(Closed) Just a question for bees with children from a previous relationships…

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I find that pretty sweet.  I would ask you FH what he is comfortable with and then let the two of them find it naturally.

Post # 4
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Well it does sound like he’s comfortable already. I think because she recognizes the marriage as being significant, then perhaps you should include her in the ceremony and at that point start referring to him as Daddy. (sorry I butted in, since I don’t have bio-children, however I have an amazing little bonus son)

Post # 5
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would follow her lead honestly. I don’t have any kids, but my step-dad married my mom when I was 3 and I was always told if I wanted to, I could call him dad and I did a couple times, but calling him by his first name always (and still does) came natural to me instead. If she’s asking about it though, I say start calling him “dad” in front of her, if she isn’t really comfortable with it, she’ll make it known.

Post # 7
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@tranquility: Just as a reply from the other side. I never felt out of place or less than my brother and sister who are my step-dad’s bio kids. I always refer to him as my dad when talking to other people, and when he tell people about his kids he has 3, 2 daughters and a son. It sounds like your Fiance will be the kind of person who will treat her just like he’ll treat any of his bio kids when you guys starting having them.

Post # 8
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m right there with ya. Only my son does know his dad (very rarely sees him).. He even said the same thing before the wedding… & on the big day when we left for the honeymoon he totally said bye dad. I still call Justin, Justin, but the munchkin is starting to call him dad more often. I still feel pretty weird referring to Justin as dad. It probably won’t be till the munchkin calls him dad more often than not that I refer to him as dad too.

Post # 9
Member
5179 posts
Bee Keeper

@tranquility: My daughter calls Fi ‘babe’ lol. He has been around since she was one.. and just started talking. I always called Fiance babe.. and she picked it up. Her dad is still active in her life but sometimes she calls Fiance daddy babe.. I think its cute. Fiance desperately wants her to call him daddy.. but I think it would just confuse her. I say go for them finding it naturally. When Fiance and I move in together.. I am going to try to refer to him as daddy.. 

Post # 10
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Follow her lead. If she starts calling him Dad all the time, it’s okay for you to use the same language.

I think the title is earned; kids don’t just give it away. My DS was 12 when Mr. Lk and I combined households, and DS made it very clear to me, at that time, that Mr.LK was an adult that he liked and respected, but he was not “Dad”. And then a few weeks ago DS used the “D” word. And last night, while Mr. LK and DS were cleaning up after dinner, he called Mr. LK “Dad.” It’s not a consistent pattern yet, but progress is being made.

Post # 12
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is the exact situation we were in. We definately let my Dirty Delete call the shots. She would call him Dad in front of kids at school (he would go for Donuts for Dads and things like that). And then when she got married she asked if she should just call him Dad all the time. We have a daughter together also so I think it made the transition easier. Sometimes it is harder for me to remember then her!

Post # 13
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have the same type of situation but mine is alittle more complicated…I will try to explain without rambling lol

My oldest daughters father is my Ex-Husband and he and I get a long really well now.

My youngest daughters bio-dad was a situation that happened in between my divorce and my Fiance. Her BD (BIO-DAD) has not seen her in 2years and hasn’t paid me child support since March (now dealing with the courts with that) …

So, the littlest one started going to my exhusbands with my oldest daughter on her “daddy weekends” before Fiance came into the picture because my EX said that it wasn’t her fault her BD was a waste of space. So since she was 2years old she has called my ExHusband daddy. Now in reality he isn’t anything biological to her at all but treats her as his own (yes I am grateful for this it’s amazing for her and her sister). But, obviously my oldest understands the whole situation being that she is 8yrs old….

Now enter Fiance…. they both call him Mark or Marky…but now that the wedding is so close and we are talking about it more my littlest one keeps asking when Marky will be her daddy….it’s hard because she doesn’t think she can call him daddy and my ex husband daddy at the same time ( yeah talk about confusion for a 4year old lol ) So, we have just told her that she can call Marky whatever she wants and sometimes it’s daddy, daddy marky or just Marky….In the end we just let her decide and we will go with that!

 

Post # 14
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

On heres a great spin on it….

DS Dad has made very clear for years.. to only me (through ugly phone calls) that he is NOT okay with my now husband (then any guy I might marry) being “Dad”…. (He was made to call his step-dad “dad” my his mother and step-father)

Now how am I supposed to tell my son, who on his own started calling Darling Husband dad, that he can’t?!..

Needless to say ex-husband doesn’t know.. and I’ve been holding off dealing with him. *sigh*

The topic ‘Just a question for bees with children from a previous relationships…’ is closed to new replies.

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