(Closed) Just Can't Believe It – What would you do?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

He probably thought you’d be OK with it because, when his friend asked, you said you’d be OK with it.

You’re not over-reacting, but your story is a warning for any woman tempted to pretend to be all cool about this stuff.

Post # 4
Member
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

And this is why we need to communicate our boundaries before we get too far along in a relationship.  If you think he is genuinely sorry and really didn’t think you’d be upset- then forgive him and move on.  But not before you two come to terms with what is “ok” in your relationship.

Post # 6
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

He sounds like he is genuinely sorry for upsetting you.

He probably thought you were okay with it because you told his best man you were okay with it. You probably see a difference (as do I) with hiring strippers for a bachelor party versus getting a ap dance in a strip club. I wouldn’t like it either. But I bet to him, its the same thing?

I would forgive him and not be too hard on him if he is sincere about his apology.

Post # 8
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@subola:  Well I think you’ve got to do whatever you feel and nobody can tell you how to feel.

I know what you’re saying about how you thought you were saying it was OK in a very limited circumstance, but it clearly didn’t come across that way. He obviously got the message that you were OK with it and wasted little opportunity to take advantage of that.

What is bothering you most about it?

Post # 11
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@subola:  I think given the fact at you told his Bridesmaid or Best Man that strippers for the bachelor party were no big deal, you should probably let this go. The Bridesmaid or Best Man probably told your fiancé that he talked to you and you had no problem with him and strippers in an attempt to convince your fiancé to go with it for the bachelor party. Your fiancé probably honestly thought it wasn’t a big deal to you, since you specifically said it wasnt. I understand being upset, but I think given the circumstances, you need to let this one go. just tell your fiancé that you thought it wouldn’t be a big deal, but you were more upset  about it than you thought you would be, so the two of you should reevaluate boundaries, and figure heats hat you’re both comfortable with going forward (i.e. no strippers). The good news is, it sounds like you have a genuinely good guy, so cut him some slack, hug it out, and just move on together!

Post # 12
Member
1182 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well if he had gotten a lap dance at the bachelor party would you have been upset? Is it the lap dance itself that upset you (ie, it’s okay if he looks at strippers but lap dances are out), or is it the fact that he didnt clear it with you first?

Either way, I agree communication is the key. I’m sure he thought you’d be okay with it, he told you about it right away, and he feels bad that you’re upset now. I don’t think much else can be done and I hope that it all works out. 

Post # 14
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t know why he wouldn’t think you would be okay with it.  And he told you right away — not like he tried to hide it.  I mean now he knows it bothers you, so I would chalk it up to a one time incident & let it go.

Post # 16
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

i don’t think you are over reacting at all, and i would be really hurt also! my Fiance is like yours, and says that he thinks they are pointless etc, so i say i don’t mind if it happens at the bachelor party knowing in my head it won’t happen. Maybe deep down this is why u wer ok with the thought of it happening then (cos it wasnt going to happen)then when it did happen, u felt betrayed after all his protesting and if it didnt happen the night of his bachelor party it wouldnt happen ever!  I think this has made me think and I’m going to be straight up and say i wouldnt be happy. All you can do is forgive, think how happy you are together!!Smile just in future set clear boundaries. x

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