(Closed) Just found out I didn't get a job because of my wedding…?

posted 5 years ago in Career
  • poll: Should I leave my ring at home when I go on interviews from now on?
    Yes : (108 votes)
    65 %
    No : (57 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 3
    377 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    surely that is discrimination …

    Post # 4
    8453 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @PrincessBride27:  If you think that your ring is preventing you from finding work, then yes.  I wouldn’t be upset at the company, but at the situation.  I can understand why an employer wouldn’t want a new employee to be taking time off within the “probationary period” (usually 2-3 months for companies).

    Post # 5
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’m sorry this happened to you 🙁 I would be super pissed. Employers are not suppose to ask questions about your personal life in an interview. She should know she can’t ask about your marital status in an interview, that is super inappropriate and illegal.


    ETA: It’s technically illegal for an employer to ask about marital status in an interview, although I would hesitate to call this “discrimination” because “being engaged” is not a protected class.


    I say leave your ring at home from now on. It sucks, but people WILL make assumptions if they see it. When it comes to your personal life, you need to come off as neutral as possible while job hunting

    Post # 7
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would think so too

    Post # 8
    925 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @bouncybee:  +1

    That is not legal. Is there a way you can get her to put that in writing so that you have some proof (other than verbal/over the phone) that they discriminated against you?

    Post # 9
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @PrincessBride27:  I agree with PP, that’s ridiculous, especially if you never even brought up how much time you would need off, maybe you weren’t even going to need any time off, but they never asked.

    Post # 10
    2457 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I do think it’s really, really uncool of them; however, I don’t think it’s the “wedding” that’s the problem so much as they are probably assuming you’d be asking for a couple weeks off around that time. So, it seems like they don’t want to hire someone who will be taking a long vacation in just a couple months’ time. 

    I could be totally wrong. It could be that they’re worried you won’t focus on your job with the wedding coming up. Either way, it was unfair of them to assume either of those things, and is a ridiculous judgement to make.

    I’m sorry. 🙁 I wish there was something you could do to give them what for! As for wearing your ring to job interviews… personally, I would still wear it, if it were me. 

    Post # 11
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @bouncybee:  It’s not, though it’s a little surprising that they admitted to it.


    Employers have opinions about how employees behave leading up to a wedding, which may have had more to do with it than the actual days off or honeymoon. I’ve known many an employee who spends all her waking hours wedding planning, completely distracted from work. Not to say that you would do any of that, but it’s certainly an assumption employers have at times.


    I leave my ring at home during job interviews. I do not need anyone making any assumptions about me that will prevent me from getting the job. It sucks and it should not be that way, but it is sometimes. Why take the chance?




    Post # 12
    40 posts
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Pure BS. Definitely see if you can get something in writing. I would be fuming, especially since you didn’t bring it up. I’m sure youll find an even better job, though! 🙂

    Post # 13
    3572 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I am torn on this issue.  While I do think you would have a better shot at certain jobs if you do not wear a ring, I’m not sure those are the kind of people you would want to work for. 

    Post # 14
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I am married and actually take my engagement ring off for interviews. I feel like it can be distraction. I do everything I can to be as ambigous about my personal life and finances as possible, to prevent unfair judgement. This was information I had received from a few other people on their experiences. It’s rediculous, and yes could be seen as illegal…but people have a lot of tactics to find this stuff out, one way or another.

    At this point (I’m currently job hunting) I dont want to bring atttention to being married so that they wont’ think I’m on the baby train (even though I am) and use that as a reason not to hire me.

    We live in sucky judgey world. And unfortunately sometimes we have to play these dumb games.

    But I do believe in what is meant to be will be. So, this job wasn’t for you…I’m sure the job you do get will be even better!

    Post # 15
    293 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    The advice I was given is to leave off anything that identifies a relationship status or whether or not I have kids. They’ve done studies, and women are paid less when they’re known to be: (1) married/engaged or (2) a mother. Conversely, men are paid more when they’re known to be: (1) married/engaged or (2) a father. It’s sex discrimination, but it’s pretty easy to circumvent – just don’t talk about a boyfriend/fiance/husband/kids at all in the interview or at work, although once you have the job I think it’s ok to wear your engagement/wedding ring and have pictures of your kid – but it could affect promotions/raises.

    All the above is totally bogus and should be illegal, but try getting a court/jury/judge to agree with you on it and you’ll fail.

    Post # 16
    2490 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    It could be a mix of thinking you might need a bunch of time off for your wedding and also, they could be assuming that you will have babies soon and they don’t want to hire someone who will be taking time off for mat leave and then possibly have their focus on kids after.

    It is most definitely discrimination and totally unfair and wrong. Be glad that they admitted to it so that you never have to work there!

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