Just a venting post….

posted 11 months ago in Emotional
Post # 4
206 posts
Helper bee

sallyloves90 :  So you wanted to be alone but went to your mom’s house where your relationship is so thin that you cant even request privacy. Perhaps stop venting and take control of the situation. You just got dumped, you’re allowed to be upset, sad, and a little “rude” by saying “look mom I love you but I need to be alone.” 

Post # 5
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Aww bee <3 your mom sounds like mine–she gets really uncomfortable with negative emotions and wants to fix everything or find a distraction. I’ve had times before where I just have to say to her “I need to wallow!” She means well, but you do need space and time to just feel and let it all out. It sounds like your sister gets it!

Post # 6
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

sallyloves90 :  Understandable. My mother would take it the same way. It’s nice that family is there for you but if at all possible I would stay with your sister who seems to be more understanding or spend one night away in a hotel with just yourself and your thoughts. Unless you can find an isolated place there where your mother wont bother you. Because the way things are going now you’ll end up feeling worse. Whether its unintentional or not your mother is adding to a stressful situation. Now of course in a perfect world you should be able to have a rational discussion about your feelings with her but if it were me that wouldn’t work. No matter how respectful my approach my mother would immediately go on the defensive and rant about how ungrateful I am. 🤦‍♀️ Good luck

Post # 7
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

Is there anyone else you can stay with? A friend who respects boundaries? Even a really cheap AirBnB for a few days? Because it sounds like your mom is prioritizing HER emotional needs in a time when you really need to be focused on yours.

Post # 8
12214 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Your mother is very wrong to be putting pressure on you in any way and wrong in general, IMO. It sounds as if all she cares about is the money she spent which is unfortunate.

If you see yourself as a guest in your mother’s house maybe it’s not the best place to be right now. I would tell her that cheating is a dealbreaker for you and you won’t risk marriage to someone capable of such dishonesty and behavior. Under the circumstances I think you are also entitled to ask for some time to yourself. 

Post # 9
330 posts
Helper bee

I have read your other posts too. I am so sorry that you are going through a lot with your ex-fiance, ex-mother-in-law and your mother. From what I have read all the bad things are flooding at the same time. You have been though a lot. You need to breathe and tell your mother that you have a lot to think about, and you need to be on your own. Tell her exactly what you have told us- that you are grateful to her but you need your space to deal with your trauma. 

Things will slowly get better for you. In the mean time, I am sending you some light, support and encouragement. 

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