Post # 1
Those who have read past posts of mine would know that I am sort of “un-engaged”. My SO and I decided to get married half a year ago, we’ve picked a date and we’ve started quite a bit of planning so I consider us engaged. However, he doesn’t consider us engaged until he proposes “properly”. We haven’t told anyone we’re engaged yet because of this. My SO has the ring now and he has told me he is going to propose this month! I’ve very excited to finally be able to tell people I am engaged!
A few days ago, his sister got engaged! We’re all really excited and happy to hear the news since her and her Fiance have been together quite a while and it’s about time, lol!
However, there is one small problem. My SO and I picked February 11, 2012 as our wedding date… but now his sister is talking about having her wedding in February. Her wedding is going to be a destination wedding to Jamaica, so I definitely don’t want to have my wedding too close to hers because it’d be too much trouble for everyone.
I’m upset because we chose our date so long ago, but because my SO doesn’t consider us engaged yet (and therefore are not “openly” engaged), his sister now obviously gets first dibs on dates for being engaged first.
I’m just… kinda bummed. I’ve always wanted a winter wedding and I loved our February date. I do not want to do it in December, with the holidays and everything, I just feel like that is too much going on in one month. I was then thinking maybe January… but would it be terrible of me to have my wedding before hers? The only other option is March but, while it’s usually still cold and snowy here in Canada in March, It just doesn’t feel “wintery” enough to me…
I know there is really nothing I can do about this, I just wanted to vent a little…
Post # 3
This is a lame situation… so sorry
I would do it in January. Is anyone really going to make a fuss about you getting married before them?
Post # 4
ugh thats craptastic. at least it is only the date though, and you are getting a proposal soooo soon!
Post # 5
I feel this. My best friend got engaged a week before me – even though I knew Fiance had the ring, and we’d picked a date.
She then announces she chose March 3. We had picked March 31. I know it’s a different situation, but we will be in eachother’s weddings, have a lot of mutual friends and even family.
Since we wanted to avoid the same months, we moved ours to Feb 4. I’m not sure how she feels about ours being “first,” but I would like to think it doesn’t matter? There’s nothing that says you have to be engaged the same amount of time.
Why not January or early March? I do love your date – couldn’t use it bc it’s FI’s grandma’s bday. lol. But, it’s just a date, right?
Post # 6
What do you have planned? If it comes to the point that you’ve put down deposits and stuff, you might have to have your SO come clean to his sister that you guys have been planning on the down low.
Even if not, I might have him mention that you guys were thinking of February to her. Maybe she doesn’t really have her heart set on it and will be happy to make a change.
Post # 7
That sux! Why don’t you chat with the other couple after you’re “officially” engaged and see how they would feel about you being married prior to them? I had a friend/co-worker get engaged after me and married a month prior to us and I didn’t have a problem with it. Try not to get “worked up” until you communicate with them. Okeedokee?!
Post # 8
OP, have you SO wait until march first to proposal (you’ll have a wonderful month all to yourself with no distractions). Then tell the other couple that you have always wanted a short engaged, and then shoot for a Jan wedding 🙂 January is a beautiful month of weddings. <3
Post # 9
@His Lil SantosGirl: hmm..i dont see why the proposal needs to wait?
Post # 10
Hmmm…if his sis is definitely set on February, and you don’t mind January, can you change it to then? That totally sucks though. I love your wedding date b/c it’s my bday and I just think February is a great month for a winter wedding. I do understand why you wouldn’t want it in December. Do you have any idea when she will set a definite date in February?
Post # 11
@tall_jenny: Eh, people may or may not make a fuss. It’s hard to say right now. I guess I just feel like people might think I picked the date because I wanted to get married first, when in reality I just want my winter wedding. :
@SapphireSun: We don’t have any deposits on anything yet, so that’s not an issue.
I don’t really know if we should bring up the issue… I feel like it’d be rude or something. They got engaged first, so they should get to pick any date they want, right?
@His Lil SantosGirl: I thought that maybe we should distance our engagements from each other a bit, but I’ve been waiting a while and I really want to be engaged, finally! I’m okay with having our engagements close together.
Post # 12
You say you’re in Canada, what about November? Where I’m from, we have snow starting in October, just enough to make it feel wintery enough!
Post # 13
@Bostonsmom: Yeah, it’s definitely cold here too, but we don’t always have snow in November and it still doesn’t really feel as “winter” to me (more fall). Plus, that is a bit shorter of an engagement than I’d like!
Post # 14
I agree with melisslp – wait till you’re actually engaged and then discuss it with them if it still bothers you then. You may see it one way, but his sister/other people may see it as you making a big deal when you’re not engaged yet.
Do they know he’s proposing this month, and do they consider you officially engaged? If not, and they pick their date, I don’t know if you can do anything about it. You may be upset about it, but again, to her, if there’s hard feelings or things get complicated, she may be upset also since she became engaged firs and views that as the determining factor rather than who’s been planning what sans engagement the longest.
Who knows-maybe she’ll pick a completely different month and you won’t have to worry about it!
Post # 15
I would discreetly talk to Fi’s sister about the dilemma. And then go from there and try to figure something out.
Post # 16
This a difficult situation and I am so sorry that your dream date might not be workable. My husband and I were thinking about getting married on 2/14 since it is my b-day and our anniversary, but EVERYTHING costs nearly twice as much the week surrounding Valentine’s day. Vendors quoted us different prices, flowers were 2 or 3 times more expensive, travel/airfare costs were 20% higher, hotels in the area raised room rates by at lease 25%, etc. Needless to say, we changed our wedding date. (Also, thinking about the future: any time we would want to celebrate our anniversary (weekend getaway) everything would cost more simply because we were married on Valentine’s day.)
Do you feel comfortable enough to talk to his sister before you set the wedding date? You could ask her if having your wedding in January would upset her? Otherwise, I’m not sure where you are in Canada, but I was in Ontario last year at the end of March and it was still VERY VERY WINTERY! 😉 Good luck and I hope everything works out!