(Closed) Just curious, after reading this description would YOU marry this guy?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 48
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

 This is a sad situation, and it’s not uncommon for relationships like this to escalate into verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.  Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about it.  You can let her know “hey, this isn’t normal”, but I don’t think anything you say will change her mind about this relationship.  Deep down she probably knows it isn’t healthy, but isn’t willing to admit it to herself yet.

 

In the end if she leaves this guy, it has to come from HER desire to do so.

Post # 49
Member
11506 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

View original reply
@Galang_Gyal:  Thank you for giving me some additional insight into this, because what I was hoping to learn is whether or not she has her own relationship with God and how she may be viewing this from a spiritual perspective. I suspected that she must be operating under the impression that God brought this man into her life, and that is why she is not questioning things that she should be questioning.

THIS is another example of why God never intended members of the Body of Christ to be “Lone Ranger Christians” and how Christians can get into all kinds of trouble and deception if they’re not in fellowship with other believers, and why every Christian needs to be able to answer to God-ordained, legitimate spiritual authority.

From what you’re telling me, this guy is out there entirely on his own, and is not under the spiritual authority of any church leadership that could provide what sounds like much-needed correction in his life.  It also sounds as if his fiance has abandoned the protections that would have been in place for her as well were she an active member or attender of a solid, Bible-believing churchl, and that she is erroneously operating under the impression that she must submit to her boyfriend/fiance as if he were her husband.

I don’t expect that you have answers to all of these questions, but, if I were counseling this young woman, I would want to know:

1.  Is this man’s life consistent with the life of a Godly man as described in Scripture?  (From what you’ve described, it is not.)

2.  Why does this man believe it is OK for him to not be in fellowship with other believers and to have encouraged your friend to have separated herself from fellowshipping with other believers? (It is much easier to control someone when you have successfully isolated him or her.)

3.  To whom does this man believe he has to answer? (Does he think he is above having to answer to anyone?)

4.  Why, if he is legally married to another woman, does this man think he has ANY right at all to even be dating another woman, let alone having asked her to marry him?

5.  What is the status of his marriage?  Why is he no longer with his wife?

6.  Has the nature of this relationship been God-honoring, or has this man crossed any lines with this young woman physically? Has she been compromising her beliefs or integrity due to pressure from him?

There are many other questions that would need to be answered as well.

I think your best bet in helping this young woman is to pray for her diligently, that God would protect her and would prevent her from making a grave mistake with her life, that she would seek and find GOD’s WILL for her life, that He would give her His wisdom, that any lies and deception spoken over her life would be broken, that God would bring other believers into her life who will be able to speak truth to her, and that she will be willing to seek Godly counseling from a trained, Christian counselor or Godly and wise pastor who is trained in counseling.

Post # 50
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Galang_Gyal:  This guy sounds crrrreeeeeeppppppyyyyyy….. and like a creep in general. 

Post # 51
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I think that I was married to him!!! He sounds just like my ex-husband. TELL HER TO RUN!! It is a very toxic relationship and he may end up physically hurting her as my ex did. He needs to be put in place about how to treat women. 

It is a very difficult relationship to watch when you think that they are nice as people. She is getting herself into a sad situation. 

Post # 53
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

There’s always three sides to every story – her side, his side, and the truth (which is usually somewhere in the middle). I’d never assume I had enough insight into a relationship I wasn’t in to tell them what to do. Different things work for different people. 

Post # 54
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

Short answer: no.

Long answer: noooooooooooooooooooo.

Post # 56
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Get out of there!! 
There are way better man out there:) 

Post # 57
Member
4435 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Galang_Gyal:  It’s frightening that she doesn’t see any of the red flags. Agreed with pps- this just can’t end well.

Post # 58
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Galang_Gyal:  he sounds controlling, abusive, manipulative, and slightly nuts. So, no I would obviously not marry him, and in fact I wouldn’t want anything to do with him in general. 

Post # 59
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Galang_Gyal:  well everyone has different things they like about their mate, but from what you said this is scary and just plain weird!!! Ugh if only she sees herself with him and see how he treats her… Or who knows maybe she knows and trying to get out but scared, esp if he’s controlling and seems crazy? 

ummm…. i don’t understand people sometimes?

Post # 60
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
@Galang_Gyal:  also, since he is apparently discussing marriage with his fiancé, is he planning to get divorced? Or will he be adding polygamy to his long list of attractive behaviors?

Post # 61
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

How does one spell NARCISSIST!

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