Post # 1
Yes,it’s true….it’s been 2.5yrs. and I’mma still waitin,and waiting and waiting. Everytime a holiday or special day comes I think this HAS to be it and it comes and it goes……sigh….. Here’s the story: We met,he swept me off my feet. I had a cute,cozy apartment for my 12yr. daughter and myself. I was going through a very nasty divorce,not looking(last thing on my mind was meeting someone!)and along he came, Mr. Prince Charming. 3mths. into our relationship we picked out rings together. 6mths. later I gave up that cute,cozy apartment to move in with him. Now…..here we are……2.5yrs. later and NO $%#@#!!!! RING! The ring remains in a safe in our bedroom(only he has the combination-he’s a cop and also keeps his work gun in there)and he STILL has not asked. WEIRD RIGHT??I’ve had conversations with him regarding our future. His timeline was more like 5yrs. and mine was more like a year ago! I just don’t get how he was sooo gung ho in the beginning and then put the brakes on when I moved in. I’ve asked him why and I got lame excuses. First it was he felt I didn’t act as an equal partner,then it was he felt my daughter wasn’t ready and wanted to wait til she’s 18 so he’s not legally responsible for her (pretty crappy),then it was financial. It would appear that he “got what he wanted” but he REALLY doesn’t strike me that way at all. He’s a wonderful guy and I know he’s crazy about me. Maybe he’s just not sure I’m “the one” yet and obviously can’t say that without huring my feelings.I don’t get it and neither does my Mom and best friend. I feel I can’t talk anymore about it to him,it’s kinda a “sore subject” now. I’m giving in til bout June/July and then it’s plan B in MY own mind. I’m just really hurt and resentful that it’s dangling like candy in front of me. Any suggestions?
Post # 3
I don’t know what is going on with him but I think you’re doing the right thing with having an internal timeline for plan B.
It’s possible he’s succumbed to societal pressure that he isn’t supposed to want marriage (ridiculous since most men absolutely do want to get married but the societal narrative is different) and now that he knows you want to he feels resistance. It’s very possible that once he realizes he could lose you and you’ll be just fine without him…
Post # 4
I don’t want to sound harsh, but 2.5 years – not really THAT long In My Humble Opinion.
When Mr.K and I first dated, he swept me off my feet too. It was pure bliss and nothing else for a solid year. We talked about marriage and family and all the things we wanted for our future together. But we spent the next 4 years together growing and changing and facing life challenges together. Mr. K proposed after being together for 5.5 years together. 2 years later we were married. I’m not saying anyone else should wait that long, but it’s my experience as I look back on our relationship that Mr.K needs a little more time to prepare himself for major life decisions. I gave him the time, he gave me his totally-committed-with-no-reservations heart.
I can understand that you were excited about looking at rings together at 3 months, but I think it’s wise to wait. Especially since you had just gone through such a nasy divorce. Give yourself some time together. Give him some time to make a life commitment.
Post # 5
In My Humble Opinion 2 1/2 years is plenty of time. My parents married after 6 months and are still together after 33 years. That is pretty crappy about your daughter, if he had one wouldn’t you do everything for her? Wouldn’t you welcome her into your home and such? I think you would. If he is being weird about it don’t let him WASTE any more of your time and move out and on. You need to seriously stick up for yourself here. No one else will. I doubt you want to keep feeling the way you do.
Post # 6
I think its great that you have your own timeline in your head! Some men just dont want to be pressured even if you arent they seem to think just us mentioning it is rushing them. I say start Mr Bee plan mentioned if you havent already read it and decide what you will do if your timeframe arrives and still no proposal. GOOD LUCK!
Post # 7
I know this is often very taboo…but have YOU ever thought about proposing? He’s got the ring, you’ve moved in, so what would change if he were to propose? You’d get to wear the ring, right? Nothing else really changes. If you’re that serious about it, propose to him!
Post # 8
I second what MightySapphire said! I proposed to my Fiance however he is more traditional and still wants to propose to me. 🙁 However if you think your Boyfriend or Best Friend would be fine with it I say go for it and take the leap and see what he says.
