(Closed) Just found out I am pregnant and it feels like the worst day of my life

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@fiver:  Depends on the type of adoption you do. If you do a private adoption you find someone before you have the baby.. I was just saying if there is hesitation about the abortion then its another option. I personally am very pro-life.. but I am not her and cannot make her decision for her (and do not push my views on others).

Post # 78
Member
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

@mrshunnybunches:  I read “the damn post”, thanks. 

Like I said, good for you if that would be your personal choice. But since you are “dittoing” a poster who said this:

I’m going to get a lot of hell for saying this, but if you didn’t use protection and ended up pregnant, I think the best thing you should do is be responsible for it. Now I’m not anti-abortion (everyone is entitled to what they think is right), but I think if you are adult enough to have sex without protection/contraception then you should be adult enough to face the responsibilty, and I’m basing this on the super short post with no details.

And then yourself added this:

Yeah, I was thinking that too… I am staunchly pro-choice, but if you are in a solid, healthy relationship with good jobs, then I personally wouldn’t get an abortion

What else am I to take from that except that if one did not use protection, and is in a solid healthy relationship, and has a good job, they better keep that baby?

How is that “staunchly pro-choice” if you are telling others in what circumstances they should or should not choose abortion and what they should do AT ALL? Pro-choice is just that, pro-choice. Not pro-choice depending on certain circumstances that you think are appropriate. 

It is great that you gave a child up for adoption and are comfortable with that choice. My best friend did the same as a teenager and it was a difficult path for her, and not her first choice.  Adoption is not an alternative to abortion though in my view, it is an alternative to parenthood.  Adoption still requires one to continue the pregnancy, give birth and so on, and for a lot of people that is not a choice that works for them “instead” of abortion and it comes with its own complications, emotions, and other issues. 

Post # 79
Member
526 posts
Busy bee

@RayKay:  This is an inappropriate place to have a discussion like this.  If you seriously have a problem with what I said, you need to message me.

Post # 80
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@tiedtogetherwithasmile:  I can’t imagine how you felt this was a helpful thing to say.

 

@FutureMrsRoos:  This is a terrible, terrible situation to be in. An unplanned pregnancy is never easy, whether you’re in a relationship or single and regardless of your financial situation.

If you choose to carry your pregnancy to term and raise the child, there are a number of options that can help you and your fiance out, as other posters have mentioned (our parental leave coverage, which can be shared with your partner if you like so it’s not a full loss of your income, childcare benefit of $100/month, the child tax benefits which aren’t huge but are certainly a help). In addition, at your age, you’ll likely still qualify for various ‘young parents’ support groups and organizations, some of which give some help in terms of baby supplies, childcare, and social/emotional support. I personally ended up continuing my unplanned pregnancy and these resources were really invaluable in getting me on my feet and making the best of what happened.

If you choose to terminate the pregnancy, depending on your province of residence, it can be fairly straight forward. Some PPs have posted great resources for support when considering termination and after a termination; I really encourage you to seek whatever support you need – and encourage for your fiance to do the same.

This decision is yours. Your fiance’s opinion should of course be heard and valued, but the choice to be a mother or not is yours. I wish you all the best.

Post # 81
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My heart goes out to you, this is not an easy situation to be in. To echo what others have said, you have got to do what’s right for you.

I will note however, just because other people were happy they chose to have a child from an unplanned pregnancy does not mean you will be. No mother, no matter how much she might regret her choice, is going to get on this message board and tell you she wished she’d had an abortion. You will love this baby if you chose to continue with this pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean you won’t wake up 10 years from now resenting the fact you put your life/career/marriage to the side because you got pregnant, even if you do love and cherish your child. 

And still to, you might regret an abortion. You are also probably going to get very few women (although probably more than in the situation described above) who tell you they regret not having the baby. And you might look back 10 years from now and long for the child you could have had and the happy family you, your Fiance and your baby would have been, even if you do know deep in your heart that you were not ready for a child and that having one would have been a mistake. 

