Post # 32
Wow, I am so sorry. Please do not blame yourself for not seeing this. Who could have predicted such disregard for other people while he appeared to be a caring, loving person. I’m so sorry he found you. All I can say is there are some bees on here who have written about losing a loser and their life becomes drastically better. I hope this is the case for you.
Post # 33
Caliwed, this sounds so horrible, and I feel for you immensely. I know it is probably impossibly hard right now to process everything that is going on, but you are still so lucky that you found out about this before you married the guy. It sounds like you really have your head on your shoulders. I don’t know that I would in your situation, so good for you. Know that you have a lot of people rooting for you, and even though we have never met you face-to-face, we are always here for support!
Post # 34
@2010bridetobee: She was shocked. I could tell. She did not know about me. She sent me the emails. I had already seen them, but she was pretty honest. She told me about the trips and times he spent with her. Apparently he was going back and forth since August. She told me that he pursued her. I don’t have any reason to think that she was lying b/c if a guy told you he loved you and wanted to be with you – wouldn’t you believe it? I think she was duped as well. She said she had some moments when she doubted what he said, but that he always had an explanation.
I spent time with family and worked out of town so I had no idea what was going on. The sad thing is that she is pregnant. I think she wants to keep the baby even though he wants her to have an abortion. She had been very forthright with me and does not seem to be malicious or anything. I think she loved him and wanted to believe that he loved her as well. He seemed to really share his life with her b/c he told her about his biz plans, his plans to move out of town, his desire to travel abroad, etc. These were the things that we were planning to do so what she is saying is consistent. Also, he told her a lot of what was going on in his life and it matches up with what was really going on. The thing that disgusts me is that he was telling me one thing and yet while he was supposedly “working” out of town, he was with her.
The only thing that makes me feel better is that I told him that I wanted to wait to have sex after we married. So, there is no way that I am pregnant and no way that he gave me anything sexually. For a split second I regretted my decision, but I realize now that it was the best thing b/c sleeping with him would not have guaranteed his faithfulness.
I have to be honest I am so embarrased b/c everyone knew we were getting married. We just had our engagement party in September and after being with him for 6 years, I am so embarassed. I keep telling myself I did nothing wrong and that I should not have to lie to other people about what happened. Besides, if he has a kid in this small town and considering that he is well known – it will get out.
Post # 35
I am so sorry girl. Run as far away as you can and count your blessings that you didn’t marry him! I hope that you can move on and find someone who loves you and doesn’t feel the need to be in two relationships at once.
Post # 36
Don’t be embarassed! He’s the one that should be embarrassed. Kick his butt to the curb and hold your head up high because you have pride and won’t tolerate being treated this way. Trust me HE will look like the idiot. Who cares what anyone else thinks anyway, tell them to marry him if they have something to say.
Post # 37
I think you might be surprised at how much empathy people will have, especially those close to you. Just keep yourself classy in the midst of his craziness, which is so hard when dealing with @$$holes but people will see him for what he is, you shouldn’t have to lie to protect him.
Post # 38
Definitely an awful, awful situation. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Like the other ladies said above it’s better to find out now than to find out down the road afer you are married. Remember, we’re all still here for you! ::HUGS!::
Post # 39
Thank GOD you did not marry that jack a**. Seriously, that is beyond horrible, I am so sorry. Don’t fret about the time wasted on him, it wasn’t your fault he didn’t turn out to be the person you believed he was. You have had your eyes opened before you married the guy, which makes breaking up a whole lot easier at least logistically. I’m so so so unbelievably sorry for your pain. I would kick him in the junk if I knew him, for you! 🙁
Post # 40
I am so sorry for you and I agree with all of the previous posters. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders though, so I am sure you will get through this and find much more happiness when you are ready.
I know you feel embarassed about this, but the egg is on his face, not on yours. Continue to hold yourself high and you will reap the rewards. You did absolutely nothing wrong were very wise to wait until after marraige to get more intimate with him.
Post # 41
Just horrible, my heart goes out to you. Please don’t blame yourself for ANYTHING.
Post # 42
Wow, i am so sick for you. I dont even know what to say. Take some time out for you, surround yourself with all the people who love you and dont even speak to this sorry excuse for a man. He will get what he deserves in due time. Do not feel embarassed, he is the fool, he is the one who needs to hang his head low. Im sure you will stay classy about it but be sure whenever someone asks about it, have no fear in telling them exactly what happened. Have no shame
Post # 43
Honey I am so sorry that you are going through this. This is truly an awful thing that has happened but like you said before ITS NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL! He obviously has a lot of issues that he needs help for. Just be thankful its not you that is pregnant. I can only imagine what that other woman is thinking now too. I hope you immediately kick him to the curb. You deserve a man that will traet you like the amazing person you are! Im really glad you found out before you got married or gave yourself to him physically. Now you can save it for the man that really deserves you!! 😉
Post # 44
I can understand why you would feel embarrassed, but I think you also know deep down you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about. From what you have said – you are handling this in the most classy, dignified manner. You have saved not only yourself but this other unsuspecting mother to be from more years of cheating. I’m so sorry you are going through all this. Reach out to friends and family who can support you through this (don’t feel like you are asking too much – LET them be there for you!) and perhaps speaking with a professional counselor might help you with questions that must be buzzing through your head. Even though it may not feel like it now – you will get through this and you will come out a stronger person at the end of it all.
Post # 45
I am so sorry for the endless number of emotions you’re going through. Clearly this guy has several other hidden tricks up his sleeve. Good luck to all of the girls who cross his path – thank you to the number of them b/c if it wasn’t for them you wouldn’t have learned of these heinous details. Darling, this isn’t the first time nor will it be the last time he does this to a woman. Hold your head high and like so many Bee’s have already said be so very thankful you can (and you can) walk away now and thank him for what he has done – your journey has something wonderful ahead for you
Post # 46
- Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park
Oh my gosh. He definitely does sound like a sociopath and a pathological liar. I’m sorry you wasted so much time on him, but at least you found out now and not after the wedding! What a horrible situation. Get as far away from his as you can and don’t look back. Also, don’t blame yourself or feel embarassed, this is NOT your fault. Cheaters don’t cheat because their partner doesn;t do this or that, cheaters cheat because they are scum bags who can’t keep it in their pants. Hugs. Take care of yourself.