(Closed) Just found out we are pregnant…what to do

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 304
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@BellaDee: I just wish my wedding would be able to stay the exact same. But it won’t.

+100000000

 

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@pierce8: 
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T
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his statement actually made me feel sick. A baby is way more important than a wedding. I personally have had an abortion, and I can tell you this it was the most difficult decision I have ever made. Basing your decision on how nice of a wedding you will have is plain wrong. If you truly want children I can’t understand why a wedding would be more important. I understand you aren’t ready now, but to me it sounds like it’s because of your wedding.

Post # 305
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@pierce8:  I just read your last comment and am so glad you now see that your baby should come before your big wedding. All the best to you! I have a 2 month old son and he is so amazing! Becoming a parent is wonderful, scary and a huge life adjustment, but it is well worth all the hard work 🙂

Post # 306
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@pierce8:  Could you be a home health aide for awhile? That might give you more flexibility than a typical hospital or clinic nursing job.

If your Fiance is going to be making $100,000 right out of the gate, could you delay the big wedding until he’s working and just do a small civil ceremony now?

Post # 307
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@pierce8:  I have been following along and it sounds like you are feeling a teeny bit better.  I just wanted to chime in to say that it’s totally normal to feel sad about the prospect of cancelling the big wedding.  It is unfortunate that people are jumping down your throat about that.  Of course, a baby is more important than a wedding– but it’s normal to need some time to process the loss of something that you’ve been planning/thinking about/etc for a long time.  You are also processing some major changes to your life plan.  While I agree with PPs that it will all be okay, give yourself permission to mourn a little.

Post # 308
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@hardtoconcentrate:  the story of your parents made me smile. I was raised similarly, just substitute medical school for a military career. My parents’ relationship didn’t last, but they did a great job raising us on very little.

Sometimes I feel like we tend to overcomplicate parenting these days. 

Post # 309
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@pierce8:  Would it be possible to scale the wedding way, way back? That way you won’t lose deposits, and you can still have the wedding you’ve been dreaming of. Ruthlessly cut the guest list to immediate family and the closest of friends – people will understand. Talk to your vendors and see if they can reduce their packages, less hours with the photographer, etc. Eliminate the wedding party – fewer gifts to buy. If those ideas aren’t an option, you could always do it up big with a vow renewal in 5 or 10 years.

I know it’s hard to see right now, but you’re going to be just fine. Amazing even, I would bet. The fact that you’re so worried and have struggled with this decision shows your maturity. 

Post # 310
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

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@pierce8:  Some of the responses to you make me want to scream. You are ALLOWED to feel sad about cancelling your wedding. Is it a little bit selfish? Yup, but who the hell cares. This isn’t what you wanted, and you can be as angry and upset as you want, about whatever you want. No one should be judging you for that.

 

Post # 311
Member
534 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry, but you can’t make a blanket statement that a child is worth all the sacrifices. There are many children that are not worth all the sacrifices. Sorry. They aren’t all little cherubs that grow up to be contributing members of society. I’d hate to rain on the “having a baby is worth it” parade, but it’s the truth. Assuming it will be worth it and you’ll have a healthy, happy child, can set you up for major disappointment. 

 

Post # 312
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would definitely say follow you gut on this one but I think the biggest concern is are BOTH you as your fiancé ready to have children in your lives? Are you both mature enough to have another human being to take care of. He won’t be done with school until 2015 so keep in mind that you will have to take care of your child for majority of the time while he is in school. I hate to see people have children just to have children. Being a parent does not just mean being able financially take care of the child, emotion support is a must. 

Also keep in mind if you are not ready financially or emotionally to support a child, you or your future husband might end up being bitter at the child or one another on top of wedding/graduate school stress. 

 

Please keep that in mind and of course adoption and safely surrendering your child if you can’t take care of them is always an option. 

Post # 313
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@pierce8:  You can always do a big celebration down the road. I’ve known people who have done that because they couldn’t do it at the time they officially got married. I’m just seeing this thread and I’m glad you’ve made a decision that you’re coming to grips with. Please be encouraged that with a little creativity things will be okay! I’m due two days before you, and ours also wasn’t planned (not prevented either, but thats another story). I felt and still feel similar feelings in terms of OMG what am I going to do!? I have student debt, just got a job finally, am trying to start a small business, and we are kind of uncertain about if DH is going to stay with his company. So a lot is going on. I’m not necessarily “enjoying” this early part of the process physically and it still doesn’t seem quite real, so that’s another layer. But when I stop and think of the fact that my parents made it work with so much less than DH and I have I’m like ‘I got this!’ 

As far as you working 3 nights a week, do you think you could hire someone part time to come over and stay up with the baby while you get your sleep during those days? Maybe an elderly family member or close friend that just wants to make a little money?

Post # 314
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

From what you have written I think you are making wise decisions.  A wedding is only one day, but you’ll have love for years to come from your child and fiance whether you have a big wedding or you just go to the courthouse.  I too have known people who decided to put off a big wedding until a year later after a baby or even 5 year wedding anniversary, so that’s always an option too.  Best of luck to you OP!

Post # 315
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@IheartUFC:  AMEN. I keep repeating myself over and over again but if ALL children were “worth it”, then why do so many become abused and neglected? Those children weren’t “miracles” to their parents I guess. 

Post # 316
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

In 20 years when you’re sitting around the Thanksgiving table with your adult child, I so doubt you’ll look back and wish you’d aborted them/given them up for adoption. :}

And if I were you, I would have the big wedding! Maybe tone it down a little, but definitely CELEBRATE! Any of us (myself included) who are planning on having kids within the first few years of marriage could have “saved” the money from our weddings for baby expenses… your case is only a little different (that is, you have the baby already). It is just a day, but it’s a special one. A baby doesn’t change/void that.

Post # 317
Member
534 posts
Busy bee

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@PinkMermaid:  +1

Google “I regret having kids” and you’ll see that not every parent thinks every child is worth it. 

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