(Closed) Just found out about my CEREMONY CRASHERS! WWYD?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would ask a good male friend to stand at the back of the church & instruct them that they can stand in the back if they wish, but seats are for invited guests only.

Post # 4
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Ms.VW:  Agreed. I wouldn’t care who attended the ceremony, as long as they didn’t take seats reserved for my invited guests.

Post # 6
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hire bouncers.  Bouncers with tasers.  “Take one step closer, ma’am, and BZZZZZZZT

Post # 7
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

so weird… and kinda sad. I would just ignore it unless they were being disruptive

Post # 8
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

You might not like what I’ll say… But you’re judging her for her “non-Christian” attitudes, then saying you don’t like her family! A family who are, from what you’ve said, yourbrethren in Christ and who it seems don’t have many friends. They might not get invited to many events, and feel like they are doing something nice by being there on your special day. You don’t know their motives so I wouldn’t be too harsh on them. 

From someone who’s had a similar experience, id say it’s best to let it go. You can’t forbid people from coming to th church, but you can let it not upset you…

Post # 9
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Ms.VW:    I’m going to chime in and agree with this also.  Especially since you are close to max capacity seating, I’d make sure that anyone without an invite didn’t get a seat and if they wanted to stand and watch then fine whatever.  Are you allowed to just not let anyone in that arrives after the ceremony has started?

Post # 10
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Ms.VW:  I agree, have them act politely but to tell anyone who enters that is not an invited guest that there is a section reserved for them in the back

Post # 11
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hello date twin!  I don’t think you can really stop people from coming or tell them they can’t since the church is open to the public.  However, you could have ushers to escort people and then they can make sure that this family is out of the way and not sitting in the reserved seats.

 

Post # 12
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes to what the PP said. Have an Usher to escort them to the last row. 

And I know it’s upsetting, and easy to say, but don’t let it bother you. You’ll be so excited to get married, all of the festivities, and seeing your family and frends that you probably won’t even notice them. 

If they show up to your reception…that’s a whole other story—you should have them physically removed! 

Good luck! 

Post # 13
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

Can you do a sort of ‘guest list’ for the ushers? And if they’re not on the list, they’re instructed to stand at the back?

You can point out to the ushers who they are and tell them to look out for them taking seats – but I wouldn’t tell them they’re NOT ALLOWED to be invited, even if that’s what you want.

And I agree to find some sort of way of now allowing people in once the ceremony has begun… that’s really rude.

Post # 14
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Honestly I’d just let it go. During our ceremony we had a group of tourists walk into the back and stand and take pictures (very odd but whatever). I didn’t even notice until after the ceremony ended and my mom told me. In the grand scheme of things it didn’t matter, just like it won’t really matter if these people show up to the ceremony. I wouldn’t pick this one to battle.

Post # 15
Member
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hate to say it, but it’s kind of the church’s call on this, not yours. Some churches feel everyone should be welcome in “God’s house” and I know that specifically a lot of Catholic churches feel that everyone should be able to attend Mass–Mass is the ceremony; the wedding is incidental. Sometimes congregation members feel really entitled to “their church” so that’s why you have them sitting in the family sections and shenanigans like that (which is seriously rude!) 

So, since In My Humble Opinion, you can’t tell the church’s members to stay away, etiher beforehand or even at the ceremony, here are my suggestions:

-Create a “critical mass” by either telling the church that the ceremony is at 5 while you write 4:30 on the invite–that way, your posse will be there earlier and fill up the seats. People can then “save places” for others (which is kinda nasty in that middle-school way, but oh well). You can sweeten the deal by providing small refreshments or putting something extra in your programs (like a crossword puzzle or family anecdotes/albums or love mad-libs) to keep people entertained. 

-Definitely at least put ushers (preferably people who know who you know vs. random people) by pews that are for family members. If people have a problem wtih this, give them the line, “Oh, I’m sorry–we have some elderly and disabled guests coming and we need to keep some seats available for them. Thank you for understanding.) No one’s gonna fight that. 

-You can have ushers ask “bride or groom” in the back and if people admit (some people won’t), then you can tell them that non-wedding people are permitted to stand in the back. 

 

One other thing–if your church can only accommodate 250 and that’s your guest list, you might call your priest/deacon/pastor whatever and subtly ask about fire code. They might be mroe inclined to help you. 

Post # 16
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I like Ms.VW’s suggestions, but if your church has an open-door policy such that any parishioner has the right to attend weddings, I can’t think it would go over well – with the family or with your church – to try and stop them from sitting down.  The last thing you need is a scene at your ceremony, especially if they arrive late.  Would it be possible for you to give your ushers or coordinator a good description or show them a picture of the family, and have the family directed to a spot near the back when they arrive?

Reminds me of the opening scene of Wedding Planner, where JLo’s assistant has to move a woman (“we have a dark tower choking the A/V”) – they told her she was on the preferred seating list and moved her far away.

 

ETA: Clearly I had this window open too long since other PPs have made similar suggestions!!Laughing

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