(Closed) Just found out FI is in a load of debt. Now what?

posted 9 years ago in Money
  • poll: How much debt will you and your FI carry (NOT including mortgages)

    Nothing-we are debt free!

    $10,000 or less

    $10,000-$20,000

    $20,000-$30,000

    $30,000-$40,000

    $40,000-$50,000

    $50,000-$60,000

    $60,000-$75,000

    $75,000-$100,000

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1136 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    This would be a huge red flag me. I’m incredibly financially conservative (I’m pretty obsessive about money), so there is no way I would be willing to commit until he changed his ways. IMO that type of spending is very irresponsible, and could lead to huge problems in your marriage (considering financial issues are one of the leading causes of divorce).

    Post # 18
    Member
    2413 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @love108:  OOH I know, but the medical debt could have been considerably less if he would have paid his treatment out of pocket, rather than landing in the hospital for a week >,<

    Post # 19
    Member
    2015 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We have around $80K, but it’s mostly student loans. I owe around $4K on my car. We could pay it off sooner, but it doesn’t make financial sense, since you get charged the interest regardless of when you pay it off.

    I think maybe you two should talk to someone- a financial advisor maybe? Does he realize that this is irresponsible, or does he plan to continue on this path?

    Post # 20
    Member
    2560 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Been thinking this over more. How are you affording the wedding? Is that on credit too? Regardless, if I were you (in this situation) I would be postponing, just for my sanity.
    ETA:SO has 45k in student loans (he puts money towards them every month even though they’re not collecting yet because he’s still in school– but funded now), I have about 20k, though my grandparents are helping me reduce that. No CC debt, no mortgage yet, no car loan yet (will need one the end of this year, though, but I don’t anticipate it being more than 5-6k).

    Post # 21
    Member
    7382 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @fivemonthsnotice:  No, you don’t have to assume his debt.  Be careful about what accounts you make as joint.  You may want to get a prenup, just to cover yourself.  You can apply for a mortgage yourself, but then his salary won’t be taken into account.

    Post # 23
    Member
    2560 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @fivemonthsnotice:  I would get a prenup, absolutely. I would totally cut his cards, too. If he freaks at that, I think you’ll see that he truly doesn’t understand the seriousness of this!

    Post # 24
    Member
    3282 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @fivemonthsnotice:  You mention having a business together and buying a house. I’m referring to the fact that if he at some point, can no longer pay back his debt, collectors will come after his assets. Which I assume would include the house and business. And I’d be very leery of combining any accounts at this point. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    3282 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @fivemonthsnotice:  I *believe* cancelling credit card accounts actually really hurts your credit. So I think I would just hide them instead.

    Post # 27
    Member
    7960 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @fivemonthsnotice:  wow, i would be pretty upset too if i found out about all of that debt.  why would he keep that from you?  i hope you don’t take offense to this but you may want to consider a prenup before getting married.  there is no way he will have that paid off and you need to protect yourself and your children if, heaven forbid, anything happens.

    we personally have zero debt and mortgage free.  i was taught to only buy something when you have the money for it and the only debt should be a mortgage because it’s an investment.  i think student loans are ok too b/c they are an investment into your career.  luckily when i went to school, i had the cash for it.

    Post # 29
    Member
    7382 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    The first thing would be to calm down before the conversation and do your best to stay calm.

    I would want to know how and why the debt was accrued.  Did he just figure it would be paid off later, was he ignoring it, why did he feel the need to buy certain things.

    Find out how he feels about debt.  Some people are very adverse, some aren’t.  He also may view it differently coming out of a divorce, and now starting a new marriage.

    Is he willing to make sacrifices to pay it off?  Are you?

    What will he feel like needs to be paid off in the future and what can be put on credit.

    Is he willing to stop using his cards, or at least limiting them for certain purchases.

    What are his future financial plans and goals.

     

    HOpefully that gives you a good starting point.

    Post # 30
    Member
    712 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We have $25K, all FI’s and all student loans.

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