(Closed) just failed the christmas challenge…. really bad.

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

🙁 I am really sorry hun.

Post # 4
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Why don’t you ask him for more concrete of an explanation than “I am here?” Ask him when, tell him you don’t want a surprise, and make things more transparent if it’s making you this emotional.

Post # 6
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

He’s paying the ring down?  Does he have it in his possession?

My fiance did the “I want it to be special” (and on his timeline) thing as well.  It was tough when our anniversary, last Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and Valentine’s Day passed with no proposal.  Meanwhile, I was going full speed ahead already with wedding plans.  I had people asking me if I was sure I was actually going to get married.  I got my proposal on my birthday in March, which actually did surprise me.  And you know what?  It was totally worth the wait!

Post # 7
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@SillyStacey: He really should of given you more than just “i’m here” he hasn’t reassured you i am sure you are feeling just as lost as u felt before he even saw you get upset. I hope it made him realise he needs to get off his butt and do something about it.. i am sure no guy wants to intentionally make their girl upset he needs to be more reassuring of the fact it is going to happen.

Post # 8
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I know exactly how you are feeling.  We went ring shopping in July 2010.  My birthday, some trips, and Thanksgiving went by without a peep.  Some men want the ring to be fully theirs before they present it…and some don’t want a big, grand proposal.  Mine wound up proposing on Black Friday 2010 (no holiday so the day didn’t get lumped in with another event).

 

He has the ring.  The proposal is coming.  Try, try, try to manage your expectations.  I know it’s hard.  This is an exciting time!  You know he’s not going to wait ten years. 

 

Post # 9
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Towards the end of waiting it got sooooo bad between my Fiance and I. I was upset all the time and I can’t say we enjoyed our relationship. I knew he bought the ring and that it was coming. Although he didnt’ want some grand, huge proposal, I knew that he was waiting for the best time. It sucks. Hang in there a little more!

Post # 10
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

I know it feels like your going to be stuck waiting ten years but at least you know he has the ring.  While it make take him a while to pay it down it’s still a major step in the right direction. Their are plenty of girls who SO haven’t even gotten that far me included. When it does happen I’m pretty sure all of this will be a distant thought. I failed the challenge too. I was so excited about these diamonds I found I told my SO last night. I tried to get a timeline out of him but it was a no go.

Post # 11
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Things were really bad for Darling Husband and me in the last 3 months before the proposal as well. I tried to play it cool, but was totally unable to, outside/societal pressure didn’t help. People constantly asked us (actually just me) when we were going to get engaged, people even called me his wife when we were on vacation together over Thanksgiving. Meanwhile I was never really sure if he had been saving or not despite our multiple talks. And he never spoke about engagement or the future since he knew that was an explosive topic of conversation.

At least you know he’s on board to get engaged and is paying down the ring. YOu know it’s only a matter of time, ‘not if, but when’. So try to be your normal self from here on out. If you are totally unable to, then I would sit him donw and have a serious talk about your mental health and the proposal. Say that it’s making you extremely depressed, anxious, angry, sad etc. and waiting is too difficult for you. Ask him to agree upon a deadline that he has to propose by so at least you know it will be within X amount of days/weeks/months. I finally did that with Darling Husband and it was life changing. Because I no longer stressed about if or when it was going to happen and it also made him go out and get the ring quicker.

Post # 12
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

@SillyStacey:

Just a note to say you are not alone in these feelings, behavior, etc. I have to make a daily effort to not say something about marriage and keep my head up about the situation. It does seem so unfair and cruel on their part to continue the waiting stage. MY SO and I are going on 4 years. How long have you been together with your SO? I agree with Vegan that your SO has made the big step of purcashing a ring. That is a BIG step. I am another one who is hoping that their SO will get to that point sooner rather than later. Taking the step of buying the ring is a sign that it WILL happen – you don’t have to wonder IF it will happen. That should help ease any stress you may have regarding “IF”. Who knows…. maybe he didn’t delve into conversation because he is planning something sooner than you think?

I know it’s hard, but really try to focus on yourself and all the other people in your life – especially since the Holidays are coming. I know the Holidays are hard, but honestly, in the blink of an eye Christmas will be over, and it will be onto the next thing. Remember to share the season with all the other great people in your life! I think in reality, we “waiting ladies” have more control of the situation than we may think – it’s just realizing that and trying to use it to our advantage.

I try to remember this… In reality, he still hasn’t “sealed the deal” yet, and you have the power to be independent and make him “chase” you (in a sense) without ever even saying a word! It is hard and frustrating, but I’ve noticed the longer I do this, the easier it gets to “wait” and allows me to feel like I re-gain some control of the situation. Are you part of Mr. Bee’s Plan Pact?

Post # 14
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

@SillyStacey:

“Yeah I think the worst is feeling that my friends and coworkers are secretly thinking “what a poor fool. she thinks he’s going to come around but he’s not”


I feel this way ALOT! It’s hard cuz you have to trust your gut and ignore the pessimistic tones that seem to come towards females who are with their SO for a long time without getting engaged. I think it’s one of those things people get thrown-off by, so they don’t know what to think other than something must be wrong. They also just care about you so they want you to have everything you want.

I think it shows great progess that he went from not being a fan of getting married to now seriously talking about it happening. That is a big change that alot of men don’t seem to make. I think since he has a history of not being a fan of marriage, then it is okay to give him some time to make it happen! It really sounds to me like he has made great progress. I also think it’s sweet and responsible of him to make sure the ring is paid for before proposing. Although it sucks waiting, it sounds like he is financially responsible and has a good head on his shoulders. He also is really thinking this through and you’ll know that WHEN he asks, he will really mean it! Sure, he may be taking longer than you’d like, but if he really is the one, the wait will be worth it in the end. At least your SO is making strides and growing as a person. Hang in there!!!

Post # 16
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Dont fret!

He has the ring, the proposal is in sight which is why you feel negative, your SO can’t console you at the moment as he doesnt want to ruin your surprise, your doing ever so well, just hang in there a bit longer 🙂

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