond of the idea of having a junior bridesmaid, so I just talked to the 11 y/o about how she wanted to be included. We discussed the different roles people have in weddings and she decided that she wanted to do the guest book and programs so that then she could sit and enjoy the wedding with her mother. She is a very mature 11 y/o and was so sweet about wanting to enjoy the wedding with her mother but still be included, so it worked out perfectly! It may not be as easy to talk to your half-sister about it but maybe if she says she feels too old to be a flower girl then you could suggest something like a reading or the guest book. That way your mother knows you made an effort to include her in a way that you are all comfortable with the outcome. She may even say she just wants to sit with the family like you would prefer. I’ve come to find that dealing with family is the one thing about your wedding that you have to handle delicately. A discussion with your mom and half-sister would show that you are considering their opinions and your mother and most likely your half-sister will appreciate that. Children tend to respond well when they are approached in a sincere way. If you explain each role that you are comfortable with her having, then she will most likely take any role seriously since she will feel that you are allowing her to decide. It is all in how you approach her. I’m fairly certain that my 11 y/o guest book attendant feels like she has the most important role in the wedding (besides the bride and the groom) because I’ve made such a big deal about it with her and she feels responsible for making sure she does a good job since she chose that role. Sorry for the long reply, but I hope that helps!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t tell her you don’t want her in the bridal party. Instead, I just wouldn’t ask her to be a part of it. So it’s assumed she’ll just be a guest.
Post # 6
A “position” could for her like an usher, or pass out programs or holdthe doors open for you when you walk down the aisle.
Post # 7
Your mother can drop hints left and right but ultimately it’s your decision. If the half-sister is prone to dramatics and tantrums, let her simply be a guest. You’ll probably feel a lot better knowing that you won’t have to argue with a child over a dress, duties as a flower girl/JBM/usher-ette, or have to have her removed from the wedding should she throw a tantrum and steal the spotlight.