(Closed) Just curious about in-laws buying in some relatives.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would just explain that it is not just about money, but about your vision for the event, venue capacity, and whatever other reasons you have for not inviting the cousins. Stand your ground, or else then they know they can buy you out whenever they aren’t happy with your decisions.

Post # 4
Member
8 posts
Newbee

Hi Cosmocity,

You can always gracefully decline the offer of money.  Especially if you think it comes with 23 strings attached that you don’t want.  #1 rule is that it is your wedding and your day.

If you decide against it, you can always suggest celebrating another time with the big group.

Post # 5
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I agree with Mini.  This is your wedding and you should have who you want there.   Thank them for the offer (if that’s what the offer is) but tell them this is the wedding you want and plan to keep it that way. 

Post # 6
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I just went through a similar situation with relatives offering to pay for kids to attend since we decided not to invite kids. We decided to stand our ground because we simply do not want kids there and there were way too many of them.

I guess it depends on what is important to you: Do you want an intimate wedding or are you not inviting the cousins to keep the expenses down?

For me, personally, we made a conscious decision to pay for everything on our own so that no one else could try to make choices for us.

Post # 8
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I don’t think there’s a rule about whether you have to accept money when it’s offered to you.  However, if you decide to accept their money, for anything, you put yourself in a position of having to allow their input.  This may include their insisting on inviting people you weren’t planning to.  Honestly, the people who hold the purse strings get to make certain demands…it would be nice if they didn’t, but often they do.  We got very lucky.  My father gave us an amount of money and then stepped back and let us make all our own decisions.  On the other hand, my best friend is getting married in September, with money from her parents, and her mom is calling all the shots–she doesn’t feel in control at all, but doesn’t feel like she can say anything because she accepted money from her parents and, frankly, wouldn’t be able to have this wedding without them.  I would just wait to hear what they have to say, and if they do offer you money I think you should politely ask what the conditions would be.  It’s totally your right to ask that, and to turn down the money if you feel like it comes with strings.  I hope it works out for you!!

Post # 9
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

No rule, but if they do offer to give you money, make sure it’s clear at the outset what their (and your) expectations are.  You wouldn’t want to accept the money only to learn that it comes with strings attached.

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