(Closed) Just got an unexpected announcement from FI’s Brother

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
396 posts
Helper bee

Looking at how things have gone for me, I would have rather eloped! I’ve had drama beyond drama.. and well.. all I can say is good luck! that is why we have weddingbee.

Post # 4
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

@UmbrellaMoon:  Wow that’s quite a mess!  If the brothers are only speaking through lawyers, does your Fiance expect/want to attend his brother’s wedding?

Post # 5
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so so sorry you’re having to deal with this. There’s nothing harder than dealing with fighting family members. I wouldn’t take offense at the STD. I would actually see as a sign of trying to be nice and inclusive. Wait until closer to the date to figure out if you want to go, but do’nt assume it was meant for evil! As far as your own wedding goes have you considered eloping? Because it sounds like it would make life so much better. You get to be married without the hassle of family and security at the wedding and what not.

Post # 7
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Would a small and quick family affair satisfy your need to have your family present and just get this whole thing over with?  Go to the courthouse and then have a BBQ or small party to celebrate?

Post # 8
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off, I am soooo sorry for this situation, it has got to be stressful on all fronts of your life

Second, I’d say “to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks with the Future Brother-In-Law and his GF”… the guy obvioulsy has no class (RUDE not to tell you his plans when you were wedding planning.  And more RUDE to then send out STD Cards when you’ve put your own plans ON HOLD partly due to his behaviour)

Obviously a HUGE Drama Queen

At this point in time, I’d be making plans to marry elsewhere… either a Destination Wedding or an Elopement.

Now or Later, BEFORE their Date or After wouldn’t matter to me

With our without family…

But I’d be moving on with my life, and let him get on with his (he’s made his bed let him lie in it with his choice of wife)

Maybe kind of mean, but really… your Fiance and you don’t have to give him any sort of explanation and should be concentrating on your own futures.

Just my 2 cents.


Post # 9
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

@UmbrellaMoon:  That’s actually a really good stance to take (to ignore but not instigate).  Save you some headaches in the future if things escalate or get more heated.

Do you envision anything in particular for your own wedding?  Something cozy with just your close family?  Like renting a cabin on a lake or a pavilion in a state park?  Or could you just explain to the important people that you are only doing a backyard reception, or even have a Justice of the Peace perform the ceremony right there.

Post # 10
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

family will always be family and no family is perfect.  i would consider this STD as an olive branch.  let things simmer down until closer to their wedding before you make any decision. 

as for your wedding, as pp said, what about eloping?


Post # 11
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@UmbrellaMoon:  I told him that we may ignore them, but he may not be actively rude or cruel.

These are such sensible words. Embroider them and hang them over your mantlepiece, they will continue to serve you well. You sound like a very grounded person and I applaud your behavior in this sticky, icky situation.

A small wedding could be just the ticket for you… it doesn’t have to be a courthouse wedding or something that might feel impersonal or rushed, and it’s a compromise between the big event and an elopement. Do you belong to a church? Call your officiant and she if he/she is free in 2 weeks. Invite Nana and close family/friends to the church, have a simple ceremony, then everyone go to dinner together and toast your love and future. 

If you’re not a churchgoer, lots of cities have wedding chapels that are more traditional – will give you the look and feel of a classic wedding day without the massive planning tornado around it. Buy a pre-planned package, show up in your dress, and you and the gang are in and out in an hour and off to dinner.

Good luck to you, and hang in there. 

Post # 13
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@UmbrellaMoon:  I am so sorry to hear of this strife for you – I can unfortunatly relate to some of this 🙁  My Fiance and his brother are not speaking because of FBIL’s rude and obnoxious behaviour – but Fiance still wanted him at the wedding – so we mailed a STD and invitation for his daughter to be a Flower Girl. It was Future Brother-In-Law daughters birthday at the same time we sent the STD and we sent a RSVP to the STD as we are having a Destination Wedding.. Future Brother-In-Law sent a thank you from the daughter but not even a hint of a reply to the wedding!!

I think you are incredibly mature and considerate in your actions in this situation with the Future Brother-In-Law and I 100% agree that you should act with decorum in regards to opening and even replying to the STD and invitation.  Is there a chance that the girlfriend is reaching out in a manner to help make a Bridge between everyone and using the STD as a means to do this?? 

I agree with other PP’s that I would at this point plan a small intimate weddiing for close fanily and friends and who cares what anyone else thinks… I see it like this – the people that matter will be there at your wedding, whether that be 1 or 100 people… and the people that have other agenda’s you would not want to have there….

Do what feels best for you and Fiance…..

Post # 15
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@UmbrellaMoon:  I’m kinda snarky hehehe so I would plan a wedding and send them a STD with a date earlier than theirs hehehe.

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