Post # 1
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
I am so sorry this is so long!
This is the only place where I can really rant right now. My fiance understands and is on my side I feel I need to just vent here.
So a couple days ago while I was talking to my mom on the phone I mentioned that once we move out of state it isnt going to be any different than it is now because I live 15-20 minutes away from everyone in my family and no one comes to visit us and the kids. Fiance and I make it a point to go and visit everyone so we are the ones always making the trips even when we just dont have the gas to do so.
Well I guess my mom relayed this message that my feelings were hurt that no one has ever come to visit us in the 3 years that I have been home and my middle sister took offense.
I get on facebook that night and see this message: “Before you throw your mother F’ing family under the bus you might want to take a look at the fact that you are the one that moved so mother f’ing far out so that no one could visit you! And also keep in mind, you only visit one person in this mother f’ing family so dont even say that no one comes to visit you!”
I was appalled. I didnt answer her. To clarify everything in her message. I moved far out? I live 20 minutes from her. I have gone to every single birthday party for her kids. I have gone to her house to pick up all 4 of my neices and nephews just so she could have the weekends alone. She has NEVER once kept my kids or even asked. She has never once seen the inside of my home.
Then she claims that I only visit one person in the family. Untrue. Yes when I come down to the city I am usually going to my moms house. But before I go I call my mom and ask if my sisters are going to be there so that i can be there when they are there so that I can kill like 3 birds with one stone.
I am so offended! I made a general statement to my mom and then I get mother F’d all over facebook by my sister?? Im sorry if I decided to live 20 minutes from you so that my kids can go to a better school.
Now in the past couple days everyone in my family has made me feel like the bad guy. I havent said anything to her. Yet I get the words “you need to squash this, thats your sister, you shouldnt not be talking to her that is stupid”. WEll im going to be stubborn on this one. She can apologize first because she has always been the sister that I looked up to but it seems everytime she shits (sorry for the language) on me and I have to apologize first. Not this time.
Ive always been the outcast of this family because I choose to not live in the city with my kids. My Fiance and I are now seriously considering the out of state move. I was much happier with my family from afar.
Am I overreacting?
Post # 3
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
Oh, and to add. My sister isnt the only culprit here. No one in my family has seen the inside of my home. I even invited them all back in September 2010 to a housewarming party and no one came just my friends.
Post # 4
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Holy geez, sounds like she’s got some crazy problems. For one, even if I were pissed, i certainly wouldnt put it on a FB wall like that with such language. It only makes her look bad. I’d just respond calmly with basically what you said about, 20 minutes can barely be considered far, yes you do visit and watch her kids, and NO shes never even seen the inside of YOUR house and her comment is totally uncalled for.
Post # 5
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
No, she was totally out of line. You should be able to have an honest conversation with your mother with out your sister freaking the F out. Apologizing to your sister will only solidify that her behavior is warranted and acceptable. I would calmly ask your mother what she said.
Post # 6
Member
890 posts
Busy bee
Holy hell I am sorry. You have every right to put your foot down on this one. SHe is the one that s a child in this situation. Make sure you stand your ground and be happy with just your family! You don’t need that family drama!! I personally think its messed that none of your family came to your housewarming! That to me is a WOW! Hang in there.
Post # 7
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
Thanks everyone! I just constantly feel like I have to tiptoe around my family with everything. Especially with my wedding planning. Im always thinking “dont mention the wedding too much you dont want to bore everyone”. Well it doesnt matter because not once has anyone asked “how is the wedding planning going?” I couldnt manage to get anyone free to go dress shopping so I did it alone with my 4 year old daughter.
My sister had the nerve to say in a follow up post that our family is close and how dare I imply that we arent. I never once implied that. But I guess this realization just tells me that they are close….just not with me.
Post # 8
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
NCPwedding Yeah, I get the “black sheep” treatment too. Your sister was out of line, and you need to do what is right for your family (FH and kids). I get along better with my family with a little bit of distance.
Post # 9
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
LOL my mom told me today that my sister deleted her from her FB page all because my mom said this is all so stupid. She is turning into a 38 year old child!
Post # 10
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
You are not over reacting. I completely understand where you are coming from. Me and my fiance are always the ones to reach out to my sister and Dad. The only time we see them is when it is a holiday and they want us to throw the holiday get together. Other than that, I rarely get a call back. I lived 5 minutes from them after having my first child and none of them came to visit to see us or the baby. So we ended up moving an hour away where it is cheaper and closer to my FI’s family. They have never once called to ask about the kids, asked to take them to do something or offered to watch them. Some people are just self centered. And usually, it doesn’t change. Stand your ground! You are not wrong here!
Post # 11
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
This is my life!! I always have to apologize for moving to a different town, or taking a different job..no one is interested in my wedding…I have done ALL my wedding DIY and dress shopping stuff with my 7 year old daughter. My family believes we should all grow up and live and STAY in the same town our whole lives. When Fiance took a job in Mississippi with Toyota, they were all furious because there is a Toyota plant in KY. Yes, if you choose to work on the factory floor. Fiance is in an office and is a specialist (idk of what). My family never visited me in any of the houses I’ve lived in in 33 years. I am expected to visit them a hundred times a year! Our first Christmas in our first house that we bought, last year, they threw a fit because I wanted to have Christmas morning here!! We didn’t. This year, though..everyone can kiss it. Sorry I want to have nice things and give my daughter a better life than staying in a crappy town. They refuse to come see our new house and none of them are coming to the wedding. too bad so sad! Then the guilt trips…you drug our granddaughter/niece/greatgranddaughter away..”gave her to FI’s family” Hello, we live in MS alone and know noone!! ugh
I agree with PP. Stand your ground!! You have to do what is best for you and your kids!
Post # 12
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
^^haha, we live in Tupelo. Big change from Lexington KY!! There’s nothing here but cotton!!
Post # 13
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
@MississippiQueen: Thank you so much! Im glad to see that Im not alone here. My fam bam is definitely tripping. My mom is on my side on this one and told me to stand my ground. She knows for years i have looked up to my sister and this really hurts me. But as of now she is out of the wedding and is not invited until she apologizes to me.
She wont. She is ultra stubborn! Who deletes their mom from FB??!!
Post # 14
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
I would love to delete my Mom from FB but we just told her that it deactivates after 30 days if you don’t log in…haha don’t need her lurking around going through stuff making inappropriate stoner comments!!
Post # 15
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
No my family is the same. I always have to work my schedule around THEM. For my own birthday dinner I had to wait til two weeks until after my birthday to celebrate because it’s easier for them. Then on the way to my birthday dinner I found out all my siblings were coming and I thought it was going to be just my parents. It is so annoying and then they try to guilt trip me for not seeing them enough. I lived in Pittsburgh 1 year and no one came but my one brother. Literally no one else the whole entire time. When I would drive from Pittsburgh to Cleveland for parties they were always annoyed that I didn’t come around enough. I love them but I’m sick of having the world revolve around them. Sometimes distance is good for a family then you can miss them lol