- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
A few days ago my husband got an e-mail from his mother. It was a huge long rant, and much of it was cruel accusations towards me. I always had the impression she was not fond of me, but my husband insisted that was just her personality. I am a big people pleaser, and have always tried really hard with his family. I always offer to help out, am as pleasant and polite as possible, and try hard to fit in. Her and her sister (they are inseparable) are the only ones that seem to have issues with me.
The e-mail accused me of being rude during my (FEBRUARY!) bridal shower, thrown by my aunt. She complained about having to attend prior to coming, and insisted her sisters and their kids be invited. They attended, and all sat together in the corner of the room away from other guests. They complained that I did not introduce them to people (though I would have had to parade people by their seats as they did not mingle) and that I ‘threw’ their present aside in favour of my mother’s. I hate opening presents in front of people and painstakingly made sure I read each card, and thanked each person individually, remarking on how much I liked their present and why we had wanted it. I know I did this with theirs. They then rudely complained to my aunt that she needed to serve the cake because the shower was too long and they wanted to leave.
She complained bitterly about our wedding. She said she felt like a ‘stranger’ and the rest of her family did too. She said my side was all ‘obscure people’. Their side actually outnumbered my side. I think this is because she tried to make my husband invite random guests that he did not want there. She complained that we didn’t allow her and her sisters to be involved in the wedding. She only told us her sister wanted to be involved 2 weeks before the wedding, and we DID give her a task (which she didn’t do properly anyway). She never called/e-mailed/talked to me about the wedding, and when she told my husband she wanted to be involved and we asked her to hire the bartenders, she didn’t do it and I had to scramble and get some friends to do it a couple weeks before the wedding. She also was angry we did not come early to help her cook thanksgiving for her husband’s family, despite the fact we had 3 thanksgivings to attend, AND I volunteered to help several times when we arrived, but she would not let me.
There were many parts attacking my husband, accusing him of not loving family members for various reasons (his grandfather is old and going to die soon, his sister is only a ‘half’ sister, he is jealous of others etc). She accused me of not respecting her AND her family, of not ‘allowing’ him to spend time with his family, and not loving him (!). I’m not sure where she is getting this all from. We don’t see them often and she has never called our house. To be honest she doesn’t really know me very well. I have no problems with their family (other than this!) and have never told him he can’t spend time with them, nor that he can’t talk to them. In fact, I have encouraged him to be in contact with them, but they actually make little to no effort to contact him either.
I am not going to get involved in this argument, but I don’t know what to do next time I see her. When I had suspected she didn’t like me, I was already sick and nervous every time we had to see her. How can I see her knowing she hates me and thinks all sorts of horrible things about me? Do I say anything to her or just pretend it didn’t happen?