Post # 9
My guess would be maybe that he isn’t unsure about you, but that he isn’t in the place in his life he feels he needs to be before he gets engaged. Men are ALL about this “time in their lives” thing. It’s very frustrating to me.
Post # 10
I’m seeing signs of this not being a good commitment. I prefer being optimistic, but sitting on a ring for 2.5 years?! Thats insane. My guess is that he might be wondering if he wants to commit to you. If he is shut up and not talking about it, then thats definately not a good sign.
This is the reason it is good to have a timeline!
Post # 11
While some women may think it’s okay please don’t propose to him. This is still a traditional male role and to take it away robs them of the privledge. If he was gung-ho in the beginning something changed his mind. You’ve made it too easy somehow. Also moving in was a mistake. Can say this from personal experience and just about every dating book out there. Don’t do it ladies if you want a ring! Find out what you can and then if he is unwilling to budge show him you mean business and move on. Also read Mr. Bees plan! Have some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for yourself!
Post # 12
Maybe he felt really strongly at first and wanted to show you that he could be serious. Once you actually became more serious maybe he didnt see a need to propose because he felt like you were solid in your relationship. 2.5 years really isnt that long. Ive been with my Fiance over 4 years and I had always thought in my mind that I would be with the person I get enaged to 5 years beforehand. Ive had other relationships that have lasted 2.5 years so I dont think its that long.
Post # 13
I think he was smart to wait. Especially since your situation is different since you have a daughter. He probably was caught up at first and he bought the rings. My husband and I were together 2 years before getting engaged and were engaged for 3 years. I think it’s especially necessary since the two of you have another person to think about in the relationship. If it is starting to bother you, maybe you should have a discussion with him about how the relationship is going. If you are talking to him about getting married all the time, you might want to lay off that because it makes him think that it isn’t his idea anymore to get engaged which is really big for guys.
You should read Mr. Bee’s 3 step plan here. It really is true.
Post # 14
Ah Mr.Bee…your three step plan pops up again! Yes, that little doozy is a good set of guidelines! I don’t think your Boyfriend or Best Friend sounds like he doesn’t love you or that he doesn’t want to continue in the relationship. It sounds like he has some milestones in his life that he wants to achieve before proposing. I would follow Mr.Bee’s advice on this.
Post # 15
well about the ring situation i can understnd.my SO has had the ring for what i think is almost 2 yrs if not 2 deffinately over 1yr(he sayes its a lil over a year but whatever).after many soon ,soon and thinking it would happen on birthdays or xmases or new years am tired.but sill very much in love.we have just started our forth year togther december will be 4 yrs.the ring is in a safety box but in the bank!!!!.he is the best man i have ever had by leap and bounds but he just keep dragging his feet.there is no doubt in my mind he love me and my son who doesnt live with me.he acts like a dad and is very caring.honestly my only real grivience is this damn ring that is dangling like a apple on a tree hoping it will fall but never does.i do believe it will happen but as to when i just dont kn!!!! and i do get mopey and angry.for the pst couple days i have been in this mood.i hav been away since monday and ive just been upset especially whn we speak and i hear his friends in the back ground well one friend in particular ,but thats a whole other story.i dont kn what ur SO deal is .maybe the nastalgia has worn off and realizing that he isnt fully ready.it kinda sucks that he wouldnt want to be responsible for ur daughter.if anything, u shoud be worried bout that and not that ring.i kn she has a dad (dont kn the relationhip between them) but he should want to step in in some way if u werent around.i wish u al lthe best and just kn that you aren’ t alone in this waiting game.there are good days and bad days and days when u just want to punch them.
ps i coudnt live theses boards it actually makes me feel better when i see other women are going through the samething and how thing came out.hang in there.
Post # 16
This is why I love this website bees!! It makes me so happy to hear other bees stories that are so similar to mine. I find it refreshing and nice to vent. Can you imagine if the men found us on here! OMG talk about funny. Has this happened to any of you? I guess the prolonged conversation of why aren’t we engaged would surely come out right?