(Closed) Just found out I am pregnant and it feels like the worst day of my life

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 137
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My sister got pregnant at 21. She had always said that she NEVER wanted to have children. In fact, her Fiance was told that he would never be able to have kids. They were together for 6 years (they started dating in highschool) …so it was a committed relationship. And when she found out she was pregnant she was really surprised and so was her Fiance bc they had acceptand and planned on NOT having kids. Well that all changed… She loves being a mom and says that her daughter is the best thing that has ever happens to her and her Fiance.

Whatever you decide, it won’t be easy. But you will get through it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 138
Member
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

@Mrs. Candy Apple:  I may have missed it, but I have not seen anyone “encourage” the OP to get an abortion OR attack any idea of her keeping it if that is what she wanted to do. They have said they support her choice, whatever it is, and clarified that abortion IS an option and provided information since the OP herself said she was considering abortion.

On the other hand, there have been bees who have told her that because she did not use birth control (which was a total assumption) she ought to take “responsibility” by having the child, or told her they were sad she was considering abortion when they themselves are trying to TTC, or that people regret abortions but don’t regret having children.  So yes, I am going tell people that is completely inappropriate, judgmental, and/or false.

Post # 139
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011 - St. Joseph's Parish, Seattle Tennis Club

@RayKay:  That’s true, and I agree that those posts are out of line. 

ETA – Also, you’re right that ‘encourage’ was a poor choice of words. My point, however, was mainly that I hoped this thread wouldn’t devolve into some political discussion/argument. We need to support the OP at this point ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 140
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

trying to understand what happened in the situation (meaning what type of BC failed or what lead to this pregnancy making the OP’s day the worst day of her life) & asking what could be done to prevent it in the future does not make someone a troll.  i didn’t know the OP made this post seeking sympathy only.  this is an internet message board and all people are not going to have the same opinion.

Post # 141
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@itsmle:  Good for you for choosing not to bring a child into the world when you didn’t want one at the time, and you weren’t ready for it. So often women go through with the pregnancy against their better judgment. It takes strength to do what’s right for you since there is so much judgment. 

OP, do what’s right for you, even if your SO is not on board. Sadly, SO’s leave or may pass away, etc. You could find yourself a single parent. This is YOUR decision, and no one elses.

Post # 142
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@GypsyLove:  Well she sure as heck didn’t start the post to be lectured by you. I wouldn’t call it trolling, I’d call it thread-jacking. Either way, it’s rude.

 

@FutureMrsRoos:  As PP have said, this decision is yours though I’m sorry you have to make it. It’s not fun. And I’m sorry that people have used a thread where you simply asked for advice and support to try and shame you and as a platform to shout their political views. Whatever your decision, research it carefully. If you choose to terminate, research the laws on that in your area as well as reputable clinics and doctors. Then I’d join an online support group such as i’mnotsorry. Should you choose to continue with the pregnancy, make sure and look up the resources available in your area that accomodate “single” mothers, talk to you Fiance about moving the wedding up or back, and find out your workplace’s policy on pregnancy, maternity leave, insurance, etc. I wish you all the best.

Post # 143
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@GypsyLove: 

Ah, but see – it’s not as though you were all, “Oh, hun, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.  Were you using birth control at the time? If not, I’m sure you’re going to want to look into it after you decide what path you want to take regarding this situation here & now.  But, if you were, and your birth control failed, research and see whether there is a bc that would be more effective for you, talk with your doctor, etc.”

Nope, you just assumed that she wasn’t taking bc and insulted her. Not helpful, not wanted, not appropriate. 

 

Post # 144
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had an abortion when I was 20 and I wasn’t sorry. I wasn’t ready in the slightest. Others have a baby and they’re not sorry. It is, and should remain, a choice. I’m so sorry you are having a hard time. I wish you the best of luck with whatever choice you make!

Post # 145
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

I don’t think that someone messing up with their chosen method of BC warrants anyone being advised to live with their MISTAKE and follow a path that will have life-changing effects-whether they end up being good or bad. We are all human and accidents happen. We learn from them but that shouldn’t mean having to go down a lifelong path ‘just because’. That kind of ‘rationale’  puts a whole load of babies into the world to parents who can’t/don’t want to care for them and the ultimate losers will be the babies themselves!!

OK, I am biased with this in that I made the decision not to continue with a pregnancy even though I was 26, in a longterm steady relationship, had a well paid job, owned a house. Ok on paper, sure why not? Because I just WASN’T READY. Neither of us were. We were still too young, too selfish and I personally have a WHOLE lot to do before I want to have children. I went through SO many emotions when making the decision, but ultimately I came to my decision (despite my DR being totally inappropriate and telling me that all babies are gifts blah blah, but that is another story!) and 1 year on it was totally the right decision, for me and for my SO. 

And for the record I have suffered no ill effects, physically or emotionally/mentlly.

OP, good luck with making your decision. Whatever you choose will be the right thing and try not to ever wonder ‘what if’. Just remember you aren’t alone ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 146
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@GypsyLove:  I don’t think you understand probability, statistics and the myriad of variables that made her situation the 1-5% who get pregnant with proper use of the BC method (whatever it was). Just because you didn’t get pregnant doesn’t mean others can’t. And who said she was going to “continue to do the same thing”?!

@DrTeeth:  lol at the username comment.

Post # 147
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@sept22insf:  It was only a matter of time before it was moderated, which I fully expected. ๐Ÿ˜›  Along with a whole lot of everything else it looks like.  

Post # 148
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Well it’s a real shame that my post was moderated for snark – because there is more evidence of insulting and attacking the OP under the guise of moral outrage… but apparently that is ok here at WeddingBee.  What an awesome and supportive bunch of women.

 

 

Post # 149
Member
23593 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Okay everyone, since it looks like this thread has run its course, I’m going to close this thread.  We’d like to wish the OP the best of luck – you’re welcome to start a new thread to update us on what happens if you’d like!

The topic ‘Just found out I am pregnant and it feels like the worst day of my life’ is closed to new replies.

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