Long and the short of it is you will never know what choice would have made you happier in future. Thus there is no “right” choice, just a choice. Keep that in mind.

Also, don’t let anyone guilt you into having a baby or having an abortion, especially do not guilt yourself. Don’t feel you SHOULD choose a certain way. Make a choice based on what makes the most sense for you right now, there really is nothing else you can do.

Post # 82
Member
203 posts
Helper bee

*Hugs* I’m sorry that you’re going through this.  Even though i’m 26, I know I’m not ready for a child right now and can imagine how upsetting it would be to have an unexpected pregnancy at this stage in my life.  

With that being said, my advice to you would be discuss this long and hard with your Fiance.  It is a decision that both of you need to feel 100% comfortable with.  I’ve met quite a few people who have regretted their abortion, but none who regret having their baby.

You may struggle a bit and it would probably be difficult, but keeping it might not be as bad as you are thinking.  Whatever choice you make is the best choice for you and your family, so don’t let anyone ever make you feel judged because of it.

Post # 83
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@ElleNLOVE:  I think the reason you have met those who regret an abortion but do not regret keeping the baby is because no one ever in their right mind would admit to anyone on this planet that they regret their child.  You may not regret having them after the fact because you fall in love with them, but I believe that there are women who regret what they didn’t get to do or what they sacrificed for the baby.  I don’t regret having my daughter, but I’m sure there are people who do.

Post # 84
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@lia22:  Exactly.

For the record, I have met many women who regret having their child.  It’s not a pretty thing to admit, but those women do exist.  And most of them are women who were pressured into keeping their child, either through parents and boyfriends, religious reasons or lack of resource.

Post # 85
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

Oh, this is so fresh to me. I had an abortion last week…

I have 2 children. They are my joy and my strength, so I KNOW what a blessing children are. I also know that I am not ready NOW to have another. My bf lives 350miles away. I am a single mom to 2 already. I CRIED when I saw the results. I was so scared. I couldn’t stop shaking. Not because it wasn’t an “ideal” time (there never is), but because now is a “bad” time to have a baby.

This isn’t a decision anyone can make for you, and I’m certainly not trying to do that. But, because it’s so recent with me, I’m here if you want to PM me.

Post # 86
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@lia22: I’m guessing you’ve never been on the TruMom Confessions site.  Plenty of women there seem to regret their children.  I’m not saying women don’t regret abortions in some cases, but it goes both ways.

Post # 87
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@karatechick27:  ok sorry, I am mistaken that people on a blog do admit such things, I was referring to the people she knew – I don’t think most women tell their friends and family they regret it.  It’s a hard thing to admit. I’m also not saying that people don’t, I’m saying they sometimes do and don’t talk about it.

I’m pro choice, I’m not at all saying people don’t regret either.  I’m saying that both sides do, but she needs to do what is right for her and that future child.

Post # 88
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@lia22 – I’m sorry…I totally directed that at the wrong person.  I apologize.  I meant to say that to ElleNLOVE.  

Post # 89
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.

It sucks to read things like this when I’ve been TTC nearing 6 months in the same age bracket. I’m sure things will be fine. Everything happens for a reason and this child will be a blessing to your life. Good luck!

Post # 90
Member
1233 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MissFormaldehyde:  

 

That is so inappropriate. This thread isn’t about you.

Post # 91
Member
203 posts
Helper bee

@lia22:  @karatechick27:  I said that I’ve never met anyone who regrets having their baby. That is my experience–I’m not saying they don’t exist.  I know that some wish they had waited, but I do not believe that any of the people I know wish that they could go back and abort their child, because they did fall in love with them.  Again, that is my experience.  I also know women who are thankful that they chose abortion.

As I told the OP in my response, it is her decision that she should thoroughly think through and no one should judge her for it.

The topic ‘Just found out I am pregnant and it feels like the worst day of my life’ is closed to new replies.

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