(Closed) Just curious, after reading this description would YOU marry this guy?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Galang_Gyal:  I wouldn’t marry either of them! 

I wouldn’t marry a guy that needed to have the upper hand and I wouldn’t marry a chick that would quickly change their life so drastically for a relationship that isn’t even settled. Both people involved need help and guidance. 

Post # 63
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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@Brielle:  I can understand why you posted this… but I’m not sure how helpful it will be to the couple… simply because I suspect he is using religion as an excuse to screen his true alterior motives…

I don’t think he has any sort of religious motivation at all… I certainly can’t see any from the rest of the post… all I see is a single, shallow, self-justifying comment, designed to control a vulnerable young woman.

I mean, I could be wrong… but I think the problem here is not his spiritual status, but his moral status. The two may be connected for a lot of people, but not for this guy, I think.

Could be wrong, of course… like I say…

Post # 64
Member
11506 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

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@Rachel631:  I actually wasn’t thinking of it as being helpful to the couple,  per se but, rather, specifically to the young woman involved in this situation.

Based on statements such as the the ones below from the OP, it appears that both of these individuals believe (or are at least alleging) that God is directing the relationship.

“They started dating after knowing each other for 1 week. It was a result of him telling her to break up with her previous boyfriend because supposedly he felt that HE was supposed to be her future husband because ‘God told him this.’ Their relationship began less than 24 hours after her last one ended.”

“Another thing to add to the list is that she left her church to join his church, claiming the Lord told her to … “

” … And she was like “‘Well we just have to be obedient to our men.‘”

If this young woman has become convinced (either on her own or as a result of the influence of her fiance) that this relationship is “God’s will” for her life, she may be reluctant to question it and may continue to ignore not only all of the red flags that are present but also any attempts by others to get her to reconsider the relationship. That is why I believe it may be necessary for a wise and caring Christian friend, pastor, or counselor to come along side her to help her to refocus on what God has to say about relationships and to help her re-evaluate the relationship in light of God’s truth.  That is what I was hoping to convey.  I hope that makes more sense. 🙂

ETA:  FYI, just so there is no confusion about this, I absolutely believe in the principles found in Ephesians 5 as the Biblical model for marriage.  However, I do not believe that it is wise for an unmarried  woman to apply those principles while in a dating relationship, or even during the engagment period.

Post # 65
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

View original reply
@Brielle:  Sorry…. that does make a lot more sense now!

 

Post # 66
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Galang_Gyal:  WOW! Just WOW…what an asshole he is!

Post # 68
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

He is extremely controlling. That poor girl.

Post # 69
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@Galang_Gyal:  This is most likely an abusive relationship. But she wont see it. You cant make her see it. Trying to make her see it will only push you out of her life, which is what she doesnt need. The bes thing you can do to help her is stay in her life. That means never pissing the boyfriend off. 

What I would do: 1) when I was hanging out with her, I would talk about a “friend of mine” (fictional, of course). I would make up stories about how he was controlling or isolating my “friend”. Saying things like “These are just classic symptoms of an abusive relationship. I just dont understand why she doesnt see it”. Make the stories slightly different from hers, but the underlying issues the same. 

2)At some point, just out of the blue, turn to her and say “If for any reason you need help, even at 2 am, even if we arent in contact any more (there is a good chance her SO will furhter isolate her) and it’s been years, please know that you can contact me and I will help you.”

Post # 71
Member
3082 posts
Sugar bee

@Galang_Gyal:  No, I def would not. He sounds very controlling. But she also may be perfectly happy with the dynamic of their relationship?

Idk some girls like being treated like crap. Thats very apparent.

Post # 72
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yup, this guy lost me halfway through the first point. This relationship isn’t going to end well. I’m all for cutting back on spending to save more, but if it’s her money and she wants to spend $3 on a sandwich then what’s the big idea?? This man is dangerous and she needs to get out. She does not have to be loyal to her man, that sounds ridiculous. It also sounds like something this guy would say, based on the description. I would never go near this guy with a ten foot pole.

Fuck. That.

Post # 72
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If he does this kind of crap in public, I don’t want to know what he does to her in private.

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