(Closed) Just found out FI is in a load of debt. Now what?

posted 9 years ago in Money
  • poll: How much debt will you and your FI carry (NOT including mortgages)

    Nothing-we are debt free!

    $10,000 or less

    $10,000-$20,000

    $20,000-$30,000

    $30,000-$40,000

    $40,000-$50,000

    $50,000-$60,000

    $60,000-$75,000

    $75,000-$100,000

  • Post # 92
    Member
    995 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @fivemonthsnotice:  I’m sorry but I don’t think you are being reasonable–asking if you can take his cards–he’s an adult….and he is not carrying an unusual amount of debt for his income level—or at least it doesn’t seem like it

    I read through and saw that part of the debt was accrued while supporting his mother–that to me would be a problem. It’s nice to help out your mother if you have the means-but she should NOT have encouraged him to wrack up debt with interest in order to ‘take care’ of her—I would worry that this sort of behavior would continue

    People finance cars…that is a normal thing to do….

     

    If you don’t want a joint account that is just fine…but you can’t expect to tell a grown man that he can’t use a credit card or finance a car

     

    Why don’t you set aside $ for your goals and you can both pay into it? 

     

    As far as I’m concerned–I have a couple k in cc debt–student loans (ugh)–fiance has a car loan with about 15k left on it

    Post # 93
    Member
    213 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’d go see a credit counselor. If he’s not willing to go with you, at least go find out what you’ll be responsible for after the marriage. Anything in his name should be his debt and not affect you, but I wouldn’t sign any financial papers with both your names on them until he gets his debt paid off. Maybe some sort of paperwork needs to be drawn up beforehand to protect yourself and your children.

    Post # 94
    Member
    76 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I can tell you that money is one of the biggest points of contention in relationships. Differing attitudes on money, and how to spend it, account for more divorces than infidelity. I would have a serious talk with him. If he is committed to the relationship he should be willing to do his part to get a handle on this debt…like sell the camaro. Just my opinion…

    Post # 95
    Member
    1301 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would postpone the marriage until there is an aggressive plan in place to get this paid back, plus 3-4 months’ track record of sticking to the plan.  This is especially important if you have kids.  And even then I would still get some sort of prenup.  This is the sort of thing that can really devastate your life.  If your fiance loves you and is smart about this, he will make sure that you are protected against that happening.

    Post # 96
    Member
    14093 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We will have quite a bit of student loan debt when we get married — he went to a top tier law school and I went to a very expensive grad school, so we’ve definitely got that – but NONE of it is consumer, and if it was, I’d be really upset by it.  When we first moved in together though, we pulled out all of our bank statements, loan statements, credit card statements, and any other assets/liabilities so we were on the same page.

    I think you need to sit down with your Fiance and figure out all your finances.  Credit counseling, working with the bank, and anything else you can do.  I’d also be hesitant to attach your name to anything of his, because then you could be liable for the debt, too!

    Post # 97
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would consider meeting with a financial planner.  FI has $35,000 in student loans (which is actually amazingly low considering he went to a fabulous private university and to business school).  We’re meeting with a lady who is helping us lay out a budget based on our income and debt and our priorities for saving for retirement, standard of living, future children, etc.

    An unbiased outsider may really help you both adjust to the reality of your situation and plan for how to get Fiance out of debt, and help your Fiance think through WHY he is compelled to spend money he doesn’t have.

    Post # 98
    Member
    871 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I have my car and my University debt. around $20,000. Together we have our home and its renovatons.

    Post # 102
    Member
    502 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We owe $218,000 on our mortgage, over the next 30 years. I owe about $12 or $13k on my car. Other than that, we don’t have any cc debt, or student loan debt.

    Honestly, I would definely postpone the wedding. I’m assuming that you guys have been together for some time since you have a business together… With that assumption being made, what else is he hiding from you, or not being forthcoming about? The ONLY way I would move forward with things is if he gets on some sort of strict budget/set plan for debt elimination. I don’t really like the guy, but he’s some sort of money guru that has a radio talk show. His name is Dave Ramsey. He has some good ideas, but just don’t like his personality. I wouldn’t be able to move forward with the relationship until you guys make a solid plan, and you can see that he is abiding by the plan for debt reduction. I agree with a previous poster that a good point to consider is that money is one of the top divorce reasons…

    I’m really sorry that you’re having to go through this!!

    Post # 103
    Member
    720 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @fivemonthsnotice:  Then you have your answer.  An honest conversation, an evening spent going over your bank accounts and putting a budget in place, sticking to said budget, and, if you’re both up for it, premarital counseling.  I know it sounds like a lot, but just take it one step at a time.  The vows say for richer and for poorer…but that deosn’t mean you shouldn’t both do everything you can to stay in the black.  

    Post # 104
    Member
    543 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    We have over $60,000 because of my student loans. Without those, I would say around $5,000 or less.

    Post # 105
    Member
    317 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    This part of your original post concerned me more than the debt itself:

    He is also not a typical “provider”…he doesn’t like to work and I know he is a bit lazy in his work style. I have to kinda kick his butt all the time to do work and this is a whole other argument. I do not want to be left supporting him, I have enough on my plate, and his lifestyle and attitude sometimes makes me think maybe he was better off being some 60 year old lady’s boytoy, instead of my future Hubbie.

    Debt can be worked out and paid off, but you don’t want to have to be someone’s mother and remind them to be motivated. Not many people “like” to work, but as a spouse and a business partner, it sounds like he doesn’t pull his weight.

    Post # 106
    Member
    102 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I have £3000 of student debt left and that’s it. Our mortgage is 100k but manageable. Your Fiance sounds a lot like someone I know who has always been bailed out. But it is possible to turn it around. A friend’s mother runs the all their finances and gives his father £100 a week pocket money. He prefers it as he can’t say no to debt and this gives him clear limits. Maybe worth a thought?

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