Post # 1
I- like everyone here- have good and bad waiting days..today is the most miserable waiting day for me and I just have to get this out.
I’m not sure what brought this on really, and hopefully getting it out here will help me move past it. I know this is probably making me sound like a horrible girlfriend, but I just need a place to vent and someone to understand.
My SO is SUPER involved with his nephews and I think it’s awesome. He is like a second father to them. I am an aunt myself, but mine live out of town so I dont see them as often. So I understand the situation, we both do not have kids from other relationships or of our own together, but we have discussed and want kids after marriage. But my biggest, ugliest fault lately is that I am getting annoyed with his relationship with them (Horrible, I know). Almost every weekend we are seeing these kids, and dont get me wrong- I love these kids and their parents like my own family, and I feel the same reciprication towards me from the parents (SO’s brother and his wife). However, I feel like the kids just dont really like me. They are always nice, very respectful and well-behaved, but it’s a vibe I just get from them. I have been in their lives over a year now and they are still so super shy around me/uncomfortable and I don’t get it. I dont feel like I give off any reason for them to feel uncomfortable, I am always very loving with them, but there is still a barrier there. I kind of feel secluded and left out when the family is all together and the boys go off with dad and uncle and the baby, me, and mom are hanging out and the mom cant catch a break because the baby wont go to anyone else but her and the guys- he screams and cries everytime I try to hold him. It makes me feel like I am a mean old step-aunt…I dont know… If I talk about this with SO or his family I get the whole “oh, theyre just shy”…Wouldnt they have warmed up to me by now??
Anyway, lately it has just been bothering me- It doesnt make me love his nephews-which will be my nephews too in the future- any less, it just makes me yearn for my own children. Yeah there will be days where my kids hate me but there has to be no greater feeling in the world than your own kid loving on you and not acting like youre a monster!
I guess this all stems from waiting to be engaged and the steps in life that come with it…ugh, I am so ready it’s eating me alive. I am so over being the childless girlfriend 🙁
Thanks for listening, I feel better just talking about it! 🙂
Post # 3
@Aklove: While I cannot (on any level) relate to your desire to have children, I do have younger siblings and understand being bummed out when you feel like they don’t “like” you. I hadnt seen my much younger sisters in a few years when I last saw them, and they were almost shy at first. It made me really sad, thinking they didnt like me anymore. Thankfully, my Boyfriend or Best Friend stepped in and got the ball rolling and we had a great time on our visit.
Don’t get down on yourself: kids are tiny little confusing humans who don’t know how to articulate many of the things they feel. I’m sure they like you just fine and I’m sure you’re very kind to them 🙂
Post # 4
Dont feel too bad Im pretty sure all kids go through this. My daughter is 2 and still screams and cries everytime my bfs friend comes over. Its not like she has any reason to cry but she just does..and so did my son. Some kids are definitely more shy than others and takes them a long time to warm up to people. For example, for the first year of living with my bf my son wanted nothing to do with him even though my bf tried to play with him and be fun with him. Eventually they get over it.
Have you tried to jump into any of the activities that the men do with the children? That might help them warm up a little. Sometimes you just have to continuously put yourself out there to the kids, even if it seems like they arent interested, just try to find a common thing that you can enjoy together.
Post # 5
Hey girl first of all let me start off with saying dont beat yourself up. We all have bad waiting days. Yes some kids are more shy than others, and most little boys tend to be more shy than little girls. I have a six yr old daughter so I’ve been through that phase. But one thing you have to remember is kids tend to pick up on adult feelings. If you’re stressed, anxious, or nervous they pick up on it and due to their lack of being able to vocalist that they feel something is bothering you as in “hey, what’s wrong?” They tend to just kind of shut down and remain distant. Make sure that time spent with your SO and his fambam is stress free, and fun! That’s what it’s supposed to be after all right?
I know how hard it is to be in the baby crazy phase and seeing your SO interact with little ones, its almost impossible not to day dream about how wonderful they will be with YOUR little ones one day, but till that day comes, try and keep the green eyed monster at bay. And just enjoy the time you have with your SO and his family now.
Post # 6
I just want to hug you!!!!! Im an Aunt of 16 and im only 27 and mine live out of town too. But I totally empathize with you. GO INTO KIDDIE MODE WITH THEM!!!:) I would try bringing a small gift for the kid or something for their mom. That way, when you see them, they would definitely look forward to seeing you. After giving them the gift, try to engage in a game or movie time with them. Kids are curious people. So if you put on a movie and watch it with them they will want to know what you think of it too. Or pick up one of their toys snd play with it with them.
I have raised my sister and babysat a lot of kids in my day lol SO I have a lot of things which have helped me in that situation. Hope this helps you too!
Post # 7
Please dont feel bad!! Some kids take a long time to warm up. They’re going to come around one day, and you’ll be their favorite aunt because they see you every week and know you so well.
2 things to try:
one day be the one that takes them for ice cream or for a walk or take them to look at a bird in the backyard, basically where you are in charge of their well being, even if its for 5 mins.
next time you see them don’t be all up in their business, just be there, not as interested in talking to them. if they want to interact they can make the moves to do so, kinda ignore them.
That sounds horrible but I dont mean it to. However long it takes I hope you don’t give up on them. Its a special relationship and one day you will see how much they adore you for being there for them.
Post # 8
It’s surprising this thread popped up today. I had a similar issue with SO’s niece and nephew. The big difference is we only see them once or twice a year, as they live across the pond, so the process was longer. Pretty much every past visit, they have always been polite and friendly, but there was that wall of being their uncle’s girlfriend. However, earlier during this visit, his little niece came up to me while I was with my SO, and asked if we were going to get married. Since then, it has been like something flipped in their minds, and they have treated me more as an aunt. Today, we went over before they head back home, and while my SO was helping his sister with her new iPad, and their other uncle had fallen asleep from a long work week, the kids discovered my photobooth app on my iPad, and we spent probably a good 30 minutes taking pictures of them climbing all over me. Honestly, it takes time, but eventually something will just change and you’ll be able to feel close to them.
Post # 9
You guys…seriously THANK YOU. The support here is overwhelming, I love it. All the advice, understanding…it means so much to me! I will take this advice and bring you all back an update. 🙂 Reading your responses…the effort on my end could be better to make the relationships better!
Post # 10
@Aklove: You’re welcome!!! Please do a follow-up post. Im sure this post and your feedback will help others in the future. 🙂
Post # 11
I just wanted to thank everyone here again for the words of encouragement and advise! I have been recently more involved and it is helping a ton! I am getting asked to play more games woth them lately and the baby is warming up to me quite well!! He even came running at me smiling last night and hugged and kissed me…then when I tried putting him down he freaked out!! LOL!
I dont even know why I complained about this before, I need to learn how to be more patient!! Thanks again everyone 🙂