(Closed) Just another pathetic,waiting bee :( SIGH………

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: He has had the ring for 2yrs in our bedroom safe but hasn't proposed,why?
    He's still not sure I'm the one : (20 votes)
    38 %
    His own insecurity issues : (17 votes)
    32 %
    He has no intention of proposing and is stringing me along : (10 votes)
    19 %
    He's digging his heels in and doing the opposite of what I want just because : (6 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee

    *hugs*

    I don’t know what is going on with him but I think you’re doing the right thing with having an internal timeline for plan B.

    It’s possible he’s succumbed to societal pressure that he isn’t supposed to want marriage (ridiculous since most men absolutely do want to get married but the societal narrative is different) and now that he knows you want to he feels resistance.  It’s very possible that once he realizes he could lose you and you’ll be just fine without him…

    Post # 4
    Member
    1230 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2008

    I don’t want to sound harsh, but 2.5 years – not really THAT long In My Humble Opinion. 

    When Mr.K and I first dated, he swept me off my feet too.  It was pure bliss and nothing else for a solid year.  We talked about marriage and family and all the things we wanted for our future together.  But we spent the next 4 years together growing and changing and facing life challenges together.  Mr. K proposed after being together for 5.5 years together.  2 years later we were married.  I’m not saying anyone else should wait that long, but it’s my experience as I look back on our relationship that Mr.K needs a little more time to prepare himself for major life decisions. I gave him the time, he gave me his totally-committed-with-no-reservations heart.

    I can understand that you were excited about looking at rings together at 3 months, but I think it’s wise to wait.  Especially since you had just gone through such a nasy divorce.  Give yourself some time together.  Give him some time to make a life commitment.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1339 posts
    Bumble bee

    In My Humble Opinion 2 1/2 years is plenty of time.  My parents married after 6 months and are still together after 33 years.  That is pretty crappy about your daughter, if he had one wouldn’t you do everything for her?  Wouldn’t you welcome her into your home and such?  I think you would.  If he is being weird about it don’t let him WASTE any more of your time and move out and on.  You need to seriously stick up for yourself here.  No one else will.  I doubt you want to keep feeling the way you do.

    Good luck!

    Post # 6
    Member
    413 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think its great that you have your own timeline in your head! Some men just dont want to be pressured even if you arent they seem to think just us mentioning it is rushing them. I say start Mr Bee plan mentioned if you havent already read it and decide what you will do if your timeframe arrives and still no proposal. GOOD LUCK!

    Post # 7
    Member
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I know this is often very taboo…but have YOU ever thought about proposing?  He’s got the ring, you’ve moved in, so what would change if he were to propose?  You’d get to wear the ring, right?  Nothing else really changes.  If you’re that serious about it, propose to him!

    Post # 8
    Member
    413 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I second what MightySapphire said! I proposed to my Fiance however he is more traditional and still wants to propose to me. 🙁 However if you think your Boyfriend or Best Friend would be fine with it I say go for it and take the leap and see what he says.

    Post # 9
    Member
    125 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My guess would be maybe that he isn’t unsure about you, but that he isn’t in the place in his life he feels he needs to be before he gets engaged.  Men are ALL about this “time in their lives” thing.  It’s very frustrating to me. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    665 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I’m seeing signs of this not being a good commitment. I prefer being optimistic, but sitting on a ring for 2.5 years?! Thats insane. My guess is that he might be wondering if he wants to commit to you. If he is shut up and not talking about it, then thats definately not a good sign.

    This is the reason it is good to have a timeline!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1339 posts
    Bumble bee

    While some women may think it’s okay please don’t propose to him.  This is still a traditional male role and to take it away robs them of the privledge.  If he was gung-ho in the beginning something changed his mind.  You’ve made it too easy somehow.  Also moving in was a mistake.  Can say this from personal experience and just about every dating book out there.  Don’t do it ladies if you want a ring!  Find out what you can and then if he is unwilling to budge show him you mean business and move on.  Also read Mr. Bees plan!  Have some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for yourself!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2532 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Maybe he felt really strongly at first and wanted to show you that he could be serious. Once you actually became more serious maybe he didnt see a need to propose because he felt like you were solid in your relationship. 2.5 years really isnt that long. Ive been with my Fiance over 4 years and I had always thought in my mind that I would be with the person I get enaged to 5 years beforehand. Ive had other relationships that have lasted 2.5 years so I dont think its that long.

    Post # 13
    Hostess
    18643 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I think he was smart to wait.  Especially since your situation is different since you have a daughter.  He probably was caught up at first and he bought the rings.  My husband and I were together 2 years before getting engaged and were engaged for 3 years.  I think it’s especially necessary since the two of you have another person to think about in the relationship.  If it is starting to bother you, maybe you should have a discussion with him about how the relationship is going.  If you are talking to him about getting married all the time, you might want to lay off that because it makes him think that it isn’t his idea anymore to get engaged which is really big for guys.

    You should read Mr. Bee’s 3 step plan here.  It really is true.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Ah Mr.Bee…your three step plan pops up again!  Yes, that little doozy is a good set of guidelines!  I don’t think your Boyfriend or Best Friend sounds like he doesn’t love you or that he doesn’t want to continue in the relationship.  It sounds like he has some milestones in his life that he wants to achieve before proposing.  I would follow Mr.Bee’s advice on this.

    Post # 15
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    well about the ring situation i can understnd.my SO has had the ring for what i think is almost 2 yrs if not 2 deffinately over  1yr(he sayes its a lil over a year but whatever).after many soon ,soon and thinking it would happen on birthdays or xmases or new years am tired.but sill very much in love.we have just started our forth year togther december will be 4 yrs.the ring is in a safety box but in the bank!!!!.he is the best man i have ever had by leap and bounds but he just keep dragging his feet.there is no doubt in my mind he love me and my son who doesnt live with me.he acts like a dad and is very caring.honestly my only real grivience is this damn ring that is dangling like a apple on a tree hoping it will fall but never does.i do believe it will happen but as to when i just dont kn!!!! and i do get mopey and angry.for the pst couple days i have been in this mood.i hav been away since monday and ive just been upset especially whn we speak and i hear his friends in the back ground  well one friend in particular ,but thats a whole other story.i dont kn what ur SO deal is .maybe the nastalgia has worn off and realizing that he isnt fully ready.it kinda sucks that he wouldnt want to be responsible for ur daughter.if anything, u shoud be worried bout that and not that ring.i kn she has a dad (dont kn the relationhip between them) but he should want to step in in some way if u werent around.i wish u al lthe best and just kn that you aren’ t alone in this waiting game.there are good days and bad days and days when u just want to punch them.

    ps i coudnt live theses boards it actually makes me feel better when i see other women are going through the samething and how thing came out.hang in there.

    The topic ‘Just another pathetic,waiting bee :( SIGH………’ is closed to new replies.

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