(Closed) Just Found Out Husband Betrayed Me (Long – New Bee)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 91
3874 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
avis:  You have a young daughter to worry about. Get the hell out of that house. Make copies, get a lawyer, seek an anulment. I would leave immediately if you can. That is beyond disgusting. Gross, gross, gross. 

Post # 92
139 posts
Blushing bee

Oh God I’m so sorry.  I agree with everyone that you need to get that evidence out of the house and into a safe place he has no access to ASAP. 

Post # 93
588 posts
Busy bee

Can you send your daughter to her dads or a grandparents for a week while you sort things out? (a “special vacation”?) If you have combined finances, set up an account in your name only and try to put a month or two of survival money in there that he can’t touch(money for rent or hotel room, phone bill, food, lawyer bills if you can). Like PPs said, photocopy everything and get yourself to a lawyer. Pack a bag (or pack his stuff) and leave a usb drive with the threesome and the box of her…uh, “goodies” with it outside. Either pack up and leave, or put his stuff outside.

Post # 94
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse

First of all you can’t snoop in your own house so don’t even worry about that.  And definitely get copies of everything!

Cut your losses and also get tested ASAP for STDS and your next stop should be a lawyer! 

Post # 96
575 posts
Busy bee

OP,  you know what? I am not even a little bit worried about you. You clearly have the inner strength of the Hulk to even be thinking clearly in this situation, never mind acting in such a rational manner. Your kids are DAMN lucky to have such an emotional tank of a mother. 

Post # 97
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Soooo sorry you are going through this! Stay strong!

Post # 98
102 posts
Blushing bee

I second what OhioBride 990 says, I could never move on from this And maintain the marriage. Can you get some evidence for the divorce proceedings? Not sure if you’ll need “proof”. I’m sorry yout are going through this! 🙁

Post # 99
737 posts
Busy bee

Stay strong, OP!  Regarding what to tell your daughter – I’d be vague for now and maybe consult a therapist, or go together.  That is really heavy stuff for a teenager.  What she needs to see is her mom is strong and will get through this. Though strong you don’t have to be stoic, its okay to be vulnerable and emotion and feel things right now.  I’m sure the lawyer will have good advice for you tomorrow.  Good luck.

Post # 100
9416 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Hey OP.  I just wanted to chime in and show you some more support.  What you’re going through sounds terrible–particularily because you have daughters.  I’m so glad that at least he didnt make any moves on them.

You’re 100% right to be out of that house, and already in contact with your attorney.  Whether you need the box of evidence or not is unclear… I was under the impression that it doesn’t change a thing if you have evidence of infidelity or not, but your attorney will know best.  Either way, you can send that pile of crap to his mom or something, if you’re feeling really vindictive.. or throw it down a gutter if you’re feeling less so. (Just make sure not to do any of that until after the divorce is finalized.. don’t give them ammo!)

As for your 16 year old.  I think you can choose what you want to say.  The fact that he is in to 3-ways/orgies is a detail that doesn’t really change the narrative.  You can include it, if you want, but if you tell her simply that you found evidence of him cheating on you with several other people, that’s enough for her to understand he’s a scumbag and why you need out right now.  

Also, like PPs have said.. get an STD check now, and get one again in a couple months.  The people at the clinic will tell you when to come back for another check–again, you can just tell them you found out your husband was having multiple affairs, and you don’t know what you may have or when you may have contracted it.  They’ll be able to tell you how long you need to wait and retest to be absolutely sure you’re clean.


Post # 101
3109 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I have no advice, it sounds like you’re doing everything you can. Just hang in there, I can’t imagine what you are going through, I’m so sorry! Stay strong. 

Post # 102
2585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry you’re going through this. I am all for people having adventurous sex lives (well except the whole mother/daughter thing… that really grosses me out), but to be doing this shit while in a committed relationship, particularly one with children involved, is unforgivable. You’ve gotten a lot of good advice on this board and I really hope things go as smoothly as possible for you while you’re moving on from this man. Good luck!

P.S. I wouldn’t go into too much detail with your 16 year old, aside from saying he cheated on you. My mom shared a lot of stuff with me as a teenager that I really didn’t need to know at that age, and I don’t think it’s fair to get kids that involved. I’d wait to talk in detail with her, if she asks, when she’s an adult. That’s just my perspective anyway, you know her best. 

Post # 103
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

wow, I feel so bad for you!

Post # 104
521 posts
Busy bee

Leave now and don’t look back. 

Post # 105
3082 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
avis:  aw honey… BIG HUGS!

I have read all your updates and i also agree that you are being a fantastic role model to your daughters. Yes, you were dooped – that happens. But you have enough self respect for yourself to get out immediately. That is truly a feat! Please dont be embarrassed.

That is great that you got the box out and are meeting with your lawyer tomorrow. Please update us and let us know what the lawyer says! But for tonight… man i think what i would do is answer the phone briefly (or even text) when he starts asking where you are and just say

“I will not be coming home. We are done. I know the truth and il be seeing my lawyer in the morning. I will be turning off my phone so please do not try to contact me” 


and then get advice from the lawyer on how to proceed with further contact. 

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