Just curious – How much money was gifted to you for your wedding?

posted 2 weeks ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: How much money did you receive as gift?
    0-500 : (13 votes)
    12 %
    500 - 2000 : (19 votes)
    18 %
    2000-5000 : (26 votes)
    24 %
    5000-10000 : (17 votes)
    16 %
    10000-20000 : (19 votes)
    18 %
    more than 20000 : (13 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    350 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    We ended up with about $2k I think from 68 guests.  We paid for our own wedding, think it ended up around $13000?

    What I find odd is…if someone else pays for your wedding, then you get a huge amount of  $$ like some of the bees here have…doesn’t that feel…i don’t know…like yucky or something? Example: if our parents had paid for our wedding, then we got $15000 in cash gifts, I would feel terrible and like I should pay the parents back. I think I would feel like I was making profit off people including old parents. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me.  

    Post # 47
    Member
    1870 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    ozbee :  I see what you mean but my parents at least paid for our wedding as a gift, not to get anything back. 

    That said, I DID offer the money to my dad even though it was nowhere near what he paid and he was horrified. He said his money was a gift and the money we received was gifts from our guests 🤷🏻‍♀️ He would never take money from us that he doesn’t need when we are starting out.

    I presume most parents with the means to pay for their children’s weddings feel this way. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    1457 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    ozbee :  I would feel the same. My parents are wealthy but I think they’d have side-eyed me a bit if they’d paid for our wedding and we were rolling in cash after! Not to generalise but this happens in the Turkish and Indian weddings I’ve been to. The parents have paid for the weddings and the gratitude for the reception is directed towards them. The weddings tend to be quite grand and if they weren’t then it would reflect poorly on the parents. At my college friend’s wedding her mum actually made a note of how much money we pinned on the dress. She was standing on the dance floor with a notebook!

     

    Post # 49
    Member
    447 posts
    Helper bee

    ozbee :  To each their own. My parents would be horrified by that outlook. They very much wanted to host our wedding as a celebration of our love and were happy to do so. They had the money and knew that it would make a much bigger dent in our bank account than theirs. And they’re happy our guests were generous with us and that we are starting our married life with a leg up (which they never had).

    Post # 50
    Member
    2162 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2016 - The Venetian

    trackwise :  Ontario, Canada.

    Post # 51
    Member
    350 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    The other side of my perspective is…I have an adult daughter and I have  $10k saved towards her wedding if she ever gets married. I saved this and I want to donate it. But if I heard after they got like $30k in gifts, I think I would feel something about it.  It was hard for me to save the money and it would kind of feel like I was part of a money making venture or something. I don’t know. Maybe I am just not normal.

    Post # 52
    Member
    10083 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    ozbee :  “What I find odd is…if someone else pays for your wedding, then you get a huge amount of  $$ like some of the bees here have…doesn’t that feel…i don’t know…like yucky or something? Example: if our parents had paid for our wedding, then we got $15000 in cash gifts, I would feel terrible and like I should pay the parents back”

    What I think is a lot more “yucky” than presumably  financially secure people who offer to host a child’s wedding out of love and generosity is younger people who are really in no responsible position to be spending that kind of money on a one day party at this stage of life. 

    Our parents paid for our wedding. Assuming that’s what they want, I hope one day to be able to do the same for my own children. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    284 posts
    Helper bee

    I marked the over $20,000 option because my family and my partner’s family each basically gifted us a generous amount of money to do what we wish. We’re putting a small portion of it towards the wedding but the rest is intended to be used to pay a down payment for a house. I don’t know what the rest of our gifts will be yet, since we have yet to have our wedding, but I consider this portion given by our parents to be our wedding gift from them. Neither family knows our budget, and they are not making demands related to guest list – in fact, both sides are praising us for trying to spend a reasonable amount of money and keeping a short guest list.

    We were both very lucky and privileged that our parents paid for us to go to university, so if we can purchase a reasonably priced condo next year, I think both sets of parents feel comforted that they have basically set us up to never have money struggles the rest of our lives, assuming we both remain employed. That’s what they think the real gift is, rather than the cash – they view it as setting us up for our whole lives to be succesful. My grandparents did NOT treat my parents this way although they could have, and my dad has always resented the lack of support from his parents his whole life, so it’s important to him that he could do this for me.

    Post # 54
    Member
    935 posts
    Busy bee

    30 guests (small wedding with just family) and recieved about 25k. Two were big checks from family one for 10k and another for 5k. 

    Post # 55
    Member
    1870 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    ozbee :  maybe you shouldn’t contribute to your daughters wedding if you are going to resent the gifts she receives and want money back. 

    If you can’t afford to contribute you absolutely don’t have to. I just think it’s awful if you do and then expect that money back from them. Isn’t that beside the point? 

    Post # 57
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee

    we had a large registry and had 120 guests. We got around 3k cash gifted.

    Post # 58
    Member
    350 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    thumperbear :  its not a matter of resentment or not being able to ‘afford’ it. I guess there’s just too many privileged bees to whom money is not an object or who can’t put themselves in the shoes of others.  It’s like when my elderly dad gives me a gift card for birthday/xmas. He can ‘afford’ it because he put that money aside to do it. But I dont NEED it and I feel bad that he’s given it to me when I work and earn 3x what he does on his pension. 

    Post # 59
    Member
    2162 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2016 - The Venetian

    trackwise :  No, we paid.  Just my wedding dress and our traditional Laotian ceremony clothing my mom insisted on paying for.

    We are in our 30’s, established…have a house etc..and by the time the wedding rolled around, had been together for like 12 years so we already had the money.

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