Post # 1
I wasn’t sure if I should comment on my other post or start a new one. So, for those who have been following my situation, as you know I am staying with my Mother for now. I took off of work today because everything has just been too much and my Mom decided to do the same and spend the day with me. I am grateful, but wish she would have let me have the day to myself so I can process my emotions alone. She has been kind and loving, as she always is, but she has said things throughout the morning that have really annoyed/upset me. I don’t want her to think I am being ungracious and I do not have the emotional energy for some kind of argument with her, so I will vent here. My mom is insisting that Mandy and I should go to counseling, that our relationship can be “salvaged” and is bringing up again and again and again how happy we seemed and how she can’t believe this happened. She is passive-agressively expressing her annoyance at the situation, talking about all the time she invested into the wedding-planning and if she “knew it would end up this way,she wouldn’t have bothered”. She says it jokingly, trying to make me laugh, but this is all way fresh and I am in no mood for laughter. She keeps trying to get me to get up, go for a walk, go Christmas shopping etc but I just keep telling her I want to relax. My sister dropped by this morning to check on me and she is way more abrasive than I and also very protective of me and she said to my Mom: “Jesus Christ, Mom she just got dumped by the love of her life let her cry and watch Lifetime movies like a normal human being”. That one made me laugh and it felt good. My Mom also wants to call Mandy to “give her a piece of my mind” which I have begged her NOT to do and she says she won’t but I am afraid she will. I am so appreciative of my family rallying around me. Just needed to vent!
Post # 2
sallyloves90 : Tell her you want to be alone and then go be alone.
Post # 3
honeybunbee : I am a guest in her home. I do not want to be disrespectful and she would take that as disrespect. But I get it.
Post # 4
sallyloves90 : So you wanted to be alone but went to your mom’s house where your relationship is so thin that you cant even request privacy. Perhaps stop venting and take control of the situation. You just got dumped, you’re allowed to be upset, sad, and a little “rude” by saying “look mom I love you but I need to be alone.”
Post # 5
Aww bee <3 your mom sounds like mine–she gets really uncomfortable with negative emotions and wants to fix everything or find a distraction. I’ve had times before where I just have to say to her “I need to wallow!” She means well, but you do need space and time to just feel and let it all out. It sounds like your sister gets it!
Post # 6
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
sallyloves90 : Understandable. My mother would take it the same way. It’s nice that family is there for you but if at all possible I would stay with your sister who seems to be more understanding or spend one night away in a hotel with just yourself and your thoughts. Unless you can find an isolated place there where your mother wont bother you. Because the way things are going now you’ll end up feeling worse. Whether its unintentional or not your mother is adding to a stressful situation. Now of course in a perfect world you should be able to have a rational discussion about your feelings with her but if it were me that wouldn’t work. No matter how respectful my approach my mother would immediately go on the defensive and rant about how ungrateful I am. 🤦♀️ Good luck
Post # 7
Is there anyone else you can stay with? A friend who respects boundaries? Even a really cheap AirBnB for a few days? Because it sounds like your mom is prioritizing HER emotional needs in a time when you really need to be focused on yours.
Post # 8
Your mother is very wrong to be putting pressure on you in any way and wrong in general, IMO. It sounds as if all she cares about is the money she spent which is unfortunate.
If you see yourself as a guest in your mother’s house maybe it’s not the best place to be right now. I would tell her that cheating is a dealbreaker for you and you won’t risk marriage to someone capable of such dishonesty and behavior. Under the circumstances I think you are also entitled to ask for some time to yourself.
Post # 9
I have read your other posts too. I am so sorry that you are going through a lot with your ex-fiance, ex-mother-in-law and your mother. From what I have read all the bad things are flooding at the same time. You have been though a lot. You need to breathe and tell your mother that you have a lot to think about, and you need to be on your own. Tell her exactly what you have told us- that you are grateful to her but you need your space to deal with your trauma.
Things will slowly get better for you. In the mean time, I am sending you some light, support and encouragement.