(Closed) Just curious: When is it okay to NOT be the bigger person?

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 17
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Can you get a lockbox for your food? 😛 

I just think that doing something mean will quickly escalate and if she’s this mean and careless now, I don’t want to think about how she might up the ante.


Post # 20
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@LadyBlackheart:  I was thinking about a lockbox for inside the fridge. The hidden camera idea isn’t a bad one either. Just don’t be tempted to post it online as that would be very bad. 

It’s hard to say which type of person she is, has anyone else you know ever lived with her? Perhaps they have some history that might help.

Post # 21
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Not to steal the thread, but my roommates act like I am “Jo”, when I have no concievable understanding why. I turn the lights off when I leave a room (a rule they specifically asked me to follow), do the dishes on time, always lock the door, keep to my own room, never use the living room, rarely use the kitchen and almost never when they are around. I share the fridge and I feel I take up a reasonable amount of space. I take out the trash when it’s my week and I don’t ever leave food sitting around. I always put dishes in the dishwasher. I moved into this place as an individual lease for a 3 br apartment and I was given the last open br. The girls had already been there a year. I’m not sure if/who lived in my room before. It’s just about the opposite of your situation. I don’t get it. They won’t even say hello when I come in and say hello.

I would definitely confront this girl. She can handle it. But do it in a polite, “bigger person” manner. Tell her it straight, but nicely. If she doesn’t isten, you can talk to the leasing office about what you can do. 


Post # 23
510 posts
Busy bee

To be perfectly honest, none of these sound like a big deal. Living with roommates is always an inconvenience. I agree with PP, leaving the lights on is mainly a matter a preference. A hall light does not drastically affect the electric bill. The lending money is a lesson most people learn early on in adult life. Most times, people suck for paying money back. Take it as a life lesson earned. Did she really need to pay $20 to have a roommate give her a ride?

Did you ask her to replace the pot? Have you kept your laundry stuff in your bedroom? To some people, communal areas with items = communal items.

It sounds like you really need to communicate with her effectively and PROMPTLY. As soon as something happens, tell her!! Don’t let it fester.

Post # 25
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

Hmm, if they’re in a position of power or authority over you.

For example, if they are your parent, but not senile/materially dependent on you (roles have not been reversed yet). Or if they are your boss (soon to be ex-boss).

The power differential that is not in your favor allows you to speak extra-freely without moral guilt. It also has the wonderful element of shock, especially if they’re used to brown-nosers 🙂

Post # 26
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Keep your stuff locked in your room. She’s probably borrowing phones & laptops to try to steal your personal info. If you have any accounts that could have been left open when she took a phone or laptop I’d put a freeze on your credit, seriously.


Mediation w/ the leasing office sounds like a good route. Until her lease is up there’s really nothing else you can do, try to ignore her & remember it’s only a temporary housing situation. I’ve had some pretty terrible roomates before & it totally sucks but you can’t let them ruin your home life. Good luck!


Post # 27
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@LadyBlackheart:  If I’m unhappy with something someone is doing to me, I don’t tolerate it. Fuck being a bigger person, life is too short to be unhappy. However, if they are doing something I don’t like and it is none of my business, I butt out.

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