(Closed) Just called off my wedding and am dying inside

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oh sweetie. What you did was so brave and so hard, but I think you did the absolute right thing based on what you wrote about him. You ex-FI sounds like a controlling, wicked monster, and no woman deserves to be manipulated as much as it sounds like he did to you. And to rub your e-ring in your face was just mean. Good for you for dodging a huge bullet and having the courage to say once and for all “no thank you” to that relationship. *hug* 

Post # 48
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am so sorry youre going through this! I think that although you may feel horrible at the moment, it was the right thing to do because it is not ok to go into a marriage with someone who does not trust you and something who is that controlling! It will only get worse, and I’m sure you wouldnt want to see how far he could go. Just keep your chin up and know that you did the right thing for you. *Hugs*

Post # 50
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@kindercare:  You just need time love. I went through a bad breakup and it took 3 years to heal. But after I did and started doing things to improve my life like volunteer work and reading new books I met my DH. Your exFI sounded borderline abusive. Physical abuse isn’t the only type of abuse. There is emotional, financial, and mental.

You broke free. Enjoy your life and pray for the woman who does indeed fall for him and marry him!!!!!

Post # 51
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@kindercare:  ” Is this what marriage has come to.”

NO.  I’ve never seen a prenup so nasty and malicious.  This is not how an upstanding man treats the woman he supposedly loves.  This is like a child losing his temper and breaking all his toys because he can’t accept the concept of sharing with others.

I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you are SO better off without this garbage.  You deserve to pat yourself on the back for being too smart to fall for it!

Post # 52
Member
13888 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So sorry to hear this, but it sounds like your cold feet were warranted!  Hugs, and happy thoughts to you.

Post # 53
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m sorry you had to go through that, but im glad you stood up for yourself!  I wish you the best!

Post # 54
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@kindercare:  I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Prenups are not all bad, and more often than not they have a stipulation worked in that the longer a couple is together the larger percent of the breadwinner’s property becomes split. My Dad and stepmother have that type of prenup, and I’m sure your ex was aware that such an arrangement was possible but he didn’t want it. Honestly he sounds like he’s either completely out of touch or extremely selfish. I’m happy you’re walking away and it will totally be worth it to find someone who actually cares more about you being their wife then a fear of you trying to keep all of his money. 

Post # 55
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

wow, I am so sorry for your pain, but any pre-nup, especially the idea of a pre-nup for a first wedding (when no children, and as you say, no inheritance is involved) makes me SO, SO MAD!

For you: The most comforting advice someone gave me after I cancelled my own wedding was: “It only means something better is on the way.” Take special care of yourself.

Post # 56
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@kindercare:  iam so sorry your going thru this but from the way you tell it you made the right choice. i would not take being controlled

Post # 57
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think what you did was very brave and mature.  Keep your head held high.  There is someone out there who will treat you with respect. 

Post # 58
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

Good for you for having the strength to make a very hard decision that you know is ultimately right for you. You’re a strong woman.

Post # 59
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I echo everyone else that says you have done the right thing. You will be grieving for a little while as it will be an adjustment to both your immediate living and social situation and your ideas about the future, but you will be happier off in the long run as a result. 

About how to start to untangle your lives, especially digitally–My advice is to de-activate your Facebook account for a little while, so you can figure out if you want to remove photos/de-tag some,  unfriend his friends, etc.  You will also be able to avoid the messages on your wall when the news gets out, as I am sure there will be some people posting in that type of public forum that you can’t control. 

Post # 60
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

wow, I can’t believe he thinks that trusts comes after marriage, what a load of crap… why marry someone that cannot trust you and wants to leave you with nothing if you divorce. You are so strong, yes  some days will be very hard and you will want to get back with him, but I think you did the best decision and hardest decision of course. Calling off the wedding is so much better than getting a divorce, yet i think society sees it as a more shocking thing for some reason. He does sound very controlling and if you can’t even have a voice in an argument, then he is not listening to you or taking your thoughts and feelings into consideration. Be strong!!

Post # 61
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

Being a bankruptcy lawyer he is probably in constant contact with people filing bankruptcy after a divorce, bitter divorced men facing financial ruin, people whose lives and marriages are falling apart. If that’s what he’s seeing every day, it’s no wonder he’s paranoid. I understand wanting to “protect” family assets if we’re talking about millions or a big family business, but not to the extent of leaving a spouse with NOTHING.

From his comments, it sounds like he doesn’t have much faith in marriage in general. I feel sorry for him because he might never have a happy one.

 

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