(Closed) Just found out my inlaws bought my engagement ring

posted 5 years ago in Rings
  • poll: What should I ask him to do?
    Pay his parents back and keep the ring. : (15 votes)
    11 %
    Pay his parents back and get the ring upgraded. : (75 votes)
    54 %
    Not pay his parents back and pay for the upgrade out of his own money. : (48 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I would be pissed. He lied (by omission, but it’s still a lie) and he dies t seem to eat b to take responsibility for his parents’ actions. Make HIM pay his parents back and then get the rung that you want. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    7450 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I think that would probably bother me, but it doesn’t seem like it should be a big shocker in this case since he sounds like a bit of a freeloader.

    I recently found out that my dad had my mom’s parents buy her engagement ring and promised to pay them back, but he never did. That’s why she never wore her rings while they were still married.

    These situations suck.

    Post # 5
    Member
    298 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    You need to have an option in your poll:  Make HIM pay his parents back and upgrade your ring.

     

    If you’re going to be the breadwinner the least he can do is be the husband… Engagement and wedding rings are HIS responsibility just like his wedding band was yours.

    Post # 6
    Member
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Wow. He doesn’t sound very mature. I think you have every right to be pissed.

    Post # 7
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t think I would be upset if I found out my Fiance parent’s bought my ring. I think that it would let me know they were happy to have me as part of their family and look at is as a welcomming present. As long as it still signifies love and commitment. As far as an upgrade I say go for it let him pay for it. If his parents don’t want to be paid back use the money towards the upgrade… or get the ring they bought melted down into something else and put some more money in it towards getting what you want so it is still the original ring. I kinda think they real issue is the whole freeloading thing. I think that will probably get real old real quick and you have to do something about that. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    He should pay his parents back.  What a lazy, lying ass.  If he didn’t spend his money on the ring then what did he spend it on?  Sounds like he wasn’t contributing much toward your all’s household expenses since you thought he was saving the money.

    If I was in the situation I would take a long, hard look at my relationship and probably go to counseling.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1328 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I completely understand how you feel.  It may sound silly to some, but that would really upset me too.  My SO is tight on money, as am I, and he won’t let me help out with the ring (it’s one tradition he’s stuck on) and I’ve been fearing that he’ll ask his parents for money.  He would just say “I have ways of getting money”, and other vauge things.  I recently found out where he really plans on making the extra money but the whole time I though it was his parents and it upset me.  I love my FILS but something out knowing that they paid for the ring would be weird to me.

    I would have him offer to pay his parents back and explain that you (as in both of you) have decided to upgrade now that you are both financially able.  They may insist that he not pay them back, but I think an offer should be out there.  If nothing is said to them and they just see that you have a new ring then they might be offended.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    It would bother me if my Darling Husband hadn’t bought my ring. It’s one thing to have a meaningful family heirloom but it’s another to have his parents front an engagement ring when that’s like the first token of your married life together. Honestly, I would rather have no ring or a cheap meaningful ring (like a thin little gold band from Etsy) than a more traditional ring that his parents had to buy for him (secretly).

    Post # 11
    Member
    75 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Oh wow….what an ass. Out of principle, I’d give him the ring back and get him to buy you a new ring. I’m so shocked that he’d let his parents pay for your ring, it’s just completely wrong when it should signify so very much.

    Post # 12
    Member
    5496 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Agree with pp. If he had borrowed money and paid them back, then meh. My dad did that with my mom’s parents. But not ever making an attempt to pay them back for a gift HE should be giving you as a symbol of his committment and love? Not ok.

    Post # 13
    Member
    9551 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Crappy situation. Especially because you’re just figuring it out. But I do think it’s nice to know how supportive your in-laws were! I would sit him down and let him know that you aren’t comfortable accepting a gift like an e-ring from your in-laws and so you want to pay them back. And upgrade your ring to something more your taste.

    The whole “whose money should be used to pay it back” thing is a little different. If you’re the breadwinner does he take care of the house? Cook, clean, pay bills, grocery shopping, laundry, etc? If so, then I think you just have to consider the money as “our” money and save to pay back his parents and upgrade your ring. If he is not contributing to the house then he needs to get his butt in action and start contributing either around the house or by earning money so that you can pay back his parents.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I understand being upset. But at this point – you’ve been married 5 years, I wouldn’t cause a HUGE stink about it. But I would #1 make a plan to repay his parents. That’s only fair. And #2, I would ask him to pick out a new ring for you that you both love. Explain to him that it isn’t about the money, but about the thought. You had this sweet notion in your head that he did the work, picked out the ring, paid for it, etc – and now to find out that it isn’t true hurts.

    Post # 15
    Member
    451 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Ugh I chose #2.. Pay his parents back and make him pay for your upgrade!!!

    My Darling Husband had our best friends mother offer to pay for my ring and he declined.. It would bother me if he had taken it

    Post # 16
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t really see a problem with his parents purchasing a ring.  However, I think maybe you are upset with him that he is not better with his finances and it is manifesting itself in this ring situation?  In other words, I don’t think what happened with the ring is really a problem and I don’t think that is what the problem is.  Also, I am not sure that he was lying- unless of course he was actually lying.  However, if that is just what you thought (that he purchased it) and you never directly asked him, I am not sure that he was lying.  I would think through what the underlying issues are and talk to him about those, because it does seem you are no happy with the way he handles funds, or his lack of making them, or whatever it really is.

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