Post # 1
This is a worst case scenario and I could be way wrong but I just wanna be prepared and hear some opinions 🙂
We’re having a small wedding and *we* have decided not to invite fiances 23 cousins. His family wants to have dinner with us next weekend to “talk about the wedding” and he said something about them wanting to give us money?
I know his step-mom was not happy when we mentioned not inviting cousins but we’ve emailed here and there and it hasn’t come up again so maybe they just wanna pay for photography or host a rehearsal or something…but…if they offer to pay for the cousins that fiance and I don’t want should we give in since they’re paying? Should we hold our ground?
Even if they don’t ask, now I’m just curious what is the rule for something like that?
Post # 3
I would just explain that it is not just about money, but about your vision for the event, venue capacity, and whatever other reasons you have for not inviting the cousins. Stand your ground, or else then they know they can buy you out whenever they aren’t happy with your decisions.
Post # 4
You can always gracefully decline the offer of money. Especially if you think it comes with 23 strings attached that you don’t want. #1 rule is that it is your wedding and your day.
If you decide against it, you can always suggest celebrating another time with the big group.
Post # 5
I agree with Mini. This is your wedding and you should have who you want there. Thank them for the offer (if that’s what the offer is) but tell them this is the wedding you want and plan to keep it that way.
Post # 6
I just went through a similar situation with relatives offering to pay for kids to attend since we decided not to invite kids. We decided to stand our ground because we simply do not want kids there and there were way too many of them.
I guess it depends on what is important to you: Do you want an intimate wedding or are you not inviting the cousins to keep the expenses down?
For me, personally, we made a conscious decision to pay for everything on our own so that no one else could try to make choices for us.
Post # 7
They’re very sweet, kind, nurturing people and we get along when we have dinners and what not. I don’t THINK they would do something but I have anxiety and tend to plan for worst case scenarios. I don’t want to make them sound like manipulative, controlling people.
Yeah, I’m thinking we’ll hold our ground…if they were to offer buying their way it would be out of love but we only see the cousins 3 times a year and it would make the difference between 50 and over 70
Post # 8
I don’t think there’s a rule about whether you have to accept money when it’s offered to you. However, if you decide to accept their money, for anything, you put yourself in a position of having to allow their input. This may include their insisting on inviting people you weren’t planning to. Honestly, the people who hold the purse strings get to make certain demands…it would be nice if they didn’t, but often they do. We got very lucky. My father gave us an amount of money and then stepped back and let us make all our own decisions. On the other hand, my best friend is getting married in September, with money from her parents, and her mom is calling all the shots–she doesn’t feel in control at all, but doesn’t feel like she can say anything because she accepted money from her parents and, frankly, wouldn’t be able to have this wedding without them. I would just wait to hear what they have to say, and if they do offer you money I think you should politely ask what the conditions would be. It’s totally your right to ask that, and to turn down the money if you feel like it comes with strings. I hope it works out for you!!
Post # 9
No rule, but if they do offer to give you money, make sure it’s clear at the outset what their (and your) expectations are. You wouldn’t want to accept the money only to learn that it comes with strings attached.