(Closed) Just been diagnosed with depression, how do I tell SO?

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just tell him. He will understand your feelings (and your family’s) and you need support. Don’t quite understand why your family thinks he might descriminate you, thouigh. Unfortunatelly depression hits a million people everywhere so it’s not exactly “rare and unheard of”, right?

As for any good tips, well, i hope yje other bees can help you with good and sound information. I have had depression here and there throughout the years (i am 40) and i managed to survive..which is not the same thing as getting better! I wish i had help..i wish i had looked for help.

You are so young and i wish you go through this in the most positive way, with love all around you

Post # 4
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Unfortunately, I don’t really have any advice for how you should tell your fiancee, but I do think you should tell him.  I don’t think you need to worry about him looking at you differently.  He’s been with you 4 years, his feelings for you aren’t likely to change.  My bet is that he’ll be relieved, you said you’ve been unwell for a long time so he’ll probably be happy that now you guys know what the issue is and can go from there.  Not that he’ll be happy you are depressed, but happy to know what’s going on.  He can help you watch for potential side effects from medication too, which can be a very good thing.  Not to mention the moral support he’ll be able to offer you.  I honestly don’t think he’ll treat you any differently.

Sorry I don’t have more advice.  I wanted to make sure you know that depression is a perfectly normal and acceptable condition though.  As Rivendeler pointed out, tons of people suffer from depression all over the world.  It’s nothing to be ashamed of or embarassed about.  The bee is wonderful for support for many girls too, so if you ever feel like you need a place to come to for comfort, feel free to post here! 🙂

Oh, and welcome to the bee! 🙂

Post # 5
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@AwkwardQuestions:  its nothing to be ashamed of, a lot of people have it.  I have had bouts before, as has my Dad.  I’m sure your Fiance will just want to help you get through it.  Take care of yourself.

Post # 6
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Tell him to his face.


I am sure he would not be surprised at the diagnosis.


I have found exercise and eating well help a lot. 


Post # 7
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

You are an adult, and as an adult, your parents don’t get a say in who you tell, or don’t tell. 

If you intend to marry this person, it’s in your best interest to keep communication with him open, however if you’ve been battling depression for some time, quite frankly I bet he already knows, and your diagnosis is only a formality. Just let him know that you are self aware enough to get to the root of the problem, and taking the steps necessary to treat yourself. I don’t think he will “discriminate” against you; quite the opposite. There is nothing worse than watching a person spiral out of control and do nothing to help themselves. You telling him you get it and have the motivation to help yourself out of the hole is wonderful news, and he can only help you from there.

I’ve been in your shoes, and have battled depression myself (it’s an ongoing fight) but life does get better, and surrounding yourself with supportive people willing to be around for all of it makes it a little easier to deal with. 

Post # 8
3241 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Just tell him straight out.

Start exercising and consider an emotional support animal.

Post # 9
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Just tell him. Living with someone with depression is very stressful and he needs to know the facts so that he can not only help you, but help himself as well.


Post # 10
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Sweetie I’m sure he already has his suspicions and will be relieved that you sought help.

When I told my SO that I am in counseling (I do not like the term ‘therapy’ unless I’m in the company of other patients), it was hard. He actually didn’t have a clue I was struggling. But he told me that he loved me and didn’t care.

I was very nervous telling him, but you just have to take advantage of some quiet time, take a deep breath, and talk. I asked him, “You know ( insert life tragedy )? Well… I can’t handle it by myself anymore. I’m in counseling now.”

You have to tell him. I’m willing to bet he’d be more upset if you didn’t trust him enough to tell him rather than the fact that you have depression. You may wanna leave out what your family said though.

Post # 11
1404 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t you think he already knows?  When someone has depression, it affects everyone around them too.

Post # 12
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

He probably already has an idea.  I’d just tell him and also tell him what you’re doing to battle it (eg. your new medication).  Good luck!

Post # 13
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Im sure he already knows. My mom has been battling with depression since I was about 5 and has been in and out of the hospital for it because she was suicidal. I could just tell when she’s suffering from it. The best thing to do is start speaking to a psycologist. Thats what helped her the most, to just open up about whats bothering her to someone that wont judge her. It WILL get better and you WILL be happy again, just give it time. And I think you should tell your SO because Im sure he will be supportive and help you get through it

Post # 14
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would just tell him.  It’s nothing to be ashamed of at all.  FI has been great through my depression episodes.  It’s tough going through it on your own.

Post # 16
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

my best advice would be to get a support circle. Get three or four people you know well that can be there when you need a shoulder to lean on. I battled depression about three years ago, and i had nobody because my family thought i was just acting out for attention. It took me a year, with medication, to pull myself out of the depression. Get yourself a network of support, its the best and fastest way to pull yourself out of this. Talk to someone, a shrink or family member, your SO should be your best ally at this point.

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