(Closed) Just gave him the ultimatum :(

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Dump this guy and move on.  It sounds like a replay of my relationship, marriage, and ultimate divorce from my first husband.  He’s not worth an ultimatum.

Post # 4
Member
2131 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

@seperez:  It sounds like you’ve communicated very clearly with him and you have every right to feel the way you do.

Post # 5
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m sorry but it sounds like he doesn’t want to get married.  Guys typically think about what they want in the present.  When you left him, he panicked and did what he had to do to get you back, i.e. put marriage on the table.  But he let you plan for MONTHS and now pulls this crap.  He’s not worthy of you imo.

Post # 7
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@seperez:  This was the first red flag —>”I don’t know, we’re just having fun.”  The last guy that said that proposed to my best friend a couple weeks after we broke up.  It’s a line no matter how you turn it.

 

You know what they say about actions speaking louder than words. Your situation is living proof of that: he said he wanted to get married, yet stopped doing any of the activities leading up to it.  Now, he’s making a bunch of BS excuses, even WITH you sacrificing every aspect of a wedding just so you can get a committment…and he’s STILL not biting.

 

It sucks and it’s sad but I’d cut my losses and move on.

Post # 9
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@seperez:  I can imagine. But bottom line is that if marriage is important to you, you shouldnt have to sacrifice that dream.  I really feel for you…

Post # 10
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@seperez:  I’m proud of you for being clear about what you want and respecting yourself enough to set limits on what you do and don’t want. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying you will leave a situation you are unhappy with unless it changes. ESPECIALLY with how far you guys actually got into planning. You are mature adults, and this aint your first time to the rodeo. A man can be a great man and still not be the man for you if he doesn’t see the same future as you do.

Post # 11
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It might be harsh, but I always believe that if a guy wants to marry you, he will. No excuses, no stalling. People who are head over heels in love get married all the time without having everything perfectly prepared, having a huge savings or any money at all, etc. Now if you were demanding some extravagant wedding then I might understand the stalling, but you aren’t expecting that at all so whats the problem?

 

It might not be you per se, maybe he would be having this committment issue no matter who he was with. I am usually 100% against ultimatums, especially with engagements. I don’t want to force anyone into marrying me – I feel like that will cause issues down the line. If he doesn’t respond with ‘okay lets do it’ then I would move on 🙁

 

Post # 13
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

OP I hope he comes through for you.  I will be thinking about you and hope he steps and says, you’re right and I don’t want to lose you.  

Post # 14
Member
12 posts
Newbee

If you’ve only been together for two years, you need to be patient. Two years isn’t him stringing you along just yet. I can understand why he’d be dragging his feet. You’re trying to force him to do something he’s not ready to do. The more you try to do that, the more he’s going to drag his feet. Eventually, he’ll put 2 and 2 together and realize this wedding thing won’t be the end of you trying to boss him around; ultimatums, deadlines and such. It’ll be a regular part of his life. He may not dump you, as he loves you. He’ll stick around, trying to get back to the relationship he was happy with. He will, however, definitely put the question of marriage to bed in his mind. That’s not something you’ll know because he won’t want to lose you. At that point, welcome to the Land of the Strung-Along.

 

 

Honestly, you might have already done too much damage. You need to be smarter than demanding a guy marries you while going out on dates with other guys. You need to repair that. From a guy’s perspective, I’d run as fast and as far from you as possible. If I knew him, I’d advise him to do the same. His buddies almost definitely are.

 

 

Edit: I forgot to include that my Girlfriend and I have been together for nearly the same amount of time.  I know she’s getting antsy, but she’s being patient.  We’ll have been together 3 years by the time I’m done saving and laying the groundwork for our future.  She’ll be receiving a fireworks display in the form of a ring, the wedding will be paid for by my hard work (unfortunately the Father of the Bride has passed away, so I’ve got to take care of it), and I’ll be able to offer her the chance to pick out the perfect house with no PMI on the mortgage as soon as we get back from our honeymoon.  All because she was patient and didn’t run me off.  Try it!

Post # 15
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

@JohnInKC:  Typically I would agree with you, but based on their age and position in life (financially comfortable and mid to late thirties) I think that 2 years is enough time to know.

She’s also been quite clear from the get-go what her expectations were and it’s not like she’s dating other people now, she broke it off and then started dating other people because he basically said he wasn’t interested in making a clear commitment. That all doesn’t seem that crazy to me. 

Post # 16
Member
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

OP, I think your behavior has been perfectly reasonable and I do think if he isn’t ready to commit at this point, you are more than entitled to decide it’s time for you to move on.

The topic ‘Just gave him the ultimatum :(’ is closed to new replies.

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