Post # 1
I am in a bit of a pickle with how to relay some information.
I just found out that due to heightened Homeland Security measures, no gifts will be allowed at my venue. I do not want to print this on the invitations since I think that might be tacky, but am not sure how we can relay the information.
I was thinking of printing a small insert saying something along the lines of “due to heightened Homeland Security, envelopes only allowed at <venue>. For more information please refer to <wedding website>” where I have a page offering specifics.
My mom thinks we should have someone waiting with a car that can be loaded up with the gifts locked inside and just not mention anything. That sounds like it’s begging for a break-in to me but I do like that there is no “assumption” that gifts will be provided.
Realistically, we won’t have a huge registry anyways – we both have two fully furnished houses, so the less stuff people give us is the less stuff I have to move or sell of my own later. However, that does not mean that I want my family and friends’ generosity to be “taken off my hands” so to speak.
Does my approach for communicating it sound reasonable? We have spent way too much to change venues at this point and nothing in the contract would be breached by saying that gifts are not allowed onsite.
This just feels tacky as all heck and I am having trouble finding a way to make it less tacky.
Post # 2
Consultette: I like your mom’s approach, have the guestbook and gift table just outside the venue and load them into a car to sit during the wedding. I wiuldn’t worry about breakins much more than any time you leave your car, especially if you’re at the kind of venue that changes policy based on Homeland Security!
Post # 3
I think by saying “envelopes only” it makes it sound like a cash-grab and people may not believe you and just think it’s tacky.
Could you maybe get the word out and if people are planning on bringing along boxed gifts, request that they send them to your house instead (or arrange for someone to pick them up)? Or possibly hire a secure van and put the gifts in there? If you’re concerned about theft, does anyone you know live nearby where the gifts can be dropped off by a family member once they’re all received?
Post # 4
Maybe include a card saying due to homeland security restrictions, no gifts larger than envelopes are permitted in the venue. For those who wish to give gifts beyond that of a card please either have it shipped to xyz, or you are welcome to visit us at our home before or after our wedding.
Post # 5
Consultette: congrats! May I ask what type of venue you are marrying at that homeland security is involved? Could it be a plane hanger? That would be awesome!
Did you register? Maybe not registering for physical items would help. Perhaps a Honeymoon fund online so people wouldn’t have anything physical to bring besides a card? Or, if you are having a shower, perhaps you can mention that gifts at the venue will be tricky, so if they want to get you a box full of goods they can bring them to the shower or send them to one of your addresses. On that note maybe make a website and mention the prediciment on there? I, too, dislike mention of gifts on the wedding invite. That’s sort of silly to me…
We didn’t register, and got married by the justice and coincidentally received all cash gifts except for a bible, crucifix, and religious wall art piece. Pretty hilarious to my Darling Husband and I 😉 Best of luck!
Post # 6
If gifts aren’t allowed for homeland security reasons, aren’t there other kinds of restrictions as well? For example, are bags bigger than a certain size not allowed? Will guests have to go through metal detectors or have their bags searched? It seems strange that the only rule is no gift boxes.
My thinking is that if there are other things that guests will have to deal with, you could approach it as “we regret that items larger than a 12″ x 12″ will be not be permitted in the premises/will be subject to search” or whatever, and then they’ll realize that they can’t be bringing in a giftbox larger than 12″.
Post # 7
Make a note on your website, in case some does read it. Is there a venue site Cordinator? Have they made suggtions what people have done? Because if no boxed gifts allowed due to security I automaticlay read then why would they allow boxes to sit in a car out side ? Just as dangerous ..
But the car is a good idea other wise. Do ask the site manager if they have suggestions.
Do try to avoid the fau pa in the invite. hopefully your gifts will come via showers or people will send gifts to your home ahead of time. Maybe thru conversation your family and friends can mention have pretty and exciting the venue will be but oh my they have tight securit because blah blah blah…activate the gossipe grapevine girl.
Post # 8
I’d spread the info by word of mouth (not in a gift grabbing sense, but more like – “wanna hear the strange rule my venue has!”) and use your mom’s car idea for backup.
Post # 9
When a venue has particular rules that may affect your guests, etiquette certainly allows you to pass on that information. You maintain propriety by first, speaking on behalf of your venue and not on behalf of yourself; and second, by avoiding making any assumptions about your guests and simply conveying the information.
In this case, you simply insert a card that states “Thus-and-so Venue policy does not allow guests to bring packages, parcels and larger bags into the venue.” You do not presume that the packages they are carrying are gifts — they might be carrying a shopping bag with their galoshes in it to be worn out to the parking lot, for all you know. Just let your guests know that they cannot bring them in, and your clever guests will figure out an alternate way to get you any gifts they want to give you.
Post # 10
TheGridMonster: That’s a great point. They did not tell me that but I hadn’t thought to ask when the information was relayed to me. I should definitely ask them tomorrow in the event it impacts more than just boxes or potential hand screening. This could have other impacts we know nothing about right now and it would be courteous to let my guests know with as much notice as possible and have some potential solutions.
Brook10: I’m getting married in a gorgeous harbor at sunset. I can’t help but laugh that of course I am the only person I know whose wedding has a government agency dictating what they can and cannot do.
We have a major port of entry 30 miles up the coast and a major military facility about 40 miles south along the coast so perhaps there is some heightened concern there which is having other ramifications for my wedding.
Luckily, the venue is gorgeous and our families are excited to see it… So hopefully that will make up for any minor inconveniences.
Post # 11
Are you sure that it is no gifts, and not no wrapped gifts? if it is a boat/cruise ship it is generally no wrapped gifts, and it is perfectly fine to indicate on the info card or weddimg website that “due to DHS regulations, wrapped gifts are not permitted. wrapped gifts may be forwarded to (whatever your address).” You can also ask the venue if they have a boathouse, information booth, whatever, where gifts can be collected and somewhere secure to store them.
Post # 12
Horseradish: The weird thing is the boats are allowed to have gifts onboard. I get the sense that this is something else and some sort of other security concern with the waterways and our being on the boat on that day. Not a ton of information was given but I also got the impression it was the sort of detail that wouldn’t be able to be given if I asked.
Post # 13
Thanks girls, y’all have given me some good follow-up questions I hadn’t even thought to ask. I should follow up on them before I really know what is/is not feasible. At the time I was more like “oh, ok” and thinking “$*it, how am I going to tell people this”. The honeymoon registry sounds like a good alternative, however I travel so much for work that we were planning on using my points for a great honeymoon.