(Closed) Just found out FI is in a load of debt. Now what?

posted 6 years ago in Money
  • poll: How much debt will you and your FI carry (NOT including mortgages)
    Nothing-we are debt free! : (95 votes)
    23 %
    $10,000 or less : (90 votes)
    22 %
    $10,000-$20,000 : (55 votes)
    13 %
    $20,000-$30,000 : (40 votes)
    10 %
    $30,000-$40,000 : (17 votes)
    4 %
    $40,000-$50,000 : (17 votes)
    4 %
    $50,000-$60,000 : (20 votes)
    5 %
    $60,000-$75,000 : (20 votes)
    5 %
    $75,000-$100,000 : (18 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @fivemonthsnotice:  Oh wow. I guess my first question is debt to income – is this manageable on what you guys bring in? Honestly, that would be a year’s with of household income for us to pay off and I would flip shit if I found out about that.

    Aside from our mortgage, we have $0 consumer debt.

    ETA: how are you just finding out about this? Why didn’t he tell you?

    Post # 4
    Member
    4099 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    We will be over $200,000 because of a mortgage, but otherwise we are relatively debt free… I have no debt, he has his motorcycle which has ~$6,000 left on it and a rainbow vaccum cleaner ~$800 remaining than the last thing is his medical debt (we don’t count the medical debt…he has crohns disease and had an attack when he didn’t have insurance, also his treatments are quite expensive even with insurance) $5,000

    Post # 5
    Member
    3968 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @fivemonthsnotice:  This would make me incredibly nervous. If it was student loan debt, that’s totally excusable. Not only is he not spending responsibly for himself, he has to take into account it’s going to be “our (I’m assuming)” money! You can’t just spend things like that when there are important things to be paid. Personally I would need to have a serious talk with him with a financial advisor. If he doesn’t realize the trouble he’s in (and the need to reduce it ASAPP) I would be uncomfortable marrying him until he had a grasp on the severity of this. I get it, lots of people have debt, but it’s irresponsible.

    ETA: In terms of the poll, are you asking including all mortgages, car loans, etc? Or just consumer debt– credit cards.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3968 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @hiroshymatetrastar:  When it comes to debt, I don’t really consider loans on reasonably priced cars (you know, to get to work to make the money) and mortgages. Those are life expenses! But consumer debt, buying things you really don’t need, or things you need but extragant brands or models is  bad news!

    ETA: Therefore I would only count that vacuum 😉

    Post # 8
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    That would be a huge problem to me. Huge. Like putting off the wedding till we get that straightened out huge. You have kids to provide for, and if you marry him and combine finances for the marriage/business/house/etc…….you and your credit are now tied to that debt.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4099 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @love108:  I guess because I’m debt free, I see all of the debt he has as bad (I know the house is a necessity) but the motorcycle, and the rainbow, .. meh.. I love the bike, and I’ll let him have that as his toy.. Both of our cars are PIF!WOOT! We will widdle down the bike this year and pay off the rainbow soon… The medical bills are a whole different arguement…

    Post # 10
    Member
    4519 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    This is a huge problem. His spending is totally irresponsible, which might have been ok when he was single, but now his actions affect you, too.

    I would have a really serious talk with him if I were you, and honestly, I wouldn’t move forward with wedding planning until he gets his spending under control. This is the kind of thing that can ruin a marriage and totally derail your lives. 

    And for what it’s worth, we have $0 consumer debt, no mortgage, no car loan, but I personally have a butt load of student loans. 🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    269 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Oh, dear lord! We are heavily in debt but it’s all student debt because we both have advanced degrees. But that is totally different than 100k in consumer debt. I would be seriously concerned about his ability to handle money if he’s blowing through money he doesn’t have in this way!

    Post # 13
    Member
    3968 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @hiroshymatetrastar:  Yeah, but that was an emergency! This was not your Fiance taking a 5,000 dollar vacay on credit! lol

    Post # 15
    Member
    10574 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @fivemonthsnotice:  If you view any type of debt as bad, why did you buy a car that you couldn’t pay for immediately?

    If my Fiance had 100k of debt, I wouldn’t be happy, I’m surprised you didn’t already discuss this though.

    I understand being upset, but think you are being slightly harsh.  You say that both of you needed a car, and bought one you couldn’t pay for.  His own car loan is less than the joint one.  Did you guys need 2 cars?

    I don’t think you should take away his cards, but you need to discuss how you view finances, goals, etc.  Maybe he wants to eliminate his debt but could use a little help.

     

    As for your question, right now we have no debt, but we’ll probably have around 300k of debt in the next year or so.  I don’t view buying a house as bad debt.

    Post # 16
    Member
    4099 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @fivemonthsnotice:  BTW, Didn’t mean to avoid your sich.. I really hope you two can hash it out, figure out something to make things work out for you? Have you tried putting him and yourself (though you sound like you have yourself under control) on a budget until he gets his debt under control (like no more season tickets, concerts, expensive dinners etc??)

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