(Closed) Just a thought…

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 4
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@alyssaC:  And older brides, do you find yourself lumping all the young ones together, why or why not do you do this? 

 

 

It is because we remember how we were at that age.  Many of us also thought we had everything figured out and were really mature for our age….and then life smacked us in the face and reminded us that we didn’t know squat. 

Post # 6
Member
9659 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

great post. i agree with pretty much everything.

 @nursemel:  that doesn’t mean that young brides aren’t mature enough to make life changing decisions just because they aren’t older. i have also seen this so many times on the bee. yes we may not know everything we will learn in our lives, because we are still young. but we can still be mature enough to be ready for marriage, and make mature decisions about our lives. just because someone else is older, it does not give them the right to criticize a bride’s decisions, and choice to get married just because she is young. 18, 30, or 60+, EVERYONE has the right to get married to the love of their life, and start a life together. 

ETA: and if someone replies to me saying “I can tell you’re young” I’m gonna spew

Post # 7
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@imalittlebirdie:  i definitely agree with that post!

 

I kind of feel that way in real life. I went to an “Oldies Night” with some friends, (2nd time going out in about a year) and the whole night I felt as though we were being looking down on because we were younger. Like it was only for people 35-40+.

However, i haven’t felt any ageism here πŸ™‚

 

Post # 8
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@alyssaC:  I know how it feels….not in the bee so much but IRL, Im 24  and alot of times people want to treat me like im 16, which is not cool because i grew up along time ago, there was some nasty comments ive read in other posts about how you can not possibly be mature younger then like 26 because your brain isnt developed completely, well i hate to say it but brain development does not always equal maturity, trust me ive me some older VERY smart people and they were incredibly immature….i dont like to lump maturity with age or brain development….i think its a personal experience for everyone…i try not to judge….somedays its hard, most of the time i wonder about maturity with people younger than me is when they are 19 and dated a whole month and are pissed they arent engaged and most of the time with the girls i know like that, every guy is THE guy, and if they dont propose right away they are gone….one in particular finally realized two weeks before her wedding that she didnt love her Fiance she loved the idea of a wedding…..but i digress that can occur at any age, i just try and keep it nice and light, everyones situation is different….and you can not IMO judge peoples realtionships based on one post on a wedding website, where they may just come to unload stress, its like i remind my sister all the time like facebook, this is not real life and if you only get one side of the story it is hard to be fair, and to not know someone and call them immature because they were bummed out about something or maybe had a moment i think is a little harsh….course this is also why about 80% of my friends are guys….So to awnser your quesetion yes i have felt judged, and being kind of in the middle age range here it seems, i have seen a few posts and thought maybe they should give it time and get a little older and more set before trying this….(mainly when i think that it is really young girls in despair that they wont get the 1+ carat ring and the huge wedding, but have to do it right now….my dad told me one thing really important about relationships, if you feel you have to do it now because you dont think they will be here in a few years or it wont be as good in a few years then it is not right for you, and never get married because everyone else is doing it at that time, it is individualised to each couple and itll happen when its right….even though as a waitingbee im SOOOO ready….it just makes me wonder on some of the post if i judge them for that but i usually keep that to myself…because it is not my relationship nor my place to tell them about their relationship and if they should wait  or not….)

long story short, i just try and be nice…..idk about you gals but i got enoguh drama in my life as it is and sometimes i like to just come here and read all the happy positive threads….. πŸ™‚ whhhooooosssssaaaaa i try not to judge because we really dont know each other and it is so easy to be one way online and another way in real life, just like in a text with typed words and with out personal knowledge of the person i dont believe you can make an accurate judgement about someones maturity level based on a post…..

Post # 9
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

ugh sorry about the spelling and grammar errors…curse you iphone and your touch screen!!! grr….someday ill get good at this!!!

Post # 10
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Jacqui90:  Did I say women in their 20s shouldn’t get married???

 

Just understand this…you don’t have everything figured out.  You think you do, but you don’t.  Just like I’m 34 now and when I’m 50 I’m gonna be cracking up at some of the things I thought I knew at 34.  Yes you can be in your 20s and be mature but some maturity is only from getting older. 

 

And by getting that upset because people IRL and on a internet messageboard are telling you you are too young…well that right there is a sign of youth and a hint of immaturity.    At my age…I would love to be told I was too young πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@nursemel:  you are young! πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
9659 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@nursemel:  no i was saying in other posts on the board, sometimes bees get told they should rethink getting married and in the same breath are told they are too young. i know i don’t have everything figured out, i never said i did. and getting told i am too young rubs me the wrong way because for years i have been assumed to be several years younger than i am

Post # 13
Member
9659 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

i just hope when i am 35+ i don’t criticize a bride based on her age and make assumptions about her life and maturity level because she is in her late teens/early twenties πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@nursemel: When i stated that….i have yet to be treated like i am too young on the bee….i look younger than i actually am i still get carder when buying people video games for xmas and things like that, and when i get treated like im younger IRL it is because they tell me i shouldnt freak out that i am not as cclose to being done with school, i have 4-5 years to go and i thought i would be done by now, and i have alot of older women who think they know everything telling me that oh huni your still a baby dont worry about being done with school yet, you are SOOO young….uhhhmmm im 24 and my student loans are not gonna get any cheaper….so i would like to be done and pay it off because i am responsible…..and honestly it rarely if ever happens to me and when it does 99.9% of the time it is because they assume that i am younger than i am because of how young i look… and i make off hand comments that someone my age and older would normally make and they freak because they think im like 17….which will rock when im older….but like i said i try not to judge people with out personally knowing them, someone could say that an older lady on here is a mean old hag based on a post hating on younger girls….but that older woman could be the kindest sweetest woman in real life, just like someone may have a bad post and catch a TON of crap because of being young, but in real life, they may be very accomplished well read and mature….when i get treated differently because im younger it is in fact just because of my age, not how i act or behave, i think the purpose of this post may have been why is there so much judgement on young girls getting married, (which 20 isnt that redikulous if you look back in history, many societies would consider that on old maid….) and alot of times i think it is viewed as ok….but i would hate to see the reaction if a younger girl put an older lady on blast for things like getting remarried or anything like that….i joined this place because i thought it was supportive not lets bash people for things we dont agree with….all im trying to get acrossed is you do not personally know each other on here so dont assume you do based on a post….in fact if people speak to me they often think im older and look really young if they take the chance to get to know me before they see how old i look and right me off as young and immature…. but many people just see how young i look and assume….and what do assumptions do…. they make an ass out of u and me…..and everyone learns over time so why judge people and if they grow up and learn together what is the harm….i just hate seeing people assume that young marriages will fail (havent seen it on this post, but i have on others), just because you wait to get married at 50 dosent mean your marriage is any better than a couple who got married at 20….if its meant to be it was meant to be….

Post # 16
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@alyssaC:  very well put! : )

The topic ‘Just a thought…’ is closed to new replies.

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