(Closed) Just because you work with someone do you expect to be invited to their wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We’re having a family only wedding, but most of my co-workers assume they are coming. I don’t know where it comes from. 

Post # 4
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I work on a team of about 30 people and I’m only inviting 7. Not to mention my building has around 250 people in it and I know a lot of them – we have events, parties, etc that everyone attends and our departments mingle a lot. Typically we throw big wedding and baby showers in the office – to the point that you might have 200 people attend and your registry gets completely taken care of just by your coworkers!! I feel extremely guilty for not inviting more people, but we are having a small wedding with only 50 guests, so it just wasn’t possible. Seven people with their spouses already takes up 14 spots on our list.

Whenever I talk to someone about the wedding I make sure to mention that its really small, so hopefully they won’t be insulted by not being invited. I just feel badly that they are going to throw me a huge shower and people will be giving me gifts who aren’t even invited. I certainly dont think that all 250 expect an invite, but I do think that there are people on my immediate team that are expecting one 🙁

Post # 5
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My friend had to deal with something similar. The problem is, if you want to bend for one person…you will have to bend for all your co-workers. It is up to you-but I wouldn’t invite him especially after what he did with his wedding. If someone asks, just say that it is a small wedding…and blame it on your parents with the guest list, or say you are on a tight budget, or don’t say anything at all. It is your wedding. Have it the way you want it to be!

 

Post # 6
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

People can get really weird about wedding invitations.  Myself, I don’t expect an automatic invite to a co-worker’s wedding.   I don’t enjoy being stuck for a social evening that consists of sitting with co-workers and griping about work.  Outside of work, I want to think about other things.  And I beyond HATE getting an invite to a co-worker’s kid’s wedding.  I get that they’re proud, but I don’t know their kids and think it’s weird to be invited when I don’t know the bride and groom.

Post # 7
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Absolutely not. Several of my and FI’s coworkers have gotten married in the past year, and we were only invited to one. We also worked at the same place for a while, and our rule is that if we don’t like you enough to hang out with regularly, why the f would we want you at our wedding?

Post # 8
Member
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

To answer your question- No! Nor would I want to.

Post # 9
Hostess
12003 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

nope, wouldn’t expect it at all.  I’m hoping none of my co-workers here expect to be invited.  I am, however, finding that some of my classmates who i graduated with a year ago seem to be expecting invitations, if I invited all of them and their +1’s I’d been looking at 100 people right there!  That’s my entire list.  I’m inviting 4 of them and their +1’s (a few are on the maybe list if we find out early from people away that they won’t be coming…I know it’s a little tacky but if it means a few more people can celebrate with us I’m okay with it)

Post # 11
Member
3567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

A lot of my co-workers seem to be expecting an invite.  One even invited himself by asking me what the date was because he was planning a trip and didn’t want to miss my wedding.  I tried to get out of that awkward situation by telling him that we only had a certain number of chairs (which we do) and that our guest list had to be cut to accomodate that.  His reply was “well, people can just stand up, they don’t have to sit down.”  Good grief!!

Out of the 30 employees we have, I’ve only given 8 of them a Save the Date.  These are people that I either hang out with outside of work, or am pretty close to at work.  I told them to keep it on the DL.  

Post # 12
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am only inviting two of my co-workers because I am friends with them outside of the office. My other co-workers always ask about my wedding plans etc. which is sweet, but if I had to choose between inviting my 2nd cousin that I’m close with vs. a co-worker that I barely know I pick the cousin any day. Unfortunately, no matter what you do someone’s feelings are probably going to get hurt. I would just invite the people you are close with at work. Don’t let them make you feel bad about not inviting them…that is their problem!

Post # 13
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I work for a law firm and invited the members of my team, and some others who I actually talk to.  And even then, I left some team members off because I either, 1. don’t like them, or 2. don’t talk to them.

🙂

Post # 15
Member
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@conkin420:  Nope. I don’t know why coworkers would automatically expect to be invited! I certainly wasn’t invited to all of my former coworkers’ weddings when I used to work in a more traditional company. 

 

I guess we are lucky to be avoiding this one since Fiance works with a bunch of dudes in a trading firm (honey badgers don’t care) & I’m a tech entrepreneur who works on a startup with one other person (she’s invited LOL) and picks up freelance work otherwise so we don’t have the “12 people in a dept issue” to contend with.

Post # 16
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t expect it, but not everyone operates the same way I do.  I think it depends on size of office/department.  I have an office of 5 others, so obviously if I was going to invite people it would have been all or nothing.  It doesn’t seem like there’s anything wrong with what you did (you really should only invite those closest to you whether you work together or not) but people’s feelings get hurt when they feel left out.  When you invite some members of a defined social group and not others, people are bound to feel left out. I wouldn’t have wanted to risk that in my work environment, so we invited no one (though I did consider invited 1 person who is now an ex co-worker). If our wedding was in town I would have likely invited everyone. It’s usually my preference though to keep my work and personal life seperate to maintain professionalism.

No one should ever expect to be invited though.  It’s frustrating when they are. A girl who was in my circle of friends in high school expected to be invited and was all upset my wedding was on her birthday.  We haven’t talked in years (like most of the people in the circle) and she defriended me on facebook when a mutual friend broke the news that she wasn’t invited. 

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