Post # 1
I don’t want to sound like a complete, paranoid mess, but I need some insight from unbiased parties.
Unfortunately, I have been in mulitple relationships where it ended with the guy cheating on me. Needless to say, I have some trust issues.
The relationship I have with my Fiance is fantastic. But I’m still insecure when it comes to some things. For example, he works in a female-dominated profession. And I know it’s natural that he’s going to develop some work-related friendships on the job.
But I absolutely HATE IT when his work-related frienships spills over into our daily life. He’s recently been sending a receiving text msgs from one particular female. At first (about three months ago) he said that he was just being nice to her because she had failed her boards and needed friendly advice. He even said that he really couldn’t stand her. He insisted that what they were talking about was strictly work related.
But now, they text more often and it’s not work related topics. I told him when she first started texting him that I was not comfortable with it. Without having met her, I feel in my gut that her interest with him lies deeper than just friendship. And I told him that.
So he knows I’m uncomfortable and yet it still goes on. Am I being ridiculous? He has admitted that he would be uncomfortable if a male started texting me.
It’s my belief that men and women are never "just friends." More often than not, at least one has a deeper interest in the other.
Could I be wrong? What should I do? It’s getting to the point where I can’t sleep at night because of this… but I don’t want to tell him who he can and can not be friends with. It seems so childish…HELP!
Post # 3
Hey – I kinda feel like it’s ok for my guy to have girl friends and me to have guy friends – as long as these friends are also OUR friends. So maybe suggest to him that you’d like to get to know this girl better. Suggest a happy hour one night – maybe with you two and a couple of his co-workers. If he has nothing to hide he should want to share his friends with you. Guys & Girls.
For example I’m friends with a guy from a work thing I was involved in. He’s recently divorced so he’s been more social and we’ve been emailing more often. I’ve invited him out with groups of us so that he gets to know everyone, but especially my husband. If we’ve been emailing during the day – usually that night it’s included in a conversation with my husband. Adam told me blah blah blah. I think it’s when these relationships are ‘secretive’ and private that they raise suspicians. You don’t want your spouce to begin emotionally relying on a friendship with someone of the opposite sex – that would replace that part of your relationship.
I do agree you can have a strong friendship with other girls/guys – there’s just a fine line to make sure that strongest best friend/emotional relationship is with your spouce. I’ve always had a ton of guy friends. Really close guy friends. I’m still friends with most of them, but there was a definite change when I met my husband and we got married. Not on purpose – the relationships I had with them just morphed. And my husband is now friends with all those people.
You have valid concerns – just be honest with your guy. Hopefully he’ll love you enough to know you arne’t ‘accusing’ him of anything – just that you’d like to know his friends better – and that it’d make you more comfortable.