Just for fun- signs he doesn't want marriage/felt pressured

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

Refusing to have an adult conversation about the future.

Post # 3
Member
542 posts
Busy bee

usually that he hasn’t asked “you” to marry him

Post # 4
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee

Speaking poorly of marriage “my parents/sister/coworker got divorced so I don’t believe in marriage lasting”  “it’s all over once you get married” ” it’s just a piece of paper”

Post # 5
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

Well there was that one bee whose Boyfriend or Best Friend said he couldn’t propose because of the possible nuclear war…so there’s that.

Post # 6
Member
659 posts
Busy bee

If you’ve been together for over a year, you ask him “could you see marrying me as part of your future?”, he says no, and then can’t tell you why or have an adult discussion about it.  Run when this happens.  

Post # 7
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Refusing to, or shutting down the topic of engagement/marriage whenever it’s brought up.

Post # 8
Member
2504 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

“it’s just a piece of paper” 

“why change things when they’re going great the way it is”

Shutting down the topic of engagement or the future

IMO being together for many years (3-5+) and no engagement unless it’s agreed upon like if you’re in school or something is a red flag. 

Post # 9
Member
5013 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Excuse, after excuse, after excuse..

Post # 10
Member
7323 posts
Busy Beekeeper

He agress to milestones–moving in together, sharing family holidays, combining finances, and so on including engagement and then doesn’t follow through, delays, or changes his mind. 

Post # 11
Member
3711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Moving the goal post seems to be a red flag to me. First he has to finish school. Then get a job earning X amount of money. Then buy a house. Then get a higher degree. Then get a bigger house, etc. If he had all those goals from the door and his SO agreed to those terms that’s fine, but to say it will happen after X is achieved, and then that achievement is just followed by some other X, that’s a bad sign.

Post # 12
Member
10351 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He needs a break before he can make a decision on the topic. 

Being adamant he can’t speak even about a general timeline as it “ruins the surprise” 

He has been saving for 12 years for a ring but needs to continue saving because the ring has to be perfect because “it’s what you deserve”. Thinks he might have enough saved in another three years or so? 

And my personal favorite: “I was hurt in my last relationship/marriage/by seeing my parents get divorced so it’s not something I feel comfortable discussing right now. I’m scared because I don’t want us to turn out that way. But maybe if you could just move in with me we will see how things are going in a few years?”

His friends/family/you bringing up marriage make him feel pressured and he wants it to be “his decision”.

Post # 13
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Talking about it will ruin the surprise.

We need to wait until your 6 year old sister has found someone, got engaged, had her 4 year engagement, had her wedding, had her 6 kids, had her vow renewal and then had the 7th kid before we can even think of getting engaged. Otherwise we’ll be stealing her thunder.

Weddings are too expensive or worse that weddings and marriage is feeding the patriarchy. So getting married is the unfeminist thing to do and he’s doing her a favour by being such a wonderful feminist, completely refusing to listen to her and what she wants.

It’s just an excuse for the government to keep tabs on us all.

Lets have a kid and then we’ll get married.

Post # 14
Member
11398 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

He would get married, but he’s deeply scarred by his ex-wife, who you might like to know is “crazy” and cheated on him, after stealing all of his money. 

It’s all her fault, he tells you.

 

Post # 15
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
jewellight :  no real concrete discussion about marriage, changes the subject, or manipulates the partner by either making excuses or saying they ‘feel pressured’ so you look like the bad guy. 

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