(Closed) Just found out my fiance of 6 yrs cheated . . . other girl is pregnant

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 152
Member
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@JBing:  ….it’s a long time, but not an excuse to cheat. Seriously? He could have masturbated all he wanted as a damn outlet.  Also, we have no idea about how old they were when they dated or their cultural/religious beliefs. Also, he could have DUMPED her if he wanted a gf who gave sex.

 

Post # 153
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@JBing:  I understand that 6 years is a long time.. but there is no way to know the rest of the situation. It was between them and something that they clearly agreed upon. He should have dealt with it like a man if it was that big of an issue.

I know this was 2 years ago, but I really hope that you have moved on and found the love of your life who treats you the way you deserve Cali <3

Post # 154
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

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@HisAngel:  They may have agreed in the beginning, that doesn’t mean feelings change.  I have no idea if they talked about it a lot or not at all, but I think it’s a topic relevant to the situation at hand.  It shouldn’t be an excuse, and it’s clear that he wasn’t a stand up guy otherwise, but if it was more like she didn’t want to have sex and he begrudgingly agreed…there starts the problem.  If I decided to not sleep with my bf/hubby/fiance for 6 years I’m pretty sure it would lead to divorce.  

Sex is a major part of a long term relationship- most importantly being on the same page with your partner, and when it was mentioned off-hand that she had wanted to wait (and that it had been 6 yrs), it raised a red flag for me, or at least put what happened into clearer context.

 

Post # 155
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@JBing: 6 years is a long time and I can see why you would contemplate that (it is not something I could do personally) but…. if he knew he couldn’t handle that then he should have grown some balls and called it off. The fact that he carried out this other life with this girl is pretty sleazy. A shame for both girls involved….  

Post # 156
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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@JBing:  Um, I find the insinuation that he decided to cheat on her because they weren’t having sex rather offensive.

Even if that were the case, he could have had any number of one-night stands, meaningless hookups, hired prostitutes, etc.

But no, that’s not what happened. He got another woman pregnant, told her he loved her and wanted to build a life together, and tried to move her into his apartment.

There was so much more going on there than just plain sex. And I find the notion that not having sex with your partner is a free pass to cheat to be pretty disgusting.

It’s been two years now; I hope the OP has found a better man, and that that other poor girl and her little todller are doing alright in spite of having such a lousy father.

Post # 157
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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@Cady:  +1

Post # 158
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@JBing:  Not having sex for 6 years is something that could be very damaging to a relationship, sure. But it is never ok to cheat. And this was an extended affair. I don’t care if she didn’t speak to him for 6 years. She still doesn’t deserve to be cheated on. If he was unhappy, he should have ended it.

Post # 159
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2019

this is terrible.  I am so glad you found out before the wedding though- even though it NEVER should have happened.  I am so sorry!

Post # 160
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

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@Cady:  you are welcome to be as offended as you want, it doesn’t bother me.  I’m surprised that you can’t see a correlation, however, because it’s the one thing he was clearly doing with the other woman.  No one said anything about a free pass, all I was saying is that it probably put stress on the relationship.

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@koi424:  So, you are actually proposing that a woman could not speak to her partner (and not have sex with him, also) for 6 yrs., and somehow, she would still be it the right and he the wrong??  **Let me say that this does not pertain to the OP at all, it’s a hypothetical argument, and I find it interesting the lengths that some people will go to defend one person over another. It’s interesting human behavior, which is why I commented on this whole thread to begin with, because sometimes the Bee is a very narrow-minded place.

-But yes, he should have ended their relationship if he felt the need to cheat, or talked about his feelings, etc.  I’m happy to defend my opinions on male/female relationships, but it’s off topic from this thread, and I don’t want to re-open an old wound on OP’s thread.

Post # 161
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@JBing:  Never said I was offended? Was just pointing it out is all. I also did not automatically assume there was or was not a correlation? I am very confused right now….

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