Post # 1
Although I do not speak to my biological father, I have kept in touch with his mother periodically throughout my life. We don’t talk all the time or anything, but every few months we exchange phone calls. We weren’t exactly close, but we tried to keep in touch.
Her health was always pretty poor, and in the past 8 years or so she has alternated between living in nursing homes and with my biological father. When she was living with him, it was always awkward for me to call because I was scared he would answer the phone (I haven’t spoken to him since I was 6). She understood that, and called me whenever she was feeling up to it. The last time I spoke to her was probably in November or so. I attempted to call her a few months after that (maybe in January?) but she was in a nursing home in very very bad health and unable to talk on the phone. My mother and I were told that we’d be notified when she was able to use the phone again.
We haven’t heard anything from her in a while, which was somewhat concerning but not out of the ordinary- we’ve gone much longer than this without hearing from her before.
I decided to do a google search to see if she had a facebook- I thought maybe I’d be able to keep in touch with her that way, even if her voice wasn’t strong enough for the telephone.
She has a facebook, alright. And an obituary. Except it isn’t really an obituary, or anything. It’s 35 words. It says her birthday, her death date, and the fact that a private memorial service will be arranged at a later date.
What kind of piece of shit doesn’t care about his own mother enough to write an obituary for her? Or host a memorial service? It wasn’t the money- she had all of her finances sorted out for her funeral expenses. He just didn’t care, and honestly probably used the money that should have been put toward her funeral to go buy drugs.
I’m just angry and sad and ashamed that I’m the product of such a horrible human being.
Post # 3
thats terrible 🙁
im so sorry you had to find out that way. *hug*
Post # 4
Aww, I’m so sorry 🙁 What a terrible way to find out that news.
Post # 5
I’m sorry for your loss and for the unsettling way you found out about it. Maybe you can create a memorial page for her that would be more of a tribute to her life.
You are not the product of a horrible human being. Even though some of your genetic material may have been provided by someone selfish who has made poor choices, your choices indicate that the people, events, and relationships that have helped raise you have made you a good person.
Post # 6
I have no words for this other than….I’m so sorry!
Post # 7
/hugs I’m do sorry you had to find out that way.
Maybe you could host your own memorial service? Frame a couple of pictures and invite some close friends and family over for a potluck to celebrate her life. It doesn’t have to be fancy and I’m sure she would have appreciated you doing something like that to honor her.
Post # 8
Thanks, guys. I just feel shitty.
Thank you. I needed that. I just feel so… I don’t even know. This is why I haven’t spoken to him since I was 6. He’s a selfish loser who contributes nothing to society (and owes my mom over 80 grand in child support).
It’s a good idea, but we live so far from everyone who knew her. My mom, my grandma, and I are literally the only 3 people who have ever met her. I would feel silly asking people to participate in a memorial service for a random stanger.
Post # 9
@Miss Fish: I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. I went through something very similar with my paternal grandmother. It is largely the reason (if not just the straw that broke the camel’s back) that I am no longer in contact with my biological father. It’s so frustrating/maddening that other people have to go through this as I know how much hurt it has caused me over the years. I like to think we learn from these people how not to be. much like what @Entangled
Post # 10
Oh, this is awful and just breaks my heart. You have my sympathy. I am so sorry.
Post # 11
I don’t even know if she knew I’m engaged… I feel so guilty and mad and I just want to punch that man in the face as hard as I can.
Post # 12
oh, no..I’m so sorry to hear that 🙁 did she have any friends or favorite nurses at the nursing home? I’m sure they’d love a memorial service. And even if it’s only a few people, it’s the ones that count, which make it worthwhile.
Post # 13
I honestly don’t know… she lived in Michigan and I’m here in Ohio, I haven’t even seen her in years. Ugghhh.
Post # 14
I’m so sorry that you had to find out that way. What your father did was absolutely deplorable. I know his kind all too well as I’m also the product of a deadbeat dad.
Post # 15
I’m sorry… I don’t get it, and it makes me so sad that I’m not the only person who has to deal with crap like this. Deadbeat is almost an understatement, at this point. I mean, would it have been so hard for him to TELL US that she had died?! Or was he too busy buying cocaine and being a hindrance to society and ruining the lives of his baby’s mama and his precious little 7 year old daughter?
I honestly feel so bad for that little girl… he left me and my mom, and I got to escape him. He stayed for her, and it’s probably the biggest disservice he ever could have done for her.
Post # 16
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine finding out this news that way. I can’t believe your dad did that (or rather didn’t do anything). I hope you are able to find peace and closure.