Post # 1
Hey Bees! Weekend is almost here! Just for fun what are the signs a man does not want to get married or felt pressured to get married? I am finding this seems to be a common trend and thought it would be good to get everyones thoughts on this.
Post # 2
Refusing to have an adult conversation about the future.
Post # 3
usually that he hasn’t asked “you” to marry him
Post # 4
Speaking poorly of marriage “my parents/sister/coworker got divorced so I don’t believe in marriage lasting” “it’s all over once you get married” ” it’s just a piece of paper”
Post # 5
Well there was that one bee whose Boyfriend or Best Friend said he couldn’t propose because of the possible nuclear war…so there’s that.
Post # 6
If you’ve been together for over a year, you ask him “could you see marrying me as part of your future?”, he says no, and then can’t tell you why or have an adult discussion about it. Run when this happens.
Post # 7
Refusing to, or shutting down the topic of engagement/marriage whenever it’s brought up.
Post # 8
“it’s just a piece of paper”
“why change things when they’re going great the way it is”
Shutting down the topic of engagement or the future
IMO being together for many years (3-5+) and no engagement unless it’s agreed upon like if you’re in school or something is a red flag.
Post # 9
Excuse, after excuse, after excuse..
Post # 10
He agress to milestones–moving in together, sharing family holidays, combining finances, and so on including engagement and then doesn’t follow through, delays, or changes his mind.
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Moving the goal post seems to be a red flag to me. First he has to finish school. Then get a job earning X amount of money. Then buy a house. Then get a higher degree. Then get a bigger house, etc. If he had all those goals from the door and his SO agreed to those terms that’s fine, but to say it will happen after X is achieved, and then that achievement is just followed by some other X, that’s a bad sign.
Post # 12
He needs a break before he can make a decision on the topic.
Being adamant he can’t speak even about a general timeline as it “ruins the surprise”
He has been saving for 12 years for a ring but needs to continue saving because the ring has to be perfect because “it’s what you deserve”. Thinks he might have enough saved in another three years or so?
And my personal favorite: “I was hurt in my last relationship/marriage/by seeing my parents get divorced so it’s not something I feel comfortable discussing right now. I’m scared because I don’t want us to turn out that way. But maybe if you could just move in with me we will see how things are going in a few years?”
His friends/family/you bringing up marriage make him feel pressured and he wants it to be “his decision”.
Post # 13
Talking about it will ruin the surprise.
We need to wait until your 6 year old sister has found someone, got engaged, had her 4 year engagement, had her wedding, had her 6 kids, had her vow renewal and then had the 7th kid before we can even think of getting engaged. Otherwise we’ll be stealing her thunder.
Weddings are too expensive or worse that weddings and marriage is feeding the patriarchy. So getting married is the unfeminist thing to do and he’s doing her a favour by being such a wonderful feminist, completely refusing to listen to her and what she wants.
It’s just an excuse for the government to keep tabs on us all.
Lets have a kid and then we’ll get married.
Post # 14
He would get married, but he’s deeply scarred by his ex-wife, who you might like to know is “crazy” and cheated on him, after stealing all of his money.
It’s all her fault, he tells you.
Post # 15
no real concrete discussion about marriage, changes the subject, or manipulates the partner by either making excuses or saying they ‘feel pressured’ so you look like the bad guy.