(Closed) Just a vent.. and on why I’m an evil girlfriend ;)

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

Firstly, EXCUSES. (I hear all my long time guyfriends talk about their relationships and why they keep on pushing off marriage. The whole together but not together is great because she can’t take half your stuff and you still don’t feel so guilty when you check out other women.) Guys are gross. (why do we all put up with them? ๐Ÿ™‚ 

 

But I wish I had the balls to have a serious marriage talk with my Boyfriend or Best Friend. Then tell him no sexy time. (but my man is fantastic though, a bit slow on the whole future thing) I admire your my needs ARE your needs attitude. If he really wants to get married he better get used to it. I back you 100%. 

Post # 4
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

Denying him sexy time would NOT make you an evil girlfriend.  And even if you did make him hold off on sexy time, he’d have to wait a LONG time to feel the wait you’ve felt. . .especially since he promised you twice that he was going to propose!  

Post # 5
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ohh no, promising a proposal and backing off? he deserves no sexy time.

You go girl, thet’s the way of teaching him a lesson. Fiance says you’re mean, but I think you’re awesome.

Post # 7
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@gocubbies:  HAHA that’s hilarious!  I can’t believe he would ask for that after the type of conversation you have.  

Okay, so I don’t want to rain on the parade or anything… But I was curious as to how long you all have been together… Why is he giving you these excuses?  If you are at the point that you are leveraging sexy time (and I know you probably don’t do that often) to for him to understand what you are going through… Maybe it’s time to do some sort of timeline.  

I would assume you guys are living together?  A marriage doesn’t have to be about all of the hoopla… I mean you can go to the courthouse and get married for like $60.  I’m curious as to what his real reasoning is.  Does he come from a divorced home or anything?

Again, I’m sorry if I am being negative, I am just trying to get a better understanding of the story.  I don’t want you to wake up one day and start resenting him (which I have done in the past).  I know if someone set a wedding date with me and backed out… I don’t think I could stand it.  

Post # 8
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

TEAM GOCUBBIES!

Also, sometimes, it’s like having an unexpected baby. Finances are never really where you want them to be, so what if he thinks he needs 100K in the bank before proposing? Should you be expected to wait that long? No, of course not.

Post # 9
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I can’t believe he thought it was a good time to go for it! Ugh.

It does make me think, though. I’ve heard it said so many times that men get intimacy through sex, and I worry you might accidentally push him further away by denying. I’m not saying to do it when you don’t want to, but maybe don’t deny it just to deny? 

Post # 11
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@gocubbies: agreed! It’s amazing how far a little empathy can go, and it sounds like empathy for your feelings is what you’re saying you need.

Post # 12
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t mean to be rude or a downer, but by making those comments and backing out on timelines twice, he is basically telling you he doesn’t want to get married. Tell him point-blank that you want to be married, and ask him if he can give you that. Do not allow him to make excuses…at this point, he needs to give you a simple (and honest) yes or no. 

Instead of trying to “give him a taste of his own medicine,” you should just have a discussion with him about how you feel. If he really doesn’t get it, playing games won’t help.

Post # 13
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@gocubbies: If money is an issue for the wedding, what does he think kids cost? I know they are priceless but this is not a mastercard commercial.

Post # 14
Member
14656 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Mrs Grape: I agree.  No one wants to think about it not working, but sometimes its something to consider.  I was with my ex nearly 7 years and we’d talked about getting married for nearly 3, and I considered myself ‘waiting, for 2, but he never proposed.  And we werent young, either, we started dating around 20/21.  I finally ended it.. and when I talked to him later, and ask him why he didnt fight for it or want to marry me.. he said he was just wasnt sure yet and was waiting to ‘be sure’.  After 7 years, if he was still waiting for some sign to be sure, I dont know if and how he would have ever found it.  But on the flip, I know of some people who happily dated for 8, 9, 10+ years before getting married.  Only you would know best your situation and only time can really tell.

Post # 15
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

I feel like I’ve read a lot of posts about guys being “too comfortable”, do you think this could be part of his problem?  He might think you will never leave no matter what.  Maybe you need to get out and do some of your own things and work on yourself a bit and not worry about him as much.  Might help him realize what he has right in front of him (without being as subtle as no sexy time).  Although I think you can say no as much as you like.

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