(Closed) Just found out FI is in a load of debt. Now what?

posted 9 years ago in Money
  • poll: How much debt will you and your FI carry (NOT including mortgages)
    Nothing-we are debt free! : (95 votes)
    23 %
    $10,000 or less : (90 votes)
    22 %
    $10,000-$20,000 : (55 votes)
    13 %
    $20,000-$30,000 : (40 votes)
    10 %
    $30,000-$40,000 : (17 votes)
    4 %
    $40,000-$50,000 : (17 votes)
    4 %
    $50,000-$60,000 : (20 votes)
    5 %
    $60,000-$75,000 : (20 votes)
    5 %
    $75,000-$100,000 : (18 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 107
    254 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    According to attorney’s I have talked with as long as you do not refinance, none of his debts will become your responsibility. Fiance has almost $60K in debt and I have none. But that will stay his unless we refinance. 

    Post # 108
    263 posts
    Helper bee

    I found out my XH had tens of thousands of cc debt after he walked out. I couldn’t divorce him fast enough, haha. Fortunately I didn’t get stuck with any of it, because he was too dumb to talk to a lawyer. 


    View original reply
    @fivemonthsnotice:  You talk about signing a prenup so that if something happens, you don’t get hurt by his debt, but you also talk about digging him out of it. IMO, he needs to learn to be responsible. If I were in your shoes, and similarly resolved not to postpone the wedding, I would keep 100% separate finances until he gets this figured out, for himself. Otherwise I fear you’ll constantly be nannying his spending, to the detriment of your relationship. Buy the man a Dave Ramsey CD and let him clean up his mess.

    Post # 109
    1004 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I have considerable student loan debt, while Fiance will have paid his off in 2 years, and I feel so terrible about it. Granted, I will have a master’s degree by next spring, but debt is scary no matter how “good” it is. I would be very upset to learn that a SO had a load of consumer debt. 🙁 

    If he isn’t willing to live on a strict budget and work to get out of it I would not be able to marry him until there was a viable plan.

    Post # 110
    32 posts
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I have no debt, but my fiancee has over 200k because of this medical school, i dont freak out about it, but of course it would be way better if he didnt had any loans to pay.

    Post # 111
    827 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Depending on what your living situation is…I would delay your wedding because if he has a credit score problem you will take it on when you are married, so if you are planning on buying a house or a car or getting a loan or a new credit card it will be much more difficult for you if you marry someone with bad credit.

    Post # 112
    2319 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Pls do not marry this man until he starts acting responsible towards paying his debt. Sell the damn car. Cut your losses. Get a beater. Why must you guys ‘have to have’ a good car? And anyway, lots of ‘good’ cards even new ones do not guzzle gas or are pricey like a Camaro is. It’s literally ‘driving you into debt’.

    Suggest that he stay in a rented room or something. That ist he extreme case but he can really pay it down A LOT FASTER that way.

    Cut off cable if you have it. If you can’t, then cut the internet instead and find a Starbucks to go to or McDonalds for internet. Lol!

    Post # 113
    401 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2020

    My grad school debt is really the only debt we have ($60K). We’re working on paying off two vehicles right now and it’s been under a year since we got them. We have an extremely low cost of living, about $1.5K a month with both of us making over 6 figures combined.

    We figured once we get the cars done we’ll work on adding a bathroom to our section of the home and perhaps start planning for the wedding. We haven’t talked about a wedding and probably won’t until the cars are paid off (most likely by the end of the year). Even then, I wouldn’t be surprised if he suggested to wait until our school loans are paid off (probably 2 years and I’m willing to wait).

    We’re accomplishing this mainly because we live with family members. His mother and brother are single. His mother is a nurse (easily 6 figures) and his brother is a high school teacher (about $60-70K salary). We all work and rarely see each other, and they’re amicable and respect our privacy. We’re doing it “Asian” style, so this approach really helps us get ahead. Each month we’re able to push $4K towards the debts we currently have. We never pay minimum.

    Also, school debt is flexible. We were both able to defer payment due to my finding a job and using the income-based payment plan. I don’t have to worry about it until next year, but we are planning to start attacking it in the fall.

    Post # 115
    10627 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    View original reply
    @fivemonthsnotice:  I haven’t gone back and read everything since I was last here, so I could be a little off.  Feeling a bit guarded right now seems normal to me.

    I think when many bees tell you to call off/postpone the wedding, it’s because that’s what they would do.  It’s how many give advice.  For me, financial security is a high priority.  I would have issues entering a marriage with someone I didn’t completely trust to have all assests/debts as joint.  I would have to have a serious conversation if my SO had debt and having something sprung on me like that would cause me to have major doubts.  For some people, this wouldn’t be as huge of an issue as it is to me, or they would be more compromising on that and I recognize that.  When giving advice to others, if it is what I would do I try to directly state that, but not everyone does this.

    It sounds like your conversation went quite well.  It also sounds like he’s taking great steps to go about fixing the problems.  Keep up the conversations, and hopefully it can be a part of general discussion between the two of you and not a ‘he caused a problem and now you need a solution’ type of feeling.

    Post # 116
    51 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My Fiance is bringing some debt into our marriage because he used to live with his parents until he moved in with me about a year ago.  We have a plan to help pay his things down within a few years, but it is a pain because he is so stubborn about letting me help because it is “his mess”(I am more concerned with making sure my credit doesn’t get ruined after we marry next year).

    Has your FI stopped the frivilous spending yet, or does he continue to spend as he wants?  I would definitely get a pre-nup, specifying what his debts are so that you don’t get saddled with it later(in case things don’t work out.  My cousin found this out the hard way right before his 2nd anniversary).  Also, working in the credit industry, don’t co-sign anything with him, if possible.  I don’t know how you guys have the business set up(sole prop, LLC, LLP, SCorp, etc), but I would definitely consult an attorney just in case to make sure that you are both protected in case something happens with his credit so that it doesn’t affect the business.

    Good luck!!

    Post # 117
    3574 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    @fivemonthsnotice:  That’s awesome.  Not about him feeling bad, but him taking proactive steps to be responsible.  And wow, mom, thanks for the support.  *eyeroll*

    Good luck and keep us posted.  🙂

    Post # 118
    2161 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    How did he not know he owes that much money?   He should have told you that BEFORE he bought a BRAND NEW car.   What kind of car did you get for $35,000?   It sounds like you both are responsible for that decision.

    I honestly would out everything on hold until you meet with a financial advisor.   You are going to have to sell his car.  You are probably going to have to accept the fact that you will either need to buckle down and pay ~$800/month for about 10 years and not add any more debt.


    edit-  I just saw your last update.  It sounds like you are on the right track, but please protect yourself and watch carefully for spending that can be hidden.  It could be a bit of a compulsion of his and he may not be able to cut it out easily.   I would pull credit scores on him regularly (~6 months) so you can both track it.


    Post # 119
    4332 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    edit- apparently you don’t want people to tell you to leave him. never mind.

    The topic ‘Just found out FI is in a load of debt. Now what?’ is closed to new replies.

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