(Closed) Just found out my fiance of 6 yrs cheated . . . other girl is pregnant

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

wow, look at all this love and support you’re getting. thank goodness you found out before you married him.

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, and so glad that you have the strength that you are showing.

The hive is here for you! remember that! you will get through this!

Post # 123
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m so sorry you’re going through this… I cannot even imagine.

I know it’s repetative, but I’m SO glad you found out before you married this creep.

We’re here for whatever you need, and again, I’m so sorry you have to go through this.

Post # 124
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I am really sorry, this is horrible.   I am sure it is devastating, but don’t even let him start with his lies.  Get out now! His whole constant delay of the wedding makes a whole more sense now. 

Post # 125
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

Oh Cali – I know that there is no pain like the pain you are in. 

Just know you have a hive of fabulous supporters and this too shall pass. 

Keeping you in my thoughts.  

Post # 126
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

I am so sorry this happened to you…I will have to repeat others and say I am happy you found out before you married him…I was with my guy for about 2 years and found out at the end he cheated on me the entire time we were together…That crap hurt like nothing else when I finally found out…I just pray that you remember you are worth so much more and you deserve someone that is so much better than him….

Post # 127
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m sooo sorry to hear that you are going through this. ((((HUGS))))

Post # 128
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Oh, I am so sorry! I think some previous posters have had great advice. Focus on protecting yourself right now – get yourself, your money and your belongings to a safe place and start working on closing any doors where he could possibly cause your further anguish. And don’t be embarassed at all. He was able to pull this off for so long because you have healthy expectations for your partner (which is  a good thing!) and he is a very sick person. (((hugs)))

Post # 129
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

Caligirl – my heart goes out to you.  Think how lucky you are that you found out now…not that it makes it any easier, but in time, it will.  This man is a sociopathic liar leading 2 lives…and you need to get away from him as fast as you can.  Hugs!!

Post # 130
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Sister Bee, I am sooo sorry this happened to you, but I am living proof that one does rise above all this. I was in almost the exact same situation before with my ex (minus the pregnancy). I was crushed, embarrassed, heartbroken, broken, just broken. I did have the strength to leave, and here I am many years later, older, wiser, happier then I could ever imagine and getting married in 11 days to the man of my dreams. Hold your head up girl, you deserve better then that. Much better. ((HUGS))

Post # 131
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh wow. I can’t believe it. I am so sorry to hear that. It breaks my heart. You don’t need to be embarrassed or anything. You did absolutely NOTHING wrong. But you do need to get out, cut off ALL ties to him, and start over fresh. You will survive and come out on top. I am so sorry though. We are all (obviously!) here for you.

Post # 132
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh Caliwed…I am so sorry and hugs hugs hugs to you.  I know we pm’d a little bit earlier on, and want to say that this man does NOT deserve you.

I 100 percent agree with Miss Rainbow in that he is possibly a pathological liar and a sociopath.  Why?:

I walked in your very shoes but was married with a child.  My ex husband did the same thing.  Except I had just build our dream home and we were even planning to begin starting for a second child. When I divorced him, he married her the following day and she gave birth about 2.5 months later.  It was awful. 

But I can say this to you with 100 percent certainty.  YOU WILL RISE from this, from the sadness and ashes of what was.  It was not meant to be.  When your heart is healed and in the universe’s good time, you will meet the one who will hold your heart carefully with all the love and respect in the world.  That man will find you in time.

How do I know?  It happened to me also.  And you will be blessed for carrying yourself with such grace and dignity through this mess.  But it is NOT your mess, it is his so let the fallout fall on him, not on you.

As far as the wedding goes, I’d make sure I have copies of all the emails and if you ever speak to her again, tape those calls.  I would have an attorney file a suit against your ex Fiance for any costs you incurred for this wedding and have him held liable.

Also, keep the ring.  It’s yours.  don’t give it to the liar.  I sold my wedding ring and it paid for the down payment on a new home for my son and I.

Also, the other woman might pretend she was clueless, but so did one of my ex husbands two other women.  The one who was pregnant claimed she didn’t believe she COULD even get pregnant but I found out she did that to the guy before (or should I say victim) before my ex.  She deliberately in the end DID get pregnant.

Don’t listen to either of them..just gracefully DETACH and be done with the lot of them.

I know your heart must be in pieces right now but it will heal in time.  We’re here and you can pm  me or email me if you need to. 

Right now, take good care of yourself.  Surround yourself with friends and loved ones.  They’ll give you so much support and we do too here!

I am so sorry for the loss of this time in your life.  I know how it feels.  I lost a decade with somebody.  But our hearts and souls are amazing.  Somehow, when you least expect it, one day, somebody wonderful will accidentally walk into your life and all these ghosts of the past will disappear and you’ll know you’ve met the one.

Again, nothing but hugs from somebody who has walked in your shoes, but a bit further down the road in time.  And yes, imho, it is easier now to walk away than if you had married him and had children with him.

These people who do this and can carry on with this all this time without a conscience have something missing inside of them.  I think Jennifer Anniston called it a “sensitivity chip”.  But something is seriously wrong with your Fiance.  And echoing what other bees here have told you, I can attest 100 percent also that my ex husband didn’t cheat because of anything I did or didn’t do.  We had a great relationship (or so I thought).  He just is incapable of being honest with himself or anybody else and believed himself entitled to whatever he felt like.

You can’t build a life together with somebody like this.  In fact, he cannot be good for any woman unless he got some serious help.  But you are the one who is truly free now.  He’s not.  Remember that as you begin life anew in the coming year.

Again, love to you and prayers for strength right now. ((((Caliwed)))

 

Post # 133
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I just want to echo all the others before me with my condolences and hugs.  You will come out of this with your head held high and your back & shoulders stronger.  You’re already approaching this with more grace and composure than most would.  Someday in the future, you will meet someone who treats you the way you deserve, unlike this “man” who most certainly just made the biggest mistake of his life. 

Hugs to you.  You are in my thoughts. 

Post # 134
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

Im sorry Im reading this so late, just wanted to offer my sympathy and support as well.  You seem to be handling this far better than I could ever dream of and I look up to you for that.  Be strong and best wishes to you!

Post # 135
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m so so sorry to hear this. You have your family and friends around you, I’m sure you will get through this horrible time.

I was in a serious relationship before, it lasted for almost 5 years. The difference is, early on I sensed that my BF at that time cheated on me but never had evidence. It didn’t take that long for some evidence to surface but whatever I found, I’d confront him, he’d deny it or lie through his teeth, swear it won’t happen again and I’d take him back.

Things got worse and worse (meaning the degree of cheating) and he was seeing so many other woman. Once I found one he’d end it and move on, sometimes women from the past would come back. I dumped him so many times each time he’d be on his knees asking for forgiveness…and you know what?! I was so blind and stupid I kept taking him back. I loved him and always felt like I wouldn’t find someone I’d love as much. I was around my 19-20 at that time and very immature (some people here can plan a wedding at 19-20 I couldn’t even get out of an unhealthy relationship!) Looking back I’m not even sure why I loved him!

Anyways that unhealthy relationship lasted for over 4 years until one day I just woke up and felt like I was ready to leave. I left him just like that, cold turkey. I felt so much better to be out of that cycle and never felt loney for a minute.

You’re obviously smarter and stronger than me! I’m sure you’ll get through this!

Post # 136
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

My heart aches for you. I am sending you all of my wishes for peace and I would completley back you if you chose to follow through on your “angela bassett” moment. I had an ex who cheated on me and I had my own waiting to exhale moment and though it was just a moment it was TOTALLY worth it and very spiritually cleansing. I vote you go for it!!!

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