(Closed) Just for fun! How does your future FMIL rate?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: FMIL? 10's the best

    10

    9

    8

    7

    6

    5

    4

    3

    2

  • Post # 47
    Hostess
    8575 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I voted 9.

    She is very supportive of us, and always has been.. but – she tries staying out of our business SO much [she REALLY tries not to step over boundaries], that she’s hardly in-tune with anything going on. I send her countless emails about all of the wedding planning so she is up to date [Fi’s family lives 2,000 miles away], but she doesn’t really give her opinion about things one for or another.

    Fi doesn’t call her much to keep her updated, either [he’s a guy, what can you expect?]

    Other than that, she’s fabulous!

    Post # 48
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I have a Mother-In-Law and SMIL.  I’ve met SMIL 2 times so I don’t know her, she’s not too interested in what happens with DH & his siblings, they live far away so I would give her a 5.  She’s not a pain or causing problems. 

    Mother-In-Law lives 3 blocks from us and she is AMAZING.  I call her Ma.  She does so much for everyone.  She doesn’t stick her nose in your business.  We hang out with her about once a week.  I gave her a 10. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    View original reply
    @rawrrrrr:  Statistics are terrible, and rarely an accurate representation of populus. If anything, I feel that my close relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law strengthens Fiance and I’s relationship. The fact that  we don’t view things as “My Family” “His Family”, inspires us to work through our issues, because if we don’t, we don’t just lose eachother, we lose half of our faamily.

     

    Not to imply that not having this type of bond with your FI’s family is truly detrimental to your marriage, but it can certainly make for some extra stress. I truly sympathize with those who have wretched IL’s, and can’t imagine ever treating my child’s chosen partner with anything but open arms.

    Post # 50
    Member
    8439 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My Future Mother-In-Law tries, but her narrowmindedness and negativity bring her grand total to a 2.  She’s pretty racist, overbearing and nosey….not a good combination.  So glad I’m not bringing kids into this family lol.

    Post # 51
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    View original reply
    @Jw1724:  THIS IS THE SAME VICIOUS CYCLE I LIVE WITH.  I’ve actually determined (based on the way she treats everyone in her family, certainly not just me) that my Future Mother-In-Law behaves incredibly nicely when she feels like she is hated.  It is such a shame because the minute you reciprocate with kindness she immediately wants to take control again with guilt trips and manipulation.  

    Post # 52
    Member
    1251 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    I give Mother-In-Law a 6. I love her, but we’re not super close- she’s a bit overbearing and hard on DH (while she glorifies BIL).

    Post # 53
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    View original reply
    @pokey730:  yikes… article wasn’t meant to ellicit such a response.  merely meant to offer light hearted consolation to those of us who have been trying to keep our arms wide open for years only to have coldness shoved into them time and time again.  it is certainly never wise to attempt to instigate a poor relationship with anyone, least of all people you will be related to.  nor is it wise to sink to the level of the smaller person in the situation.  

     

    I will continue to play the gracious smiling FDIL while my Future Mother-In-Law hides from me in the basement… it’s just nice to know that along with all the pain and grief it has caused me over the years, it might not necessarily be the worst thing in the world for Fiance and I’s relationship.

     

     

     

    Post # 54
    Member
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I love my Future Mother-In-Law. We live together and she is the kindest, non judgemental, helps-in-any-she-can type person I’ve ever met. 

     

    We’re moving out soon (as soon as we close on our house which is taking forever!) and I’m gonna miss seeing her everyday 🙁 

     

    View original reply
    @rawrrrrr:  Really? Strange article. I would equate good relationships with an even better married life? I might be wrong but, it seems that when the two most important women in a man’s life (assuming he’s close to his mother) get along, it makes for a great situation for everyone. 

    Post # 55
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee

    Love mine 🙂 from the beginning I was welcomed and pretty much the 3rd daughter. So glad I don’t have to fight the Mother-In-Law battle.

    Post # 56
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    View original reply
    @Mimoza:  the article goes into some reasoning and rationale.  i’m with you that getting along is the best of both worlds, but it sounds like that closeness can sometimes backfire down the road when boundaries are important.  a closer relationship with Mother-In-Law can open the door to a great deal more unsolicited advice etc.

    certainly not saying that this is the case for everyone or even MOST people.  just a pattern that you can observe if you look at numbers. *shrug*

    end threadjack.

    Post # 57
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    View original reply
    @rawrrrrr:  Don’t get me wrong, my post wasn’t me being upset. Though admittedly, I don’t particularly appreciate my excellent relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law being correlated to nonsense statistic about divorce. I truly feel sympathy for those without these positive bonds, but I won’t imply that they will be cause for an unhappy marriage. I merely point out that this positive relationship can do nothing but solidify and already solid relationship. That’s all.

    Post # 58
    Member
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @rawrrrrr:  I totally agree with you, and with the article on some points. I read it twice over and I see where it’s coming from however I feel like when it comes to oversharing or crossing lines, it is all a matter of how situations are handled. 

     

    So like you said, it’s all different case by case.

     

    In general, I happen to like my inlaws for the deeper reasons of them being honest, hard working, sincere people. I dislike some of the things they do and so does FH (example: they are too focused on children being raised with bible class & jesus in their mind). Currently they do not try to control our lives (though other people in FFIL’s family do) however when children come along, FH and I had a long talk about boundaries and who the parents are. 

     

    Sorry for threadjacking haha. 

     

    Post # 59
    Member
    3823 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @ellisrobertson:  me neither. not in person, anyway.

    Post # 60
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I gave mine a 5.  She’s definitely not the worst Mother-In-Law out there (especially after reading some of the posts on here), but she and FIL did try to hijack our wedding and when we stood up to them, they threw my fiance out of the house.  They have been petty and childish since.  The last little while things seem to have improved, but we’ll what happens the next time they don’t get their way.  I hope things improve with time.

    Post # 61
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    View original reply
    @Mimoza:  haha yes for all the complaining i have just done i still gave my Future Mother-In-Law a 6.  She has raised a wonderful son… Fiance was certainly not someone who turned out the way he did IN SPITE of his mother or anything like that.  Her heart is in the right place about 80% of the time.  She was an only child and her father died when she was at a very impressionable age, which took its toll on her mother as well.  We’ve amateur diagnosed her with some strong abandonment issues.  It makes things difficult sometimes, but family is forever.  I would never want Fiance to feel like he has to choose between me and his mother.  I can’t say she feels the same way, but it is what it is.

    The topic ‘Just for fun! How does your future FMIL rate?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors