- 6 years ago
- Wedding: February 2012
So I got engaged mid march and was so excited to start the wedding planning, even posted on this site regarding how to plan one for around 5K.
Well, last week i found out that i am 5 weeks pregnant. I was, like many, in complete shock. This came out of nowhere and its so not the right time. I took about a million tests and even scheduled an appt with my dr the same day to run bloodwork and YEP, i am definately pregnant.
I called my fiance on the way back from the Dr’s and he went basllistic. He was so angry and all i could do was cry and tell him how sorry i was over and over. I missed TWO EFFING DAYS of birth control and the one in a million chance happened. He kept saying how irresponsible i was and how i should have told him that i missed two days and that this is my fault. He said he i would have told him i missed two days he would have made an effort to be safe. I didnt think two days was goin to do anything and i have missed two days before! I was so upset i even mentioned termination and that made him even MORE upset that i would even suggest it. ugh. I was so confused by his reaction, why wouldnt i suggest terminating! He kept saying, “look, im not UNHAPPY.. im just really disappointed in you”
I think that was like, the worst day of my life. Which is sad, because it should be a joyous time, right?
when i got into the house he gave me a big hug and said, “congratulations” with a smile on his face and we layed on the couch and just held each other. HUH?
Ever since that day, however, i have held so much resentment for how he treated me and i cant shake it. I never in my life thought that the man who wants to marry me would speak to me and treat me the way he did when i told him i was pregnant. Believe me, this is a shock for me and i battle feelings every day from wanting it, to not wanting it… wanting to be married, to not wanting to be married… feeling sad and feeling happy and just all over the place.
I dont have anyone to talk to as we are waiting until around 12weeks to let family know (he had an ex who miscarried at 8weeks and they told the wooorld and it was hard) so i just sit here with all this fear and worry. If anyting i thought at least i would have my fiances support and the only thing i have to worry about is the baby, but now, I worry about our relationship AND this new baby. I worry about his quickness to anger, i worry that he now looks at me as a disappointment, i worry that he now regrets asking me to marry him…
I finally broke down last night and told him how i was feeling and how hurt i was about his reaction and he mentioned that he regretted how he handled it. I then told him that i need support from him, not criticism. When i say im sad, i need him to just tell me “it will be okay” not, “I need you to get it together” ya know? I even forwarded him some links on how to support a pregnant wife. I just think its sad that i even have to send that to him… why is it so hard to just BE NICE??? I think he gets it… only time will tell.
He said he wants to get married at the JOP now, so that the baby will be born in wedlock and even talking about those plans makes me so sad. I was SO EXCITED to plan this wedding… and now we have to go to the JOP and find some way to tell fam and friends down the line what actually happened.
anyways, this was just a vent and im sure its the preggo hormones kicking in. I just wish i could talk to my mom right now… or any female right now who understands what i am going through. This is my first pregnancy (im at about 6 weeks now) and I just alone right